Hi OvrCs,<P>I was wondering where you got to...let me know how you are doing.<P>You are right I am in a very angry place right now, and it is because I have too much time on my hands, my mum is FURIOUS with H and never missed an opportunity to tell me, so my anger levels aren't getting a chance to frop. And yes the more it goes on, the more I wonder about what the hell he is up to. Can't be ALL that good, cos he doesn't sound happy on the phone.<P>I have got plans which will keep me busy...mostly kids organisation things; athletics, swimming and karate lessons, gymnastics as well as counseling for them. I am a teacher so when school starts I can help as a volunteer.<P>For me I want to get piano lessons and join a theatre group, and a mother's group with my youngest. So I have some goals...don't know whether the money will cover any of it though.<P>ANB3, thanks for the encouragement, and compliments. I have taken the high road with this so far, and I won't send any bad letter...I just <B>want</B> to . It's the evil demon in me...we all have them!!! Tell you what, I should get my mum to do it, boy that thing would be on fire before it left her pc!!!! Joking again, I know I can't do that!<P>Well I have worked hard, just as hard as everyone here. And now I am tired of carrying the load. The kids and i are going to make a new life, without him, and that is just the way it has to be. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be happier. I won't have his disrespect, his lies, his making me feel dumb, his unreasonable demands, or his MESS. And I also liked the freedom of choosing my car and paying for it without his input. And I will do the same with our new home. I just am too tired for the fight, now.<P>Thanks again.<P>Love Jacky

Hi Jacky,<P>Just wanted to say hi and yes you will be happier, but it takes time, a long time, to get past this. It's been a really long time for me and I spent the night crying last night again. Wish one of these smiley icons had a half smile and a tear saying I know how you feel, and you are going to be ok.<P>Take care,<P><P>------------------<BR>Kathy

Hi Jacky,<P>just a word from me. I tried Plan B but I found it never worked for me. I think maybe because I tried so hard to shield the girls from all this cr*p, and to keep their Daddy in their life, it was impossible. He would want to talk about the girls, what I had booked them into, what they were doing etc. And maybe because I was a little weak too, *I* couldn't quite let go. I tried, God knows I tried, but I think I wanted him in my life, no matter how little. Even talking about the girls was *something*, you know what I mean. I was desparate to cling to anything, and the girls was a means of communicating with him.<P>With hindsight, I don't think I could have (or would have) done anything differently. The girls have a great relationship with their dad, (although it has it's moments) and we (he and I) can stand to be in the same room without all hell errupting. That has to count for something in these days of bitter divorces and custody disputes.<P>I'm down at Mum and Dad's at the moment, I have a 0500 sign-on tomorrow (yuck yuck yuck) and I really need to get to bed. I'm sorry if this sounds like waffle but I had to get up at 0245 this morning!!!! Bit tired at the moment....<P>Take care of you, and keep on doing so well. You may not think you are, but you really are doing so well.<P>GO LIONS!!!!!!<P>love and hugs to you girl<P>Jo<P>

CAR'N THE BOMBERS!!!!!!!<P>It's supposed to be 30 degrees here on Saturday, when the footy is played...guess i know all those accimatise Bears will be in their prime .<P>Thanks Kathy and Jo...still resolved to follow this through, and whether I can stick to it or not, only time will tell. I know it is hard with kids, and stuff, but I think I will tell him in the Plan B letter to not call me, but to email me on what he wants to know, and I will do the same...it HAS to be that way. Plan B is cutting me off from him, not the kids.<P>I logged on to email, it said I had one message, and while it loaded, I,m sitting here saying "PLEASE don't let it be from him!!!" over and over...it wasn't. And I was actually glad. So you see why I am ready for Plan B, if I'm thinking like that.<P>Bonnet, who do you fly with, and it is domestic or international? Just curious!<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky<P><P>------------------<BR>"When the going gets tough, the tough get going" - Nina's dad.

Hi Jackie,<BR> You are doing much better than you thing, I see you are doing all the things you have to do for yourself, In the end you will be the better person, I am sorry you have to go through the humiliation of needing goverment assistance, but be proud you are doing what you have to do, take advantage of what they give you and go to school or what ever they will help with, it will make you better person once you get on feet and start taking care of yourself, I know that it is only temporary for you so be proud you are making it and won't need it for ever. you just keep taking care of yourself, <P>

Hi jabber,<P>I like that you check in every day when I have a thread going...<P>I know, I'm doing this stuff,and I know it's right. <P>Don't want to whinge anymore today, so I'll just say thanks again. <P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Jacky- I've been lurking on this for a day or so; I don't have anything useful to say, other than you are clearly doing what is best for you and your children, and you have done everything you can do to heal the marriage. If you can't get any help from your husband, I think you're right that it's Plan B time. Good luck to you. <BR>

I just enter plan A, I admire all of you who have gone this plan and even more for those who has to step to the next step. I pray for you to be strong.<P>Hadi

Thanks dabigtrain, and other replies.<P>I am feeling a lot of resentment towards my H right now, that he didn't care enough about our relationship to honour his commitment to me.<P>And when I think of his stone face and his dead voice and his total lack of emotion, except for the day we left...it just makes me want to be sick. Why would I want that?<P>You know what has bugged me all along about the separation is that I haven't known what he has spent his time doing....he NEVER told me of any recreational stuff...he treated me less well than a stranger he met on the street.<P>I asked my friend in SA if she had spoken to him and she said no, but they send funny emails to each other...I am so hurt by this...see I look at it that he has completely cut me off anyway, so Plan B will only be a relief to him since he has been doing it to me anyway.<P>Dabigtrain, you raised a point that a lot of other people did...did i try everything. I don't know. I don't think I got the CHANCE to try everything, you know?<P>So where does this leave me...I am full of resentment, I want to try to do SOMETHING to salvage the marriage, though if it ever was, it would be a NEW marriage...but then again I don't.<P>Totally and utterly confused again.

Jacky,<P>Just checking in on everybody real quick. It's been a wild couple of weeks and I haven't been able to post or read as often as I would like to.<P>My older brother was in a motocycle crash(no helmet) and has been in Neuro ICU since Friday night. Last night they finally let him come out of the coma and he is off the ventilator and doing better now. He had a blood clot removed from his brain but seems to have no paralysis so far. He is extremely lucky.<P>That has kept me busy and I have been very depressed since last Friday when I filed for divorce. I'm still sure I did the right thing but I'm having a hard time convincing my heart. Also my H is making things emotionally hard on me with comments like he hasn't given up hope that one day we might get back together. Well I'd like to have a million bucks too but I know I have to work at it to even make an attempt. He is not willing to DO anything. He justs wants to live in limbo land with me being his buddy. It is growing very old. <P>Anyway, I just wanted to say I was catching up on your saga and I've noticed you got some great support from our fellow MB pals. What would we do without them???/<P>Have a great day!<P>Lynn

Lynn,<P>I saw the news about your brother on your other post, and it was kind of a trigger for me (I lost a brother last year) so I didn't reply. He is so lucky to be alive riding a bike without a helmet...I hope his recovery is swift and total. I know that would have been a huge, huge worry for you, on top of your own problems, I think you are so strong to be still getting through this.<P>I would give anything if my H had been my friend through this, but he hasn't...I know all the reasons why, but it stil hurts that I was so unimportant to him.<P>You know I was going through my stuff yesterday and I found the Program for the show we did together "Pirates of Penzance". We all sign each others' programs at the end of the season, and here's what he wrote for me.<P>"To the best wife ever, from one millenium to the next."<P>That was the end of April. He left on July 7th.<P>Intellectually I know I should give up on this...it is just dragging me down so much lately. But my heart will not let go, even when I thought it had. Someone on another thread says love is a choice...well I'm here to tell you it's not, not at this end of things anyway. <P>I am very low today, but maybe I will cheer up when i see my new car tonight (haven't even laid eyes on it...my dad is in the car trade, so I trust him to do the best for me...he has it had thoroughly checked out and says it's great. Maybe I'll go for a drive with the kids tonight, and let off some steam.<P>BTW, congratulations on winning the two computers!!! <P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nina too:<BR>Dabigtrain, you raised a point that a lot of other people did...did i try everything. I don't know. I don't think I got the CHANCE to try everything, you know?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, I know, but there is no difference. I'd like to run over to my wife's house right now, burst in the door, smother her with kisses and tell her again how beautiful she is- but she is not open to that display of affection. We try what we have the opportunity to try. If your husband didn't give you an opening to try something, cross it off your list. Did you try everything? You tried everything you could.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>So where does this leave me...I am full of resentment, I want to try to do SOMETHING to salvage the marriage, though if it ever was, it would be a NEW marriage...but then again I don't.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's straight out of "Divorce Busting"- divorce the old marriage, start a new one. The thing is, just as you couldn't have started your marriage with your husband in the first place if he wasn't interested, you can't start a new marriage with him under the same circumstances. It stinks, but it's thr truth.<BR>

Thanks for the size 9.<P>You are right, I did the best I could at the time. And that means I shouldn't be looking back and saying what if, because there was no chance for any of that.<P>Also currently, I believe he is still unsure, or more to the point, reluctant to give the go-ahead for the divorce, but this is probably fear of the process and what he will lose in money and kid time, not me.<P>Other night on the phone, I couldn't help but ask him if he was sure he wanted to do this, looooonnnnnggggg pause then he said something like, well things are moving along now. I said you didn't answer my question, again he waffled. Third time (I can be stubborn) I asked him again and he said "Well, the thing is, I miss the kids, and that's where it stands now."<P>He could not give me a straight out, "yes this is what I want, move ahead with your life cos I don't want to be married."<P>And while that would have KILLED me, it would have been closure, complete and utter. <P>But that conversation, and my realisation of other A's the next day is what prompted me to go to Plan B. Cos I am tired of it all. It's just my stupid heart won't allow me to move on as fast as I want to.<P>I feel bad today, and I shouldn't come here when I am like this.<P>Sorry.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I feel bad today, and I shouldn't come here when I am like this.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, hon, that's when you <I>should</I> come here. No need to apologize.<P>

Jacky:<P>How are you? I email you the other day, but have not heard from you.<P>Michelle

dabigtrain,<P>I just KNEW someone would write that <P>Yes, and isn't it good that we have this place to come to? I have surfed around a lot, and I don't think I have seen a better board, and the feeling of comraderie (sp?) seems so much stronger here.<P>If I didn't have this site, I would have gone mad by now. Thank you everyone for your time and effort in writing back to me.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky