Went to counseling today-first time after the 'we are done, no reconciliation, we ARE getting divorced" session. Started just a little tense, I went first, said i had accepted the direction (I have), that we need to beging thinking about how to proceed in dealing with the many legal and financial issues. Very calm for me.<P>She went next-said after last time, she thought we should just put everything on hold, although she said she had not wavered from going forward to D. Then, she said she regretted not having sought help years ago, and regretted blaming some of her personal issues on the R. Big step for her. i told her some of my regrets too. All very calm, not too emotional, no anger or resentment on either side, although she looked teary much of the time (new for her).<P>Ended well, although we are still in same place. Therapist said she was really touched, honored at the way we worked. Said very few couples can be as rational and caslm. She said she still sees a great deal of feeling between us, we have potential to be good friends going forward. She almost made ME cry. She asked us to think about a couple of more sessions to 'make amends' to one another, and to say goodbye. We are going to sleep on it.<P>After session, we talked in parking lot. W has had week off, said her first chance to sit with her feelings, start grieving. I have seen change. Don't think she has changed her mind at all, not sure I want R back at this point.<P>Very strange day. We both felt good and a lso a little down. She is starting to realize some things now.<P>I am inclined to move ahead with the counseling, to help bring us to healthy closure, and maybe to bring us closer together.<P>Any thoughts out there?

Sounds like it went well. It is good that she seems to be coming around. I guess you will both need to see if this is what you really want. Was the purpose of the counseling to help you with the divorce and putting closure. Sounds like it might still be up in the air. Emotions can change in a moment. Have you made your mind up either way? Just want you to know you both are in my prayers.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ANB3:<BR>Then, she said she regretted not having sought help years ago, and regretted blaming some of her personal issues on the R. Big step for her. ... Any thoughts out there?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Stay tuned, friend, this ride is not over. Realizing her personal issues are not "the relationship's fault" (translation: your fault) is a <I>huge</I> step. Were I to hear those words come out of my wife's mouth, I would think we had just taken a step back together.<P>

Thanks guys for the comments. I do feel that I have turned a really big corner, and she pushed me there when she was so certain about divorce. I have really accepted that it probably going to happen, and I can handle it. I have truly detached no, and in some ways i am more ready to move on than she is.<P>I think maybe she is seeing this, and is also reflecting on herself more. The purpose of the session was a little unclear, but in general to move towards closure. I am inclined to keep going on the theory that any counseling is better than none.<P>She is starting to see some of the practical implicatins of her decision (and it is hers). Maybe the fog is lifting just a little. I forsee several changeas of direction inn the future. I will just keep on as I am, which seems to be working because I am not doing it, it is just happening.<P>I guess that's a lot of what this site is about. Think I've gone from fake it to make it.<P>And you know, it does not hurt that there are other women out there who show some interest.<P>Thanks again guys.