I was forced to Miss my daughters 15th Birthday. Because my wife has my daughter in Colorado. Her birthday was 9-21-01 and i never missed a birthday before. See i bought a house out in CA for our family but my wife came lived here for a week and left back to CO with my daughter. I have the 10-year-old living with me here because she wishes that. I am so powerless and i wish i could move but what great timing the real estate market sucks, the economy sucks. I have called friends in Co and they say stay there is no work out here now. The tach industry has dried up. So i am stuck, i am a prisoner and i only stay because my daughter in CO may choose to live here some day when she gets tired of living and my wife’s friends house. And i get so sad. Just wait until Christmas. I will be a basket case.<BR>

Hi there and welcome to MB. Sorry you are here...but you have come to a good place.<P>I am sorry you had to miss your daughter's birthday. My H just missed our youngest child's fourth, so I expect he felt the same as you, because I moved away (long story - he actually moved out first.)<P>I am assuming there was a serious problem in your marriage that she felt she had to leave? If you can share more of your story, you will receive more valuable help/<P>Keep posting, there's lots of great people here to help.<P>Nina

I did not know how deep of a depression i would go<BR>into when i came home from work one day to find<BR>a few cards that said i love you. one form my x to<BR>be wife and one from my kids. four days before fathers<BR>day and a week in a half before my 45 birthday. getting<BR>fathers day cards from your family when you have just<BR>been abandoned is kind of ironic i thought but she did<BR>leave max the great dane i guess he did not fit into the<BR>truck with my 2 children and all the stuff she took she rented the largest u-haul you can rent towing her jeep cherokee i bought her behind it and drove 1200 miles away. i did not work for the next two days and spent fathers day cleaning grout in the tile floor and drinking irish coffee (on the strong side). see i was afraid if i just did nothing i might go looking for my 45 and it did cross my mind for a moment and i did not want to continue that thought. so i just sat there cleaning grout see i have a lot of grout over half the house, grout everywhere<BR>so i could sit there for a very long time.<P>So the day before my birthday i told my boss i am going to see what i can do sorry, i have known him a long time so i went. i went 1200 miles without sleep without stopping, except for coffee and gas i saw my world in the sky as i drove through the deserts and mountains and only the hum <BR>f the tires (mud tires on a truck) did not play the radio or air. but i did have max remember my dog (my best friend).<P>So i got there, called my wife at 6:00 am she said you can take the kids out but i am going to the drag races. boy did i feel so good knowing a women i took care of for 18 years would treat me like this. so i took the kids to a small town that has a 100 year old arcade and we talked and played until i ran out of quarters $100 worth. we went to lunch and we talked i asked so who would wish to come home with dad and both kids said yes but can we bring mom, i said i would try.<P>That night my birthday my wife meet me for dinner boy was that great she said she hated me and we left.<P>The next day i meet her for coffee, i left early bought some<BR>roses and a card. i spent 1 hour on this card telling her how much i was sorry and how much i loved her (it did not work). i did not know what to be sorry <BR>for but it must be something so i was sorry for everything i even made some stuff up. me and her then took the kids to the park and had walked around a lake. we said what ever the kids decide, they can go with you or stay with me. my oldest wanted to go but will not leave mom the younger could not wait to leave. that was 12 weeks ago and now we are getting a divorce 1200 miles away from each other.<P>There is more.

Well, yes there is more. There HAS to be! What happened to start all this. Do you know? Was there anything that made her want to leave?

I do not know i was away from home for 2 1/2 months working and looking for a house out here. I did not go home at all i call every day to save money. She told me she found she was happy at that time without me around. She was on unemployment and i was putting money in the bank to pay the bills. I took a week of work before they got here to paint the inside of the house 7 rooms in 7 days that is ceilings also. When she got here i was to me a women i did not know she never said thanks for the house or the new stove or for painting it and stripping all the wallpaper. She did not help much to unpack boxes. She did not want to go to bed with me after 2 1/2 months she would yell at anything. I know she found a new girl friend one that was divorced i do not know if she was brain washed or something i do not know if there is OM she was seeing or not. I do not know if it was a mid life crisis or hormone problems. She has always had a bad temper and thinks i emotionally abandoned her. I just do not know she has told me she does not blame me we just grew apart. But is this a reason to act like she did.

Hmmm,<P>I'd go for the affair...sorry but a lot of us here have had the same words said to us, and down the line you find out about someone else. You are in a tough spot, being so far away...so am I incidentally. Doing Plan A is very hard when there is distance involved.<P>Here's what you need to do to get you started. Write a list of things she likes and things she doesn't like, and has shown displeasure with since she left? What things can you do from a distance that are safe to do ie: won't annoy/anger her? Find out these things and do them.<P>Now, you also have to look after you, too. Make sure you eat, even if it is soup, get rest, see a doctor as you may need antidepressants, and do things you like to do, hobbies etc. These things, apart from the grouting will help you physically and you will be able to think a little clearer.<P>I don't know her age, but women do go through mid-life crises, too. I think that's what's up with my H BTW. <P>The thing for us BS's is until we get some of the truth from the WS, we are so, so confused and it can drive us crazy. That's why there are places like this. We are here for you. The weekends are always slower, but you will hear from more than me if you keep posting.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

june 2000 i was in the hospital for a month i had pleracy i had major surgery and almost died in the hospital. i was in so much pain i did not sleep for the hole month. after i was out of the hospital i was forced to stay home for 2 more weeks to recover. i returned to work and only could work half days for 2 more weeks i am a mis/design engineer two bird with one stone computer networks half the time designing machines and products the other half. 6 months later i was layed off, 1 month later i was working 1200 miles away i was here for 2 1/2 months selling one house buying another a $200,000 dollar one, i did all the paper work and hired the moving company. 2 weeks later i was abandoned by my wife she is 39 years-old and she took what she wanted and the kids and left while i was at work that was 6-13-01. so i got one of my children back and now in this situation. i have had my share of **** thrown in my face for the last 15 months i never get to heal form one wound then i recieve another one. that is why i have a real hard time about this. thanks

Wow, you have been through so much.<P>((((((((((((ronnb))))))))))))))))<P>In case you don't know, that is a cyber hug.<P>It sounds like you and your wife had a really stressful time for a while there, so did my H and I.<P>This can bring about the midlife crisis thing.<P>Here is something you might like to look at:<BR> <A HREF="http://66.111.66.234/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=34" TARGET=_blank>http://66.111.66.234/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=34</A> <P>Jacky<p>[This message has been edited by Nina too (edited September 29, 2001).]