I wrote a really detailed post and it wouldn't let me submit, so I lost it.<P>I'm going to Plan B RIGHT now, well after have sent the letter, which is not yet composed, and won't be until tomorrow night cos I have a busy day tomorrow. But I printed out lots of Plan B letters before I left SA, so it shouldn't be a problem.<P>Why? Cos I talked with h tonight and was telling him I have to move from here, want to actually, and he sounded so damned cheerful that I was moving on. It infuriated me....but of course I am not doing this out of anger. I am doing it because I can hardly dig into myself now to find that little bit of love. The doormat syndrome has kicked in. In fact, if he jumped a plane and landed on my doorstep tomorrow morning, I would kick his sorry [censored] out.<P>I asked him if this was what he really wanted, stupid me, I should have remembered to not ask questions if you think you won't like the answer. But the thing is he COULDN'T answer...kept waffling and not saying YES or NO. He said in the end "Well, I miss the kids, and that's where it's at at the moment." GUTLESS WONDER!!! <P>Well I want to move on, so I have had enough of being treated like some ancient relic, just waiting for the tourists to come visit. And with every thing I have to do here to get myself organised, it is a step away from him, made with resentment...don't they say when you're resentful it's also time for Plan B?<P>I am so mad I lost that other post...it was more detailed. I just can't write it all again.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

(((((((Jacky)))))))<P>Though it may not seem like it, it's probably for the best right now. A plan B with contact only for business and the children is probably what you need. <P>Wish it didn't have to come to this.<P><BR>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Jacky,<P>Good luck with the letter and everything. You waited and did this when you totally felt comfortable with it. That is great! We can all tell you when we think you should go to plan b, but only you know when to go. I see the things you write about him and all his many affairs (I truly think there were many) and I think no woman could make him happy enough for him not to be in affairs. He needs help and counseling to do this on his own. He may never get this. I know there are men or women who make mistakes and have an affair but I think he's different. His affairs are an addiction to him, no different than alcohol or drugs. It's good you are not letting him drag you down with him.<P>I know you said you won't marry someone divorced, but there are good divorced people out there. You just have to look at the whole of the person. Not just how they are treating you but how they treat other people. Some day Jacky, someone will sweep you off your feet. I just know it.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA<BR>

Hi Bill,<P>Long time no see on the forum!<P>Well when i feel like I just cannot bit my tongue one more time, when I think he has not progressed in any way as regards to his feelings for me, when I think my whole life has been a sham because of him, when i KNOW my love is just going down the sink...then it's time.<P>But I had a very, very sad thought...it already is a Plan B as far as he is concerned...he only ever contacts me for business and kids, and me the same, though I have been trying my best to Plan A stuff all the while. It went un-noticed. <P>I swear this guy is getting advice from someone...probably OW...she has delved in this stuff, not MB, but behaviour management things. He is just too pat in his answers.<P>I am just too tired to try and play the game. And anyway, who wants this kind of guy around? I know he has cheated at least five times, though he thinks I only know of two...I have no proof of one of the others, but i know I was just hiding the facts to myself.<P>Hey I would feel a lot better writing a really horrible "I know what you did to me and you suck" letter. OOOHHHH the thought is so tempting. And then give copies to his folks!!!! Nah, it'd only hurt them...hey send copies to OW??? See what she fought so hard to get???<P>Calm down everyone, I'm only joking, but I still would LOVE to do that!<P>YES I am angry!!!!<P>

Jacky,<P>Someday when all this over, I'd say write that nasty letter. Tell him what you really think. Of course, as tempting as it may be I wouldn't send it to the folks, but I would send it to him. There is no doubt in my mind that you are a victim. They say sometimes it helps for victims to write to the person who hurt them, letting them know how there actions hurt so many people. I know this isn't the time for that letter and it maybe won't be for years to come, but when you are ready for the "look what you did letter" then write it.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA<BR>

Anna,<P>I won't, and it's because I can't trust anyone again after that. I know everyone is different. He was so good at the game, he had me sucked in for years. He was so nice, so considerate, and kind and all the rest, and underneath was this guy living a secret other life. How do you know that will never happen again...and they say people tend to pick the same kind of partner each time. No, it's not for me....sorry, I don't need a man in my life. I got along well enough before him, and I will again.<P>Tell you what...I am willing to maybe consider someone who has been in exactly the same place I have and can prove it. And has used MB or the Harley primcipals and knows what to give and take in a relationship.<P>But I know that's asking the world, so forget it.<P>Sorry to be pessimistic, but this is the second time I have had a relationship based on deceit, and I won't do it again...especially when I have my kids along with me.<P>Love and thanks,<P>Jacky

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Anna2000:<BR><B><P>Someday when all this over, I'd say write that nasty letter. Tell him what you really think. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Jacky, I'm out for most of the day but I'll check my e-mail tonight.<P>Anna as tempting as it may be I've always chose to walk the high ground. Writing such a letter would serve absolutely no positive purpose. <P>I wear a "WWJD" bracelet on one wrist and a "POW/MIA" on the other. Believe me when my X does something and I really just want to let her have it, I look at my bracelets. The POW bracelet reminds me that my problems are very small compared to those who've suffered for our flag. The "WWJD" bracelet reminds me to love everyone, even my X.<P>See you ladies later.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Sorry Bill, I am ignorant of the abbreviations...like to fill me in???<P>Just set up a kid email address and posted it to H. For the FIRST time did not sign off as Love, Jacky. Didn't even sign. He probably won't even notice.<BR>

Bill,<P>Good point. You are right. I would probably write the letter just for my own benefit. It helps to vent sometimes, but I would never ever send mine.<P>Although I do still think, some people do need to write and send it. As well, as I think some husbands need to read it. Maybe it would do know good but I have heard sometimes years later it does help with healing.<P>Take care Bill,<P>ANNA<BR>

That's why one day, I will send the letter...a long way from here, when we don't have kids to deal with...but the reason I will do it is not for vindictiveness, just for closure. Because I need him to know, one day down the years, that he ended up not fooling me ONE BIT.<P>

WWJD - What Would Jesus Do!!!<P>POW/MIA - Prisoner of War/Missing in Action These bracelets were really popular in the Vietnam Conflict, the one I wear is from an US Army soldier who over 30 years later is still listed by my government as "Missing in Action".<P>OK, I'm really leaving now, I'll be back in about 4-5 hours.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Perhaps it's time to do what we discussed in our email.<P>Michelle

Oh Michelle,<P>So glad you could come here to say that...and yes, I know. I printed out the email you sent, co I never wanted to forget your wise, wise words. Yes, I will use it to do what I have to do. Thank you for reminding me of it.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky<P>BTW, heard from WFH???<p>[This message has been edited by Nina too (edited September 25, 2001).]

I must have missed the plan a and plan b stuff. where do I find it?

I must have missed the plan a and plan b stuff. where do I find it?

i feel you on this. i told my ex yesterday that if he wanted any us he was going to have to pursue me. i have made it very clear that i love him and that i did not want to seperate. he has made it clear and has continued to make it clear that the kids and me are not what is important to him. so, **** him... ya know??<P>please let me know where i can get some plan b letters. i am ready too. <P>Jacky, we are too good to have these men mistreating us. we deserve better. love is not supposed to hurt like this. (((((((((((((((jacky)))))))))))))))<P>i love you<P>kim...

I am sorry you have to go through this jackie, you have been working so hard and I think you deserve a break. Unfortunatly you are up against the wall. I think you are making a wise choice for now, maybe you can rest and work on yourself now. Take care of yourself jackie I am cheering you on. You have worked so hard now just take time for you<BR>

Thank you Kim and jabber,<P>I just got back from doing my jobs and it is really comforting to know people are here that are behind me.<P>Sitting there at the social security office was the most humiliating thing I have ever done in my life. I have never taken money from the government, and even though I have entitlement to it, I wish I had never been put in that position. And H just sounds like he's happy things are moving ahead. He has NO idea what I have to do over here.<P>Dad also took me to the bank and so tomorrow I get my car!!! Yay, some freedom. We won't be housebound. I had to go to the post office yesterday, and took the kids to get some exercise. Well, it poured with rain, but it was weird...it managed to hold off while we walked, only pouring while we did our business, and then stopped as soon as we wanted to walk back. Strange...but I felt someone was looking after us!<P>We also got lists of rental properties, so I will start that stuff on Friday.<P>Gee I sound strong, don't I? Well I can tell you I'm not....the brain isn't working, I seem to not be taking things in too well. I am glad my dad was with me this morning.<P>I still want to take H to task over all this...he is in a dream world if he thinks it's all okay over here.<P>Kim, if you do a search, you can find Plan B...if you pick search subject only instead of search entire message you will get better results.<P>Thank you again guys.<P>Love, Jacky

Hi Jacky...<P>How r ya? I've been reading right along and lurking but I haven't had much to add so I just read. Anyway, it sounds like you need something to keep you busy just to get your head of your H... you're very resentful of him right now, and yeah, rightly so. But in the end, will that help you or hurt you? You have to decide that... I am thankful that you got the car and are looking for a flat... what's next? You've got a very active mind so you must get it going on something or it will dwell on H and his fun and fancy life... (or so it seems)<P>Cheers!<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Jacky, I am sorry you have come to this point. But you have worked hard, done the right things. In my brief time here, i have seen you grow in spirit and strength. In the midst of your own troubles, you have also taken the time to help others. You have done all you could to save your marriage and family. As maudlin as it may sound, take comfort from that. You did all you could, and that is all anyone can do.<P>You can still keep to the high road. Write that scorcher of a letter, then tuck it away. Don't give him the satisfaction to say "see, I told you so..." You are the wronged one here, but you can come out of this with your head held high and the love of your kids.<P>This may also sound more sappy than a Vermont maple tree in springtime, but i really believe things work out like they are supposed to, although it usually does not seem lik it at the time. I look back on the things i wanted but did not get, and where my life would have gone if i had gotten them, and i thank God for what at the time seemed like bad fortune.<P>Take life slow, heal yourself, build a new relationship with your kids, and life will come back to you. You are strong, and wise-i can tell this from what you say here. You will make it through this.<P>(((((Jacky)))))<P>Peace to you and your precious kids-you will have a special place in my prayers tonight.