Guys,<BR>Just got in to my new place. Have the kids, should be a great weekend. Wife came by, but didnt want to come in. Said she didnt want to. Also, gave back the purple frog. I am going to cut her off from anymore help financially, limited contact, and the kids are filthy. I think that I am starting to really feel some relief. I am just thinking about how nice, friendly, loving, helpful she was prior to leaving. Now she is cold when we see each other. On the phone she is nice, friendly laughing. She was this way before she came over. She answered the phone in a way we always used to do. When she got here, she handed me the purple frog, and she wouldnt come in. It is like she cant even face me. I think I am just going to move on somewhat. The money and big favors are going to stop. No one deserves to be treated like the plague.<P>I really believe she has decided to see the OM. Oh well, I will be just fine.<P>Thanks for listening to the vent

Just what I thought I was going to do today but I haven't got the courage to put in the mail.<P>I was going to give him back all the jewelries he gave me and told him that I don't deserve it. I feel, if he no longer loves, wants, or cared about me, why should I keep the jewelries he gave me. It has no meaning. I'm just going to sent back to him via US Mail. I'm not going to give to him in person.<P>~Daphie

(((((((((((((((robc)))))))))))))))<P>rob, <BR>when i saw your topic i almost hypervintalated. it hurt me, but it can't compare to the way it must have hurt you. i am so sorry. <P>but allow me to share openly and hopefully i don't offend you. mike is so much better at this than i am. please don't feel scolded, judged, critisized or belittled because that is not my intension.<P>even though they hurt us with their thoughtless behavior and their stupid little games we should not go down to their level and act like them. i can agree with the limited contact and the extra's you give her slowing down, but don't be mean spirited. i know that you are not a mean spirited person and I emplore you to not let anyone, nobody, cause you to have a hardend and bitter heart. i do believe that prayer and belief in your prayers being answered works everytime. along with prayer goes godly behavior.<P>i already know how hard that is at times because i can forget my godly person in a heartbeat , but that doesn't mean that we should let that person take over. <P>i believe that your w must really be ashamed of herself and that is probably why she returned the gift. i once told dabigtrain that when you give something it would probably be better to give it without any expectations and then whatever happens, you won't be disappointed. i know how much it hurts to get your attempts at reaching out and showing love rejected. it is horrible. but be strong and stay the sincere, caring man that you are. don't let no booger take your qualities and turn them sour.<P>enjoy your new place and love the kids. i don't remember if you have girls or not, but if you do they need to see in their dad the kind of man they want in their life when they are older and if you have boys they need to take examples from dad of how to be a quality man, which you definately are...<P>god bless,<P>kim...

daphie,<P>i hope you read this reply... never return jewelry. if you don't want it sell it. but don't return it. it won't make you fell any better. and you may even wish you had it back afterward. then you have to struggle with whether or not to ask for it back... <P>sounds like i been ther huh???

Daphie/Stylin,<BR>Thanks for the support. I hurt a little bit, but I guess what really hurts is understanding where does all of that ugliness come from. I suppose I should know as I dished it out alot. I dont know, dont care right now. I am really going to focus on myself and getting well mentally, physically, and spiritually. Especially the spiritual side. God is good, all the time. I find when I pray and read, God is so gracious to us pathetic people. That peace comes over me and I know I will be okay. My wife was once like that - its like she just turned it off. I am a firm believer in reaping what you sow. I am now reaping my sowing of finacial catastophes, binge drinking, etc ad nauseum. Unfortunately until two people step up (together or not) and end it, it will just propagate. I am reaping, my wife is sowing, and she will be reaping soon enough. It is just a terrible shame that she cant make the connection between me and the consequeces. Does she think that she will get a free pass? I will continue to do the little things finacially and when I am around her. I WILL not change into some monster. I like me and the direction I am heading with God. I will seek him first, then everythingf else will come just as it should.<P>Thanks Stylin for getting me back on track. I realized that right now, I am really happy for the most part. It is difficult, but I will survive. I must do what I can do and leave the rest in Gods hands.<P>Thanks again<P>PS. Sounds like the date didnt turn out to bad. I with the others. Treating it like a new relationship is the ticket (I always hated that line). Good luck, I will be praying for you and your husband

Rob,<P>Off to dinner and a movie with a girlfriend but really quick. I'm sorry she did this. I think it's odd to talk to you on the phone so nice and then come up and be so cold. Maybe she's just weird or was there anything you could think of in the conversation that may have compelled her to be cold again.<P>If there wasn't anything in the conversation then my next question is this. Do you think it's time for plan b?<P>See ya,<P>ANNA<BR>

I KNEW IT!!!! you are going to make it! sometimes we all need a little push back on track. it will be my turn soon. so watch out. i may need you to remind me. <P>the date was nice, i was just different. i am beginning to realize that i won't die if he's not here. i am sure i will love him for a long time to come, but i "can" live without him and i "will" survive, because with God i can do anything but fail, because God can do anything but fail!<P>my prayers are with you and your family too. always remember rob that "GOD CAN DO ANYTHING BUT FAIL"<P>Bless you<BR>kim...

Hi Rob,<P>I'm sorry she returned the gift. I thought she might, because my H wouldn't accept things in the first place, because it makes WS's feel awkward to have our kindnesses in their face.<P>I was thinking about the FIL thing. There are two possibilities as to what's going on there...she is not taking responsibility for her decisions, so she uses "daddy says..." to tell you stuff...the other is he genuinely has a hold on her, she knows he makes you feel threatened, and wants you to know his part in things to keep you off balance.<P>Well, if stay with Plan A, you still need to meet her emotional needs to make an impression. Okay, now getting gifts from you is NOT one of her needs. What are her needs? Write a list as big as you can to try and work this out. You should be able to make a good guess at this...she's your wife. Also list things you have done since this started that she obviously liked/didn't like. Now if you feel comfortable doing this, post the list here and maybe we can help you with some ideas on how to meet these needs.<P>Then you work at those things. I would suggest she enjoys speaking with you on the phone...lucky you...so a pleasant conversation a couple of times a week may be good.<P>What do you mean the kids were filthy? Did you comment or show displeasure in this? Did she just come from somewhere that they would have gotten dirty?<P>This is a game, Rob, as Mike told me over and over. You keep having to change your strategy to fit the new rules, but it is a game. Play well.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky