Does this make any sense?<P>I've been living on and off with my girlfriend for the last four years. We have set a wedding date and everything is in the works, but I am still not sure. We are going to a pre-marriage counselor next week.<P>I miss my girlfriend when I am away, but I'm not sure if this is simply a case of being without a woman or her or what? We have a few things in common, but not a lot. One person told me this is a case of thinking the grass is always greener on the other side.<BR>I feel love for my three nieces, my parents, but I just don't know what I feel for this woman. <P>Question: Did many of the participants feel totally in love before marriage?<P>How many had doubts which they wish they had listened to before their marriage?<P>How many are glad they overcame their reservation (or cold feet) and are happy with their decision.<P>P.s. The opposite can be true and thus I hope women would offer their insight as well.<P>

John,<BR> Love, real love comes with time. Real love is what keeps a woman from killing her husband after picking up his dirty socks for the 100th time, its what keeps a man around when we are hormonal messes.<BR> Love is more than those wonderful butterflies in the stomach, and the rapid beating of hearts, real love is a commitment. The words for better or for worse are in the vows for a reason. You need to go into a marriage thinking, that no matter what happens, you are in this for life. Marriage has to be worked on, problems must be worked through. Ask yourself, what if she's in an accident and unable to care for herself, what will you do, if you can't be willing to stay with her, and to care for her and love her then don't marry her. What if God forbid, she cheated on you? Would you stay and work it out? What if you become attracted to another woman later, will you be strong enough and love her enough to walk away from the woman and go home to your wife?<BR>Far too many people today get married thinking "if it doesn't work or if I'm not happy I can always get a divorce" this is fatal to a marriage. I have been married for over 21 years, we have been through hell and back and then some in that time, but I'm still here, and I intend to stay married, I ment it when I said till death do us part.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<BR>-------------------------<BR>WE are the champions my friends, and we'll keep on fighting till the end<BR>Queen - We are the champions

John..........<P> I have a totally different view then Becky. I feel you should always feel those butterflys somehow if you are IN LOVE with that person. In love and loving to me are two totally different feelings. I am not in love with my spouse anymore. We are still married but I am not happy and have not been for 2 years. People change through the years. Granted some work out there changes or change together but in my case we have changed and we don't have anything in common anymore. I feel if you have any doubts what so ever spare her and you and think about it longer or let her go. I wish I would have thought different before I married. I married and knew how he was and probably ignored it just because maybe I thought it would change. And this deal about till death do us part. I feel if you are unhappy and that person cannot fill your needs anymore God will understand if you decide to move on. I am not sayin move on with another. Heck I feel I will never be in love again and so if I am by myself which right now I am inside then so be it. To me I cannot live like strangers in the same house forever. I am still here cause of my kids and I need to get a few things done before I make that big step. I have thought about different ways believe me. But I think no matter what you sometime just have to make yourself happy. I have made everybody else happy through the years I lost myself on the way. Now I don't know how to find her again. I don't know if this will help you at all. I think if you miss her when shes not there thats a good sign of love. But I think you better dig a bit deeper and really see what your feelings are before you take that step. Maybe you should sit down and tell her your feelings and really be honest with her. Tell her exactly what you wrote in this post. You never know it just might help you to decide.