talk to your lawyer before packing her stuff up and putting it on the driveway. While it might make you feel good (and we'd all probably cheer) you might be putting yurself in a precarious legal position.<P>tread carefuly because some of the decisions you make now may impacton the rest of your life.<P>Good luck,<P>Lou

Hi everyone,<P>Well I'm not in jail. I didn't go to the motel but let her know that I knew where she was last night. She came home today and continued to pack up her stuff. SHE IS NOT HAPPY I WILL BE HERE SATURDAY FOR THE BIG MOVE. Big deal. She even had the nerve to say I'm not respecting her be giving her the space to do this without me around. HA! You want to talk about giving respect. She truly is posessed. She asked me if I thought she was crazy and I said yes. I told her she is not the same person she was six months ago and I don't really like who she is now. It is almost an empowering feeling seeing her get her stuff out of here. Well just wanted to say hi and that I'm not a convict. Not yet at least.<BR>Brandon

Brandon, what would happen if you packed the stuff for her. Neatness wouldn't have to be an issue.Plastic garbage bags would work. But if you had it all ready for her and all she had to do was carry it away?<P>I know it's probably a big lovebuster but would you feel as if you had claimed the place as your own? Would it be healing?<P>Now, if you feel you might want to go to counseling with this woman and work on building a new marriage, I wouldn't recommend it. But my counselor encouraged me, knowing I was fighting with every fiber of my being to save my marriage, to pack x's stuff and tell him to come and get it or ...... However, the attorney said packing was one thing but putting it outside with an ultimatum to come and get it by a certain date or it went in the trash was another.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Goodguy:<BR>"She even had the nerve to say I'm not respecting her be giving her the space to do this without me around. HA! You want to talk about giving respect."<P>Goodguy,<P>Are you sure its not my wife that you are married to?<P>Kind of a short pretty girl with nerve the size of a small country? Africa perhaps???<P>What I have found is that there is a lot of truth in the saying "what goes around, comes around". <P>Yes there will be some small satisfaction when she finally leaves. But there will also be an emptiness that you need to prepair for.<P>Keep doing the right thing as you see it....only now try to concentrate that effort more on yourself. <P>The ball is and has been in her court. She is not only not picking it up...she seems to want to be able to slam you in the head with it....and then have you like it.<P>As long as you can look in the mirror and like the guy you see, then you are doing a fine job. Your life will be a success. Im not sure about hers.<P>Take good care of yourself.<P>Randy <P>

Sorry everyone if this will upset you. And i really don't want to step on anyones toes, but I do have a question. Does anyone believe in God here? I understand what everyone is going through, believe me I do. My husband divorced me this past February and told me he hated me, but with alot of prayer and focusing on God, my ex no longer hates me. We are actually good friends. he doesn't want to reconcile, but he never wanted to be friends either and look what God has done. Neither one of us had an affair, we grew apart ( 17 and a half years) and he hated me because I wouldn't move from the house until the divorce was final. Guess what, I am still in the same house with him, seven months after the final decree. I will move when I can afford it and he knows that. But with the Lord's help I won't move.<BR>Again I apologize if I hurt someone's feelings, I just wanted to know if others stand for the marriage as I am doing.<BR>morriggs@yahoo.com

I believe. I give Him credit for the fact that I survived. But, this is one case where I didn't get the desired answer to my prayer. <P>Perhaps you don't have an x who yells at you in front of the children - loud enough for the neighbors to be uncomfortable on their own front porch - nearly 100 feet away. And perhaps he hasn't been the type of person who doesn't believe in getting mad, he believes in getting even. And perhaps he doesn't admit that his goal in life is to make your life hell. <P>Yes, the name of the game is love and kindness. <P>However, the concept of tough love is also a good one. There are consequences to all our actions.<P>You can use love and kindness while being firm.

goodguy--I love your name!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>I'm the mom of an OW (she is 25 and single) and it has effected our family greatly. We have gained so much insight here at MB. On of the things that has worked for us is to treat her the opposit of what she expects. We made it CLEAR how we felt about the A and really got into it, untill coming here to MB. <BR>I don't know if you could pull it off, but consider this. When she comes to move her things, tell her NICELY that you are going to help her. Then go about helping her as you would any friend. You might make small talk, ask about work etc. Then tell her that because you care so much about her, you hope she finds happiness, leave with out even a tear. But you must be NICE!!! You might have most of it packed before she comes so that it won't take so long.<BR>You see, good guy, all the ranting and raving with our daughter only pushed her away to run to MM and tell him how horrible we were-"fuel the fire".<BR>The same with you, any "precieved" unkinkness on you part will give her a way to rationalize what she is doing. If you are unemotional about it, then she is left with the unexpected. What does she do about THAT? <BR>This is also about saving some of your own self-esteme. You have acted like an ADULT. You have taken the HIGHER road. You leave her with nothing to be angry about. She WILL be looking for something to be angry about because it makes it easier for her to "not love you".<P>------------------<BR>Marry

Goodguy,<P>HER SPACE!!! HER SPACE!!! She's all confused, she means HER WAY! She is so incredibly insensitive and selfish. She's just mad because O/M can't help her. She's thinking if she gets mad at you enough, you will give in and let her have "HER WAY". She's a spoiled rotten little brat!<P>Well, just saying the things you wanna say. <P>ANNA<P>

Wow my fist on fire folder. Really last night I was just looking for that little incentive to go have a little talk with OM if you know what I mean. Anyways I'm glad I didn't. <BR>Gottruth thanks for your opinions. Yeah I actually had planned on doing exactly what you suggested.<P>Anna you crack me up. She really has changed. She was not like this for the past six years. You know what I hope she stays like this while she is living with OM. I will probably get a call from him begging me to take her back. Thanks all for your support and opinions, they are greatly needed and welcomed.<P>Brandon

Goodguy,<P>Oh, you just made me laugh! I think you can use this to your advantage later. I'm talking $$$. When other male calls begging for you to take her back, that's when you need to negotiate and ask "If I take her back, how much child support will I get per month?" <P>ANNA<BR>

Oh Anna that is so funny. I think that is the first real belly laugh I have had since this happened. Whew, I hope this guy is rich.

LOL!!!<P>Well now that I got a good laugh today. I'm starvin', I'm gonna go cook steaks on the grill.<P>Wish you guys were all here to join me. <P>ANNA

Hi Goodguy,<P>I can see you are feeling a little better...does you good to have a laugh, doesn't it?<P>I am tired of being 'nice' but until I get the Plan B letter written I suppose I have to be 'nice' . I am sure he will email today wanting to know how I did st social security (looking after his bank account, nothing to do with concern for ME).<P>I agree with Anna's comments . But then my H is a spoiled brat too, wants HIS way as well as HIS space.<P>Maybe you, me and idostylin should all get together and write the Plan B letters together, wrap 'em all in dynamite and send them off!!!I am proud of you because you didn't go to the hotel...that must have been hard not to do. What did you do instead, if you don't mind me asking?<P>Sending you love and light,<P>Jacky

hi Goodguy,<P>just letting you know I'm thinking of you. This whole infidelity business is so hard isn't it.<P>

HI Goodguy,<BR>I drop in here occ and read, but rarely comment on this forum. <BR>Flagyl-the trade name for metronidazole and a lot easier to say, is used for bacterial vaginosis and for trichmoniasis. It is used for other things too, but in your situation, those infections would be likely. <BR>You need another course of the drug if you had sex after taking it last time, and since she is on it again. Dont panic, it is not urgent. But see your doc when you get a chance. Also would rec all std tests including hiv and hepatitis.<BR>Very impressive that you stayed so calm!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>(((((hugs))))) cl