Well, I never thought I would be posting in this discussion. Please read my entire story in my prior posts. I haven't posted here in a while. I barely made it for a while but finally feel like I am back in the real world. My husband had two affairs, moved to St. Louis all the while going back and forth... telling me he wanted a divorce, then he didn't, etc. Now, he says it was all a huge mistake and he will do anything to get me back. Well, now I feel like too much has happened. No matter how much I love him and miss him going back seems too painful. I feel like no matter how much I want to I would never trust him or have a happy, secure marriage with him. I would always wonder if he would do it again. He did it while we were engaged and I forgave him. Now, he cheated on me twice (once with a stripper), built up credit cards I didn't know we had, spent savings money and moved out of state! I don't even know where we would start to salvage this. I don't want to be alone and don't want to live my life without him but I have to wonder if I could find someone who would NEVER dream of doing these things to me. It is just so hard to say NO when he is now saying all the things I have been wanting to hear. It seems like it is just a little too late. At one point I might have tried but now I just don't think I can. Is this a mistake? Should I try? I tried for months and he kept lying and cheating. Now, I need to decide to file for divorce or decide to TRY (whatever that means). He would have to move back home and I just don't see it happening. Anyone else neen in this situation or have any advice? I am 30 and it is scary to face the single world alone and worry that I won't ever get married and have children but then again if I stay with him and the pattern repeats 5 - 10 years from now I would be in the same situation. I love him but don't know what to do....

No children? And with this kind of history, I wouldn't even consider trying, cut your losses and move on to a much better life, cause you will do a much better job of mate selection. His is pattern behaviour, not a one time mistake you could concieveably recover from. It is like pattern behaviour in repeat offenders (criminals) the likelihood they will do it again is almost 100%. I would suspect his desire now is to get you back in his grasp (cause you are distancing) people hate to lose things. Let him get you pregnant, and you are in serious life trouble. Thank your lucky stars you are not trapped in any way, have the freedom to recover your life, and seize it. There are plenty of much better mates out there, and you will find one. It is human nature to experience remorse at the ending of a relationship even a toxic one, this is when people are most vulnerable, and lose their resolve to one more try.... recognize the grief of ending for what it is...normal, and not an indicator to try again. You may still feel love for him (cause you married him) but that does not mean you need to be married to this toxic individual....run, run as fast as you can and don't look back.

Hi AdvicePlease,<P>I certainly can relate to your situation, althought my H isn't seeking reconciliation....he just hasn't filed for divorce yet. It's going on 2 years since D-day and when he moved out. He is still living with OW and has no desire to get back with me.<P>I have moved on and have no desire to be with him either. I still love him....always will. I'm just not in love with him anymore. Too much time has passed and too much water under the bridge. We don't have kids either and I THANK GOD for that. <P>I tend to agree with sad_n_lonely...his behaviour has been a repeating pattern. You will never know. And hey...I don't want to be alone either....and I'm 45!!! Will I find the kind of love I think I deserve? Don't know....but I do know that it's not gonna happen with my H. <P>I've given him until the end of September to file for divorce (he keeps saying he will) and if he doesn't, I will. I've moved on emotionally and every other way from him...it's time to take the legal steps too.<P>IF and this is a big if...IF you do try to give it a try with him, DO NOT let him just move back in. Make him court you....make him prove himself. Give it a time period...like six months or something. Don't just think that you all can just pick up where you left off....no, no, no. Now is the time for YOU to call the shots. And definately get marriage counseling during this "trial" period. Instead of a "trial" separation....try a "trial" dating period.<P>This is just my opinion. I tend to say "no chance" but again, if you do give him a chance.....play by your rules. Sit down and think of what you want in a husband. Does he fit?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>