Just wondering. Haven't heard from you for a while- how's life in the duplex?

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll....<P>It depends...<P>For the kids, it's great! They are up and down and through the house... they like the fact that they have two bedrooms. They're still not sure why Daddy is sleeping upstairs and Mommy downstairs. We haven't told them anything yet... though I've asked my H if we could do this soon so they wouldn't blame themselves... The youngest one asked me if Daddy loves me (the Mom) and I told him "Daddy loves you darlin'" and he said again, "Yeah, but does he love you?" I told him I don't know that he should ask Daddy. It was sad but true... I'm not even sure if it's "I love you just not in love with you"<P>So, for me... well, it's <B>very</B> hard emotionally. But, I'm starting to get settled - domestic support and orderliness are HIGH on my emotional needs... so now that the boxes are reduced and I've got many things put away (still not everything) I'm a little more settled. <P>I do need to find a marriage counselor though... I find I drain my friends and acquaintences with my *issues* if I don't have regular support. I've found a GREAT church - solid biblical teaching and I've joined the women's bible study there on Wed. mornings... so that's good. I'm finding that I no longer *need* to tell my story in the hopes someone can help me... I'm trusting God to lead me to the right people or to lead the right people to me. So, it's a one day at a time process.<P>I've been having some crazy wild dreams though lately about dating other people though... one guy was the Home Depot guy and the next night after I dreamt this, I saw him again at a car dealership! It was weird and I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even really look at him.<P>Anyway, thanks for asking... I still check in once a day or every two days... I'm just flat out with the kids schedules - remember, I've got 3 boys ages 4, 5, & 7 all in school and they used to be on three different schedules... I've now got them all going to school at the SAME TIME in the morning and picking up the little and middle child at the same time! SO, now I'll have some sanity and peace in the morning...<P>But, I'm off to Eastern Europe next week to do some work... so my traveling might start up again.<P>My H, well, he says he's doing great! He does seem like he's getting back to the same ole guy I knew before all this crisis took place (Aug 2000)... BUT, he's still firm and hasn't wavered in his decision that the marriage is over.<P>I'm trying to work out how to let him be responsible for things... I grocery shop for both of us, so when I get one milk, I buy two, eggs? 2 dozen, bread? 2 loaves... you get the picture. I feel like I'm still jumping through hoops to prove to him that I'm a worthy wife... I hate this part. But, I'm just trying to serve him I guess. As my friend said, he's got it good, chief babysitter, bottle washer and cook... yup, that's me and lately with the house renovations, I've turned into Mrs. Bob Vila!<P>Anyway, what a long answer! So, in a nutshell, it's going okay as long as I keep the KID'S best interests and my H's best interests in the front... it's okay for me for now to sacrifice my personal needs for the time being... but I musn't make this martyr trip (real or perceived, I don't know) a habit as I'll end up hating myself! <P>Cheers!<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Well, I'd say the score is:<P>Kids confused - minus 1<BR>Boxes getting unpacked - plus 1<BR>Don't have MC yet - minus 1<BR>Found a GREAT church - plus 1<BR>No longer *need* to tell story - plus 1<BR>Having dreams - hmmm... hard to say if that's a plus or a minus. I fortunately don't remember many of my dreams, because if I did, I'd probably be even more <I>(ahem)</I> frustrated.<BR>Kids all on same school schedule - plus 1<BR>Travelling to Eastern Europe - plus 1 (maybe it's a hassle to you, but it sounds pretty cool to me)<BR>H still firm on marriage being over - minus 1<BR>Jumping through hoops - minus 1<BR>Mrs. Bob Vila - plus 1 (that helps you too, you know, not just him)<P>So, I've got you at a "plus 2" - not too bad, I think. Take care of yourself; you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Well at least the church and bible study froup are two things for you, and you alone, so that's good. Don't forget to look after yourself, Nicole! You are important too, you know.<P>I sent that letter ages ago, and since i don't save my emails, I don't have a copy...urgh!!! That is the second time I have tried to write that story for you!!! The first time I think my pc died in the middle, and I lost the lot.<P>I did also send it to CJ, so I will try to see if she got it and has a copy.<P>Speaking of Cj, where is she these days?<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

AWESOME way to look at things! I love the scorecard mentality... I mean I teach on the balanced scorecard in organizations so you'd think this would appeal to me! THANKS!<P>I mean it.<P>Cheers!<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Dreams?<P>Hmmm....<P>Last night i dreamed that H and I were kissing passionately, but I pulled away. He couldn't understand it, such a look of hurt on his face...probably some deep and meaningful message there for me...<P>A few nights ago I had a HORRIBLE dream...Anna laughed out loud when she read this: My son killed OW with a whipper snipper UGH! Blood everywhere. Maybe that one means I hope my kids will eventually be the reason my H dumps OW.<P>Subconscious is a really interesting subject.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

I know those dreams... I wish there were a science that could really study them... especially recurring dreams. I can relate to the one about kissing your H... only mine doesn't have an OW... your strength amazes me.<P>Warmly,<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Believe me, if it wasn't for the friends I have made here at MB, I would be a screaming mess.<P>I hate the thought of him and OW making a happy little life for themselves all the way across the oceam. It hit me today, they have had a relationship now for three months, and not that I vere ask anything about it, but I can jsut imagine what the manipulative little b**** is telling him...it gets to me Nicole, don't think it doesn't. I just go around in circles most of the time.<P>BUT we have to go on for the sake of the kids, and that is my strength if anything.<P>Your kids are similar ages to mine!<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Jacky and Nicole,<P>sorry to interrupt your "Girl Chat". I just wanted to thank you both for some of your postings.<P>I would assume you are both Christian believers? Funny how many of us are working through serious marriage issues.<P>In any case, I don't want to interrupt or take your postings off topic. However, I do appreciate any women's perspectives as my downfall has been my blindness to my wife's needs as a woman.<P>Jacky, I know you have replied to my post but if you could suggest what principles specifically to apply, I would appreciate it from a woman's perspective. I have a lot of guys suggesting things which is helpful. But my wife is totally frosted over and I am affraid that attempts to get to her heart will only chase her further in.<P>Thanks, and once again, sorry for interrupting.<P>Stefano