My husband cheated on me and also told me he uses pot and likes it and has done it for 4 years. Yes I caught him a couple times but he said you always catch me the one time I do it. I didn't believe him but what else could I do. Being Catholic and knowing divorce isn't an answer and having 2 kids that need 2 parents and at the time I didn't make alot of money. (The reason I went back to school to work with computers) So I do alright now but will still need a raise if he leaves. Last night he said I think I do want a divorce. I said well bring me the papers and I will sign them until them I am going to continue to work on what is left of the marriage. See his parents are divorced and mine have been married for 34 years. Different values big time!!<BR>IF I would of had a brain when I picked him to marry I would of picked someone who grew up with 2 parents that had morals and made the kids go to church. Stupid 21 year old I was then. I am 28 now and feel like I am married to an idiot. He has a good job (union) and oh he still works with the girl (who is married with a child) who he cheated with. He is going to counseling that I am suppose to go with when he invites me but hasn't yet.<P>What should I do? I want to stay together but I would also like to see him go. Our boys are a handful and he does help alot with them. We have been married for over 6 years now.<P>Please any opinion would be nice!!<P>

If he is in counseling that is a big plus, And I think you are doing the right thing working on the marriage while you still have it, keep working on it and see where he wants to go, perhaps counseling for yourself and read the stuff on this website, best of luck to you and take care of yourself<P>

WOW, your lives seem to have really gone in different directions. <P>Slow down, step back from the situation and figure out what you really want. Then factor in "reality" and is what you want achievable? If it is, then go for it. If it's not, then you have to figure out what you're emotionally willing to settle for.<P>I'm the first one in line to "SAVE" any marriage but you also have little ones to think about. <P>As far as the religeous aspect, I typically prefer not to delve into that because for every place the bible says something about "no divorce" it goes on to give reasons for "divorce".<P>Hugs, THoughts, & Prayers<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

I have bought 3 books from this site and about finish 2 of them and have read this site and am going to church but still feel like my husband is a lost cause.<P>I went to one counselor who endup being gay. Which turned me off to counseling but if I get feeling down enough I would go. I just don't think they would say anything that could make me feel much different. I know I have my **** together and he doesn't. I am working on phrasing things different and am working on his needs, at least the one he shared with me. For me to look better. Well he told me this after I went down 2 pant sizes in 6 weeks. NO Lie! I never thought I would fit into the pants that I wore when I met him but I am. I think the adrenaline makes me loose weight and that food nearly makes me nautious half the time.<P>Love,<BR>Me <P>

It's called the divorce diet. For me it was from 207 to 157 in six weeks, that was from a 36" waiste to a 28", the size I was when I got married...<P>Anyway, take things slow remembering that you can only control/change yourself. Try postponing any relationship talks for a while. In the mean time work on finding happiness within yourself and your #1 priority is protecting/loving your boyz.

Thanks for the advice about backing off. I told him I was doing that but he keeps bringing divorce and uncertancies up. <P>Well I am going to have a little fun and go Dancing with a friend (female) <P>Thanks and write me again if you want. liljentech@yahoo.com <BR>

Have a good weekend. I'm usually only around 8-5 M-F. But you can e-mail me at home: mrwwbristow@aol.com<P>It my take me a while to get back, but I will.<P>Hang tough and I'll leave you with something that I did. One night I took a long walk and listed every problem that I had. I then looked at the list and decided which problems I could actually solve by myself, which turned out to be very few of them. Then I took all of the other problems and gave them to the Man upstairs. Sounds silly but it worked.<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers from Kansas<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-