Trying to reconcile my marriage, and look what message he left for me last night...<P>"Umm...I already sent you child care check today and also the divorce paper hopefully done soon. You have suffered my life for 2 years and I don't think you should consider that the more you force people to do it to see or to react, it going to go away. It is going to go farther away from you. I think you shouldn't force anybody to either love or care for someone if they don't want to, let them do it. What I'm trying to say is the more your try to more you never going to get it. Just let it happen the way it is. Doesn't matter relationship between you and me, or me and baby, you can't force people to care, to love if they don't choose not to. So stop trying and let it be. Talk to you later.<P>Don't think you should worry about me. I'm doing OK. I am studying hard, trying to finish school and do whatever I can to survive on my own. I'm sorry it got to be this way. Hope you take care the baby for me and I missed her too and always love her too ... in my heart ... and just hope someday me and baby get together with peace and without any problem. Talk to you later. Bye"<P>Let me give you a little background about myself. I admit I made a mistake and was involved in a one night stand affair. H wasn't able to forgive me even when I was pregnant. He moved out when I was 3 mos preg. and forced me into abortion but I refused and said the baby wasn't his. During my pregnancy and til now, he still verbally and emotionally abuses me. Of course, DNA proves that it was his!<P>We're in the divorce process right now and he already started dating/seeing someone else.<P>Do you think I should just give up hoping to reconcile?

What choice do you have? Not to sound negative or anything but it seems as if that decision has already been made. Provided your H doesn't change his mind, which it doesn't sound like he's going to.<P>Best o f luck to you.<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

whether you give up or not is only a decision you can make. you can learn a lot of stuff in this web site. maybe it can help you to help him to trust you again and vice versa. <P>in 1999, i was seperated from my now stbxh and i started seeing someone. even though we were not together and even though he moved back in and i busted him at the ow's house he still threw it in my face for over a year. he says he is over it now, but only time will tell if that is the truth. one good blow up and all his being over it could be over... ya know??? we reconciled only for about a year because of it. i thought we could overcome it if he would just accept that we were both out of line and move on. but for some reason some men are a lot less forgiving than most women. <P>i know this is really no suggestion, but i don't want to give you any false encouragement nor do i want to discourage you. there are many people here in this site that will help you and you will get stronger and grow if you stick around and don't forget prayer really does change things. it may be hard to pray. but even if you don't feel it, obedience is better than sacrafice. so pray and trust God.<P>and girl...<P>as for that jewerly you want to return. don't do it. i really can't remember what all i said, but i addressed you on robc's thread. giving it back will not make you feel any better...<P>Stay up...<P>kim...

Thanks. Bill and Kim.<P>I know what I should do now. Just because of his message, I shouldn't be hurt or feel rejected. If he choose this path, and do not want to be part of his daughter life, then it's fine with me. As for me, to continue to have hope on the relationship, Bill, you're right! I need to move ...<P>About the jewelry, I still have doubt in my mind. I just don't feel right to keep his thingy when he doesn't love, care, or want to be part of me. I understand I can always sell it, but I feel if I give it back to him, I have no attachment whatsoever with him. I'm done and thru... If I sell it, he probably think I still have it. <P>~Daphie

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Daphie:<BR><B>About the jewelry, I still have doubt in my mind. I just don't feel right to keep his thingy when he doesn't love, care, or want to be part of me. I understand I can always sell it, but I feel if I give it back to him, I have no attachment whatsoever with him. I'm done and thru... If I sell it, he probably think I still have it. <BR>~Daphie</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>who cares what he thinks? especially if you are moving on! <P>okay, that was the crazy chick in me talking. now for the more sensitive side. <P>one thing is for sure you are hurting and that is very real. human nature will always make you want to hurt that person back that is causing you so much pain. but that is not going to make it any better for you. and realize that today you may feel so rejected that you beleive that you want to throw in the towel, but tomorrow you may feel differently. something could happen that will cause you to change your mind. he might give an ounce of encouragment, and then you will have regret and have to try to fix one more problem. they call that behavior lovebusters here in marriage builders. <P>all i am saying is don't let your emotions make your decisions. becuase you will never be right depending on your emotions.<P>take a look at your self. see what you need to do for you and your life. you know, to make it better. and then do that. has anyone suggested plan a to you yet???

You're right! I'm hurt from the message but I don't think there's much choice for me anymore. I have tried so hard to save my marriage and didn't want to get divorce. As you can see in his message, he said I'm trying too hard. What am I suppose to do? Just sit back and do nothing about it...I'm the only one whose tried and tried to put the marriage back, but he has no desired in working out the marriage. I feel he was just waiting for opportunity to get away from the marriage. Then when I did what I did, that was it! So he can blame me for it and he's off the relationship!<P>I wrote him back an email today telling him that I'm not going to interfere with him or his relationship anymore. I'm pretty much stepping back picking up my white flag. I'm tired, stressed, confused, and doesn't want to be rejected anymore. <P>I'm pretty sure a lots of you out here wants to work it out with your WS. You're willing to talk and work it out for better or for worse. As for me, it's a total opposite. I'm the WS and I'm trying so hard to get back my relationship but it looks like it beyond recover. In fact, he's saying I'm trying too hard!<P>I understand he's hurt as well but he can not just run away from the issued and hoping that it'll go away by itself. It's like he hadn't finished a chapter yet, and he's on with another chapter already. I don't understand that...<P>Kim-I read a little bit about Plan A but in order for me to do this, I need his cooperation. If he choose not to do it, what are my choice?! Not much...:-(<P>~Daph