Hi everyone,<P>Well I was wondering if anyone here has had family saying that you are doing the wrong thing by trying to save your marriage. My parents went through a nasty divorce that drug out for six or seven years. Both of them tell me to get out now. It will never work. Blah Blah Blah. My mom is so bitter towards WS. She even asked what race was OM. WS sister is married to a man of a different race. My response was Oh that's real christian of you. It just sickens me someone who goes to church all the time and can be so racist. I even asked my mom not to tell anyone. She lives in a small town where everyone is friends with everyone so I didn't want our mutual friends to find out from the rumor mill. Well I get emails from all of her friends wishing me well and things. My mom didn't even say she was sorry for telling them. Man I laid into her like I've never done. <P>Just wondering if anyone else had these problems and what you did about them.

Goodguy,<P>I think my Mom would be that way if she knew about our problems and wasn't so sick herself. There is just a strong "mama-bear" thing that triggers when a woman thinks her "cub" is being threatened by anybody or anything. I don't know what to say other than just to face her down every time she come at you with that stuff - while still treating her as nicely as possible otherwise. You can't change your Mom any more than you can change your W - even less chance of it, I think.<P>Just tell her that you are trying to save your marriage. You are not asking for her opinion - but her support. If she works that goal, she is working against you and you will resent it. When she starts into that stuff, change the subject or leave. Most Moms will take the hint. They won't like it, but they usually will respond. I had to do that kind of thing a little with my Mom over the years and she learned that I was not susceptible to her control - that I had to make my own choices in life. She's a great Mom. It just goes with the territory.<P><BR>-AD

My mom told me before she died I needed to get divorced..that was six years ago now, even told me<BR>to use the money she was leaving me to help pay for it<BR>..I didn't listen then but think now that I should have..others in my family have agreed w/ my mom..but they don't push it they say they will support me whatever I decide..since I am the one who has to live w/ it one way or another..<P>You can choose not to share things w/ your mom about whats going on..and don't judge her to harshly about her feelings <BR>she as your mom knows you hurting and doesn't like to see her son hurt..

GG<BR>I am in the same boat, just opposite side. My wifes folks want her to leave me, always have. Never much participated in our marriage other than giving money. Dont get me wrong, they were against it from the beginning, but let my wife do her thing. Anyway, my wife lives with them, they are set against any reconciliation and have told her should she want to work on the marriage, she needs to leave their house immediately. Her father even came out right and told me on the phone, he hopes she moves on with someone else. He also took it upon himself to sit my kids down and "tell them the truth". Did not get permission from me or my wife. I understand that this is his daughter, but he has always been controlling and always will be. Her sister sees them about 2 times a year. Her brother in law told me he had it out with the FIL and told him to butt of their marriage and business. My wife loves her father, as she should, but he has always meddled. I understand where she is now though. I was not very reliable over much of the marriage so I understand her reluctance and her reliance in her dad. However, ultimately, it must be your decision. YOur mom will love you and support you. Unfortunately for my wife, she will probably be disowned if she works things out with me. That is the kind of father he is. It is a shame. I suspect I will lose this time, but I wont go down without a fight. I love her and she is worth fighting for no matter what it costs me. Make sure you do what YOU want to do. No matter what.

((((((((((((((Brandon)))))))))))))<P>No advice, yet, just wanted to give you a hug.<P>Haven't got much time right now.<P>Jacky