As you might have read in I found her car at a motel, I was just informed that she will not spend tonight at home she will be at the motel. I am going to call her and tell her to come get enough stuff to last her until Saturday the final move out day for her. What does everyone think?????

GG:<BR>It sounds to me as if you have enough reason to ask her to leave right now, but then again, I have not asked my W to move and I have been given some provocation to do so.<P>I know that this is no real help, I just did not want to read your posst and ignore you.<P>I hope you do well through out this.<P><BR>All my best,<BR>vb_guy

(((((((((((((((((((((Brandon))))))))))))))))))))))<P>That is just SO bad of her.<P>I would shove all her stuff into plastic bags, leave it on the step, call her, say come get your stuff NOW, it's on the step in bags, and that's ALL you say before hanging up.<P>You need immediate action on this.<P>What she is seeing when you allow this to happen is that you have no breaking point...she can do whatever she likes and you don't react. Well, now you need to take a stand for yourself.<P>I am so angry at her, on your behalf...how can anyone treat a person like that???<P>Love and lots of light,<P>Jacky

Hey lil brother,<P>I think it's the right thing to call her and tell her to come get her stuff. Also, so you won't have to go through this pain on Saturday too. If possible could she just come move today or will that require a moving van. If it will require a moving van. You really need to get this over with. I would suggest to her she rent that moving van for tomorrow. She is not going to change her mind about this. I am convinced my cyber sister in law is just a little spoiled brat. Have you thought about taking her over your knee. <P>Take care, ANNA<BR>

GG,<P>Just going to bed soon and was hoping you would come back on and let us know what happened.<P>Well I hope everything is fine and you are doing ok. I hope you decided to go for a walk or jog or something.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goodguy:<BR><B>As you might have read in I found her car at a motel, I was just informed that she will not spend tonight at home she will be at the motel. I am going to call her and tell her to come get enough stuff to last her until Saturday the final move out day for her. What does everyone think?????</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>GG,<P>STOP LETTING HER DO THIS TO YOU!!!!!! Any questions?<P>Take care my friend.<P>Randy

Brandon,<P>Are you there?<P>You have been doing something apart from this board, and I hope it was for your benefit, whatever it was.<P>please let us know how you got on.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Brandon:<P>It is so hard to say when enough is enough. But I beleive it is time. You are being taken advantage of. She is walking all over your heart and sole and you do not deserve it. <P>If you have not already, you need to kick her out. You also need to stand your ground. If she chooses to be with someone else, so be it. But she should not be with someone else and living under your roof at the same time. Let her live in that hotel room she is so fond of.<P>Pack her things for her and put them out on the front step. Or deliver them to her at the Hotel. Leave them with the front desk and have them tell her she has something waiting for her and she should come get it.<P>It is easier said than done, but if you do not take this step, it will only get worse for you.<P>e_w_s

Hello everyone,<P>Well I got my wish. I told her to come get enough stuff to last her until Saturday. She was not happy. I told her what she was doing was sick, cruel and showed absolutely no respect for me. To make a long story short, when I came home today for lunch I noticed the pets were gone. All of her other stuff is exactly where she left it. (She's been boxing stuff up). It looks like she just ran in and grabbed the cats and left. I called her to make sure she was gone for awhile and she said yes. Then she asked if I was going to be there Saturday for the big move. As soon as she asked we got diconnected. Cell phones gotta love em. My feeling is she won't come if I'm here Saturday. Or that is if I tell her I"m going to be here Saturday. My biggest concern is if she doesn't come Saturday that her and OM will sneak in next week while I"m at work. This is alot of guessing but I don't know why else she would ask right off if I'm going to be here. So here's a question for you. Should I lie about not being here. When she shows up she really won't have a choice. My main thing is that I want to say goodbye in person. I think that is what she is fearing but she has told me over and over that she would. Any thoughts?

Goodguy,<P>Wow, I just came on. I'm glad you told her. My suggestion is this. Tell her that yes you will be there Saturday. Tonight change the locks or tomorrow take the day off then change them after Saturday.<P>Take care.<BR>ANNA<BR>

I wish I could but we live in an apartment.

Can you ask them to change it and you will pay for it? Also, get her name off the lease. Call and ask.<P>ANNA<P>

I don't know if it will come to that yet. I'm just always trying to plan a couple of steps in front of her. She's pretty predictable. Hopefully it won't. Hopefully she will come saturday and just move out in a civil way. I'll let you know. I'm completely physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I took the after noon off which means I have a really long weekend since I won't be going to the company retreat this weekend. I'm going to take a nap.

Brandon,<P>Good for you. If you don't get this message now. I hope you had a good nap. I think you are right. I think no matter what she will move out on Saturday. Even if she get's all her things and give you back your apt key. I will still get her name off the lease and change the locks tomorrow. Mainly because you may have this fear of her or o/m always having access to your things and to your apt. <P>I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire, but she is so selfish to ask you if you are still going to be there on Saturday, after she knows how much you are hurting and how strongly you feel about it. Her head really is in a fog.<BR> <BR>Take care.<P>ANNA<P>

Brandon,<P>I know what you mean by wanting to say goodby. I never really got the chance to do that...but I still will at some point.<P>You didnt get your wish my friend. You want your wife back and you and everyone here knows it. Im so sorry... I know this pain you are going through. Its terrible! <P>Let her go for now Brandon. And make it easty for her. Tell her that you wanted to be there to say goodby on Sat. Tell her that you love her and that you think she is making a big mistake but that you will help her in any way she chooses. <P>And if that means clearing out so that she can get her stuff on Sat. then do that. <P>You can always feel good about taking the high road. Shes going Brandon....make her last memory of you a good one.<P>I wish you the best.<P>Take good care of yourself.<P>Randy

Randy,<P>You may know this but in case you don't. The reason she doesn't want him there is so she can have o/m help her move. So she wants Brandon not to be there. Well, I would have a big problem with letting my stbx's o/w into my house while I wasn't there, to go through my house at will. Anyway, Dr. Harley told Brandon to be there and tell him o/m won't enter his house. Brandon has to live there afterwards, this would really be so unfair for her to cheapen it by bring him there.<P>Well just wanted to explain a little more.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Anna2000:<BR><B>Randy,<P>You may know this but in case you don't. The reason she doesn't want him there is so she can have o/m help her move. So she wants Brandon not to be there. Well, I would have a big problem with letting my stbx's o/w into my house while I wasn't there, to go through my house at will. Anyway, Dr. Harley told Brandon to be there and tell him o/m won't enter his house. Brandon has to live there afterwards, this would really be so unfair for her to cheapen it by bring him there.<P>Well just wanted to explain a little more.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes I understand. <P>I was never able to stay out of the "mess" and I regret that. It would have been so much easier to work on our marriage than to go through this stuff.<P>In my case I had to meet the OM...its just the way I am. I wanted him to see me and hear me and mostly look me in the eye. And it turns that that happened but he really had no choise in the matter...I kind of forced the issue if you know what I mean. <P>In the end all it told me was that this was not a very nice guy and I ended up (strangely) feeling sorry for my wife.<P>Ive seen enough in this life to know that what goes around eventually comes back around to that person, so I get little satisfaction in seeing those that I love to be hurt.<P>And yes I still love the person that my wife was.....its just that that person no longer exists. I see her from time to time in court and its like Im looking at a total stranger. So wierd.<P>Before finding marriagebuilders I was a get in there and mix it up type of person. You know always defending my position and all... I'll still do that but I love the "policy of joint agreement".<P>So many marriages could be.... not just saved, but extremely happy with just this one tool.<P><BR>All the other principles of this site are just a bonus to a great relationship. I feel kind of jealous of other people here that have found this site and these tools and its not too late to make a great marriage. Oh well...<P>You take care Anna and Brandon. <P>And Brandon, Im waiting to hear about Gods grace in your life, and in this situation.<P>Take good care of yourself.<P>Randy <p>[This message has been edited by Randy0220 (edited September 27, 2001).]