I am having difficulty finding balance with the Joint Policy Agreement when it comes to issues as this: I know my wife and I need to be in a good counseling situation. My wife refuses to go- and even says she does not want me to go, even alone. This would be going against the Joint Policy Agreement if I were to do so, and would become a Love Buster if I understand right. My wife says that counseling is stupid, for mentally ill people, that all the counselor want is our money, we dont have money to throw away, you never do what they tell us to do anyway, etc..I have heard these lines so much it sounds like a broken record...<BR>I strongly believe in counseling and know that God uses Christian counselors to help us through difficult passages...<BR>So can someone shed light on this with regard to the Policy...<BR>My wife also refuses to agree to giving of a tithe to our church. Something I strongly believe in.<BR>Many beliefs which I believe in and hold dearly I feel like I have to let go of and submit to the Policy...then I end up feeling like Im losing who I am ...my Christian faith, and values which I hold dearly...yes, stubbornly. My wife is also a professing Christian.<BR>Hey, Bruce , I'd like to hear from you on this. Obadiah<P>------------------<BR>

Obadiah,<P>Read the Q&A on the policy of Joint Agreement: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5505_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5505_qa.html</A> .<P>You've presented your situations as "black or white". What you (and your wife) need to do is to learn how to negotiate. There are four rules for keeping negotations safe and pleasant listed in that Q&A: Steve Harley told me to write them down on an index card and refer to them when I was working on this with my wife.<P>Once you learn how to negotiate, these areas will seem less daunting. Your wife's complaints about counseling could be diffused by finding free or cheap counseling, doing this to benefit her, involving her in your "solo" counseling by "grading" your performance, etc.<P>The tithing for church should also be solvable. Perhaps a small amount, or perhaps you donating time or services for your church would suffice. Again, respectful negotiation is the key.<P>You should be listening to your wife's complaints, and taking them seriously. Come up with a plan that shows that you listened and are respectful of her opinions, and that you want to always work for a "win-win" situation.

Thank you, K, for your input. I will take that to heart. That does provide a positive solution. I still have that resentment factor of being in a one sided effort of trying to "do my part". Yet I really do feel a sense that there are many areas I need to take responsiblilty for myself in regards to.I very much contribute to the marital conflicts we have. Thanks again.Obadiah