Hi everyone-<P>Well I went our Sat. night and had fun. There were even a few attentive males and I have to admit it was flattering, even if I'm not interested right now. <P>The WH brought the kids back and I survived. I had the house cleaned and I looked great, but casual. The kids were excited to be home and I gushed over them asking if they had a good time. They said yes, but were quiet. The WH commented that I must have spent the weekend cleaning, that the house looked great. I said thanks, but although I did clean somewhat, the weekend had been more about having fun. We didn't talk very much. He was really quiet. I think he wanted to get out of there because of guilt. In my dreams I would have loved for the weekend to be a flop for them, but it wasn't. <P>My oldest said the OW was nice but quiet. As one friend said, "This is the honeymoon. Nobody knows anybody so everyone's on their best behavior, give them a few outings!" It's just so hard. It's one thing to lose your spouse to another person, but to watch your kids do stuff with them is horrible. Furthermore, I can't get out of my head why a 21 year old would want a man who is 11 years older, chubby, balding, and a father of 4. It makes no sense. Is she that insecure? What about her future? With her being so young I often wonder if she can even grasp the destruction she is willingly taking part in.<P>I guess only time will tell. I'll keep up with Plan A and see how it goes.<P>K

Well, if she was quiet, she doesn't sound like she was enjoying herself, does it? They didn't come home and say how GREAT she was, did they???<P>I think she was probably thinking OMG what am I getting into here?<P>21? She will back off, be sure of it!!!<P>And your H? He was quiet too? Doesn't that usually mean they're down about something? Possibly how things went on the weekend? Shame on him for taking them to her...what the hell is he thinking??? Stupid men!!!<BR>

Thanks Nina -<P>I can always count on you to bring my spirits up. I much prefer your optimistic take on him being quiet to my paranoid view. As for the OG I assume she was a bit overwhelmed. The kids sounded like they were pretty goo, but they are kids. My oldest said the OG played with them and was nice, but that Daddy did most of the talking. <P>I guess when it comes down to it, they're my kids and nobody can take the bond that they create between their father and I away from us. Not even a nice, sweet, quiet 21 year old. That alone should be intimidating to her. She may have him for the moment, but I've got his family.<P>Thanks again for lifting me up. I hope you're doing well.<P>K

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by still reeling:<BR>Furthermore, I can't get out of my head why a 21 year old would want a man who is 11 years older, chubby, balding, and a father of 4. It makes no sense. Is she that insecure? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Of course I don't know for sure- but I'd wager her own father abandoned her at an early age.<P>

Train-<P>Actually she comes from a nice family. Although I don't know much about them I do know they are really upset about all of this. They originally threatened to cut off financial support of her,etc. but when she called their bluff they backed off. Now I think they're just lying low hoping she'll come to her senses.<P>What I do know about her is that she is quite homely and used to be very shy. I know she hasn't had a lot of experience with men in general. My it's just the fact of finally getting attention. Who knows!<P>K

K<BR>I have so many things going through my head right now concerning your weekend.<BR>First of all, you had a good time and had some attention. I believe that in all this mess the BS feels rejected and the self-esteme suffers greatly. You needed someone to validate you right now so I'm glad for that.<P>Second, I've read so many responses from the real experts on MB who say that this is not so much about OW/OG as it is about the marriage. So, I'm going to venture out and say that, though I do hope with all my heart (knowing my own situation) that OG does see the light and move on, I believe it is more important that your husband leave OG. I believe it is more important now than ever for him to have experiences where "being HOME feels good and safe".<BR> I think that his being quiet is a hard one to read. He may have been wandering what you were doing. "Who did you clean the house for?" "Why were you so bubbly and lookin good"<BR>He does't sound confident enought (reading into some things you have said about him in other posts) in himself to think that all this was for him. <BR> He needs to feel good at HOME and how you treat him to renew his interest in the mystery you creat around yourself.<BR> Who knows what they are thinking, THEY the WS don't know what they're thinking. But my money is on "it may now be what you think". <P>I know this detachment thing is hard, it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I'm dealing with a child NOT a husband! You are donig great. As the week progresses you will find out more about the weekend. In the meantime, creat one some feel-good memories for him. NOT SEX! not yet.<BR>Got to keep that mystery thing going!<P>You are doing great! Please keep writing.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Marry

Hi Marry-<P>Thanks for responding. I don't know what to think about my husband. You are right, he is very insecure. Right now I think the biggest needs the OG is filling are that she accepts him unconditionally (for now) and due to her distance she enables his bad habits. He has nobody to be held accountable to. <P>I am trying to boost his confidence and plan A, but it isn't always easy. I am detaching, but trying to meet his needs - no sex, I'm not ready for that and it just confuses things. I'm sure more will unfold as the week progresses and I'll keep you posted.<P>K