Well here I was trying to figure out how I was going to handle Saturday the big move out day. There were all kind of issues, anyways I don't have to worry about those anymore. She called me a couple of hours ago and said she would be here in a couple of minutes to get her stuff. Most of her stuff is gone now. Only the big things are left. Those will go another day. I really didn't know how I was going to handle it. I think I was really good I helped a little but mostly tried to make the last image of me a really good one and I know I accomplished that. Saying goodbye was so hard. It was just eight months ago that I was looking into her eyes on our wedding day. I know the last image of me was a good one and I can have comfort in the fact that this never got ugly once mainly because of how I acted. It is hard to look at someone that you know probably better than anyone else and see them so confused and messed up inside. I do have comfort in knowing she is about to take a really long road trip by herself to see her family. Her mom is probably the most important person in her life and she looks to her for guidance. Well that's who she is going to see. Her mom and I talk constantly and she is totally believing in me and wants to talk to her about how she doesn't think this is right. Maybe some clarity will come from this trip of hers. I hope so. So there it is the end of a big step. To everyone this is about to happen to I do think being able to say goodbye in a good way is the way to do it. Don't get me wrong I cried uncontrolablely and even vomited (yeah I know you wanted to know that) but I'm happy how it went. <BR>I don't really have a question it just feels good to come here and let this all out. <P>Thank you to everyone here who gives opinions and support it really does help and one day I will try to return the favor.<P>Brandon

(((((((((((((((((((((Brandon))))))))))))))))))))))<P>(((((((((((((((((((((Brandon)))))))))))))))))))))))<P>((((((((((((((((((((Brandon)))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>Be proud of yourself, you did the very best you could.<P>I am proud of you for taking the high road. I did that, and yes I cried, and vomitted (after he left, and every morning for about a month - for a while I felt like I was pregnant!!!)<P>Is there a good friend you can call to come over right now? Someone did that for me and it was so good just to spill it all. Got drunk on two bottles of wine as well, so it was good she was there to keep me safe.<P>Stay strong friend.<P>LOVE AND LIGHT,<P>Jacky

Thank you Anna. No sorry to say there are not any good friends here. We just moved to this area. Man, there's nothing like loneliness when you're out in the mountains. I'm doing okay. I've prepared myself or I thought I had for this day. At least today I got to wrap my arms around her and kiss her on the lips. I think the next few days will be harder for some reason. I guess I should start reading up on how to still do PlanA after she is gone.

Brandon, <P>}{{{{{{{{{{Brandon}}}}}}}}}}{<P>Wild West hug, remember? Okay, first, if you need to talk, please email me at cindy_cj_wolfe@hotmail.com and we can swap numbers--I'll talk as long as you want. Heck, it may not even be long distance!!<P>Second, tonight is going to be an AWFUL night for you. There's no getting around that. Do you have your lotion kleenexes there with you? Did you eat a little soup? Don't expect ANYTHING of yourself tonight--NOTHING. You are going to cry until your eyes are raw. You are going to vomit. It would be easier if I came over there an chain-sawed your heart out of your chest while you were alive! But you will get through it. Go hour by hour for a while if you need to--or 15 minutes by 15 minutes! <P>You did a very good job handling all this--as well as anyone could have--and I have some interesting news for you. Brandon, you guys are basically still newlyweds. She has not grown up yet and figured out how to be a committed, intimate wife (and I don't mean sex--I mean getting close with someone). I think you scared her to death! But Brandon, as hard as this may be to understand, just because she is gone right now does not mean your marriage is over and you have to divorce. My H moved out from Feb. to June, and then when he moved home he wouldn't let me touch him for months. What I'm saying here is grieve...grieve that she is temporarily insane and temporarily gone...but don't necessarily jump to "divorce."<P>Do you remember eight months ago when you said, "I chose you to be my wife...for better, for worse...til death do us part?" Remember that? Okay, this the is "Worse" that you were talking about. Now is the time to separate the REAL men from the boys. Your feet are to the fire, and DAMN the burning will hurt you worse than anything you have ever experienced. But if you really have brass ones, don't give up now. Give her time to go to her mom's and get wise council. Give her time to decide for herself who she is going to listen to: her mom or some stud. <P>Brandon, you have done a GREAT job up until now. Have a little breakdown tonight and this weekend, start to come out of it by watching the Bronco game Sunday afternoon, and then pick up where you left off. Rest, cry, and let us pray for you--and then let God use you in her life to teach her maturity. Okay? <P>}{{{{{{{{{{Brandon}}}}}}}}}}{<P>CJ <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Brandon,<P>There is a quiet solace in the company of the mountains. the are so big and huge and have stood for thousands of years, through millions of storms, and yet there they are, solid as ever.<P>Take some courage from your surroundings, and breathe in the air. Seek quiet moments in nature and just appreciate the fact that you live, and you have gotten past one of the most difficult hurdles you will ever have to face.<P>I have heard that you can get leave of absence from work in such situations...maybe you could consider it and go see your family too.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky<P>PS I have to go now but I will check in later...probably your morning.

Goodguy, I recognize your name and remember your story but I don't remember if you responded to any of my posts. I wanted to tell you that I, for the very little it is worth, am proud of you for the way you handled your wife's moving out. I know how empty your home is now, and I pray you don't see "ghosts" like I did. I, too, handled my wife leaving with a certain grace. There was a tremendous amount of grief, but that was to be expected. I think that under those circumstances, where another person has forced change up on your life that you did not ask for or even deserve, you kept your dignity and took it like a man. In the end, that is all anyone can ask for.<P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.

Cj, Anna, and Nina thank you so much. Cj thanks for the offer to talk I might take you up on that but probably not tonight. I have to say I'm doing better than I thought I would. There is almost a relief in this queezy feeling in my stomach. You know for the past six weeks I have been doing the PlanA thing almost to perfection but God was it hard. It was so frustrating to lay next to her in bed and not to wrap her in my arms. Sometimes she would let me but most of the times she would just push me away. Everytime I saw her I just wanted to smother her in hugs and kisses. You know I was told people do things because thats what they want in return. I guess I wanted more than anything for her to run up to me and throw her arms around me and just kiss me until we fell asleep. Me being so nice and her just getting worse about disrespecting me its probably a good thing she is gone now. I was almost to my breaking point. More than anything I'm glad we left on good terms. She told me she is still my number one fan and for the first time in a very long time she told me she loved me. I let her know that sometimes we have to do what we feel is right. It was driving her crazy to lead two lives. Now she will begin to see the real OM. Since he's been divorced once, wife left him, and the fact that he continued wooing her while he knew she was married I take comfort in the fact that he can not be that great of a guy. Interesting story: Last tuesday the morning after she had spent the night with him in a motel I swear he came in and had breakfast right next to me at the local bagel place. Now granted I only have seen him for a split second I was almost positive that this was him. (you don't forget the face of OM) Trust me it was all I could do not to stand up and pop in the jaw. I decided to sit back and see what I could observe about this guy. Not only did this schmuck flirt with every girl working there he was checking out the butt of every woman who walked by even one pushing a stroller. Now I could have doubts but I asked my wife if s.o.b. was still in town and in her lying voice (she can not lie) she said oh no he's not here then she asked me what was this guy was wearing. When I described him her eyes lit up. IT WAS HIM. no doubt. I never told her what I saw him doing. One I didn't think she would believe me but two if he is as bad as I saw she will see it too soon. I take great comfort knowing she is making an effort to get away by herself for a long time and go talk to her mom and dad. Her mom told me her dad has a few things about vows he wants to say. You're right this is the worse part the preacher is talking about. But I know what both of them want to say and which direction they want to steer her and its back to me. I have great hope in this. Maybe my last hope. <P>Yeah this hurts but at least the torture has stopped. I have a long weekend since I'm not going to my work retreat and I just found out my Mom is coming up to see me next weekend. I'll make it. <P>To all of those believers in God man do I have a story for you that I still can't believe. Maybe I'll get into it later but my faith is as strong as ever and I have the proof to back it up. Take care everyone and your words mean more than you will ever know.<P>Brandon

Brandon,<P>Just came on! Wow, you gave me credit for Nina's post. <BR>Well under the circumstances I'm sure Nina didn't mind.<P><BR>You sound good tonight. I can tell you have a sense of relief that at least there can be some calm after this horrible storm you've been in. Is there anyway possible that you can go on that trip this weekend? Also, you might feel more comfortable to still check into getting those locks changed and her name off the lease. I think it will really make you mad if one day you come home and she's came in during the day to take all the big items. <P>That guy does sound like a jerk. GEEEZ, I never trust men that look at my rear in such an obvious way!!! I feel sorry for her because I think she's in for an incredible heart break. I wouldn't be surprised if some day she walks in on him and another woman. <P>Well goodnight Brandon and take care.<P>Big sis,<BR>ANNA<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goodguy:<BR><B> It was so frustrating to lay next to her in bed and not to wrap her in my arms. Sometimes she would let me but most of the times she would just push me away. Everytime I saw her I just wanted to smother her in hugs and kisses. You know I was told people do things because thats what they want in return. I guess I wanted more than anything for her to run up to me and throw her arms around me and just kiss me until we fell asleep. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Brandon,<P>Man, I know what you mean! That really hurts. I think about it every day. I see W every day - to see the baby - and sometimes it is so hard. W even nurses the baby in front of me. Talk about painful! Yesterday, she had a tag or something sticking out of at her neck and I went to tuck it in for her - and she - well, I'm sure you know the move - squirmed away like a spider was about to fall on her. I hate that. Really, I would give anything to be able to come home to a hug when I wald in the door. Anything!<P>It's going to be tough man. For me, the second night was the hardest. I missed the baby even more than my W. I just lay on the floor and cried - right where the crib was supposed to be.<P>You can email me at abandonedDad@yahoo.com.<P>-AD

Hi Brandon,<P>I think we can all relate to the not being able to touch our WS's. Mine used to give a really p****d off shrug and a small "hngh" noise. <P>AbandonedDad,<P>Your story about the crib really touched me...I hoep my H misses his kids 100 times as much as that, because right now I feel like wanting him to be hurt.<P>Jacky

Hi all,<P>If you're curious I shared something about a pretty amazing experience I had over in the prayer request threads. I'm the kind of person that wouldn't have believed this story had I not lived it. So if you believe in God or need a little more proof of God go over and check it out. Ijust thought I would share it.<P>Brandon

Hi Brandon,<P>That was a great experience for you. I had a similar one, a few months back.<P>How are you tonight?

Hi there,<P>You know I had a really good day. I went and got a haircut did some things that made me happy. But tonight is really quiet around here. There is still a relief that the constant frustrations of seeing her are gone but it is getting really lonely around here. I felt like a jerk. Yesterday she moved out and it was also my mom's birthday. I forgot and didn't call. Of course she understood. She didn't seem to thrilled when I let her know that she shared the same birthday as Eve's dad. Its really hard to talk to my family because to make a long story short my parents went through a nasty divorce. My mom was the BS and I think this brings back all of those feelings and now she puts them onto Eve. She is so spitefull and hatefull towards her. She's urging me to file for divorce and get this over with. She doesn't want to even here that I'm still fighting for this marriage. Her parents on the other hand are completely behind me. God I can't wait till Eve goes and sees her family. I just hold on to a little hope that her family will start to set her straight and lift the fog a little.<P>Kinda rambled there. I'm doing okay but kinda slipping downwards the quieter it gets around here.<P>How are you doing. I would love to hear about your experience.<P>Brandon

Hi Brandon,<P>It must be hard for you in the house alone...I had my three kids to make it easier to keep going on. It didn't ease the pain though.<P>People who urge you to do stuff are trying to help you find a solution they think will take away the pain. And it's okay for them to say get out of the marriage, but it is your life and you have to live with whatever you decide, not them. <P>I think it is important right now for you to NOT make any big decisions. There is a measure of shock in this kind of thing, so you need to get clarity first, and this might take a while. But you are strong, even if you don't feel it right now. And you will make it.<P>I've posted my experience in prayers under your thread there.<P>Love and light, Jacky<p>[This message has been edited by Nina too (edited September 28, 2001).]

hello goodguy, just sending hugs, prayers and positive energy your way. You will need them tonight. <BR>You handled things beautifully, once again.<BR>(((((hugs))))) <p>[This message has been edited by cl (edited September 29, 2001).]