For some back ground on this story you can click on <url>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/006133.html</url><P> Next problem...<P>As if you were all concerned that there might NOT be another one... <P>He wants to 'visit' oldest S on Sunday... I said 'NO' and he said he would get a court order. I don't think he can... but, if he can get a court order - what then??? He didn't say he wanted to visit all the kids - just oldest S... <P>There is no custody order or visitation order in place at this point - just the basic divorce pending with me having physical/legal custody through the divorce process. I'm not overly concerned - because I have plans for the weekend, and we'll be leaving Friday night... But, any suggestions??? Just in case - I want to be prepared - not scared...<P>Thanks - again. I'm also posting this over on EN - thought someone over there might have suggestions too...<P>Jan

Jan,<P>There's a lot of info I am unsure of. I have read your story on the gift for oldest son for his birthday. That was unfair.<P>If my stbx wants to visit one child on their birthday. I would have no problem with that, as long as he promises to take the other son out on their birthday also. Sometimes my stbx and I both take turns with taking the children on individual dates. We feel there are times they need to be treated special individually. As long as we give equal time. One week one child, the next week the other child.<P>Although, I seriously doubt he could get a court order by Sunday. Since this is the children's father, and they need a good relationship with both their father and their mother, it is going to take a lot of compromise and effort on both your parts. They don't need anger built up over all this. As hard as it may be you will have to do a lot of compromising and trusting with your stbx. If in the past he hasn't done taken just one child out and this is new to him. Then as long as he agrees to start this as a tradition and take each child out on their birthday, I would just have to trust him and allow it. If you are going to be gone then tell him this date is inconvenient and you'll have to have a different date.<P>Good luck with everything and sorry you are going through so much.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA<P>

Thanks Anna -<P>My H has a history of spending NO time with the children. Even during the seperation he seems to see them as a problem. He doesn't ask about them when he talks to me. He's never asked to visit any of the children. I did suggest that if he wants to start that as a 'tradition' then he may want to start in January and do it all year long, but not start at the end of the year - then forget by the time the next one has a birthday.<P>Long story. I think he's pretty much going over the edge on this issue... he does't want the kids, then he wants just one kid - pretty strange behavior even according to our pastor/counselor.<P>Thanks,<P>Jan

Jan,<P>If he says he'll do it with all the other kids. then compromise and let him start now. They need their father and maybe this will be a break through for him. You need to try at least. Then it's up to him. If he doesn't do it next year with the others then at the end of the year you could tell him "no". Also, he could argue, the older kids birthday really is the first one. Well I hope you decide to do it for the children's sake.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA<BR>

THe son is 7. We have daughters who are 16 and 11. <P>Thanks Anna.<P>Jan