I need some advice. i don't know what to do. My husband refuses to resolve any conflicts in our marriage, we go to bed angry and hurt the next day he just says drop it and pretends like nothing is wrong. I on the other hand can't live like that. its like he has such a hard time being open with me, thinks I am trying to attack him and can never talk about his feelings or anything that is bothering him. He went on for two months at one point thinking I was having an affair - which I was not- and could not even tell me. Its like a big pile of hurt piled under a rug getting so big that you can't even see the rug anymore. Anytime I try to talk to him and tell him a problem or tell him that him imitating me or calling me names really hurts he gets angry and starts yelling at me, he has a really hard time saying sorry and when he does he says sorry and walks away being very distant for a whole night without even trying to hug me or give me any affection. I now see it developing in his relationship with his daughter which really bothers me, and I find she is starting to withdraw and be very hard to talk to because of it (she is nine) especially when it is a conflict between her and her dad. She is so afraid of talking to him about her feelings because he is so distant and doesn't want to discuss anything - even when it was he who hurt her feelings - he just wants to drop it and pretend nothing happened. Please if anybody has any idea on what to do with this type of person let me know.

Fedup,<BR>Geez lueez you must be married to my H's twin brother....except mine has gotten sooooo much better. I have to ask you somthing first...Being that your Daughter is 9.. Is it safe to assume you've been married for 9+ years? Has he just sprung into this behaviour or has it been prevelent throughout your marriage. I've only been married 2.5 years and I have just now seen him respond to me in a positive and communicative way. Yep he slips from time to time...but he is making a big effort. <BR>I think it boils down to control with men like this. HOw are you expressing yourself. Our wording is crucial. Men will feel attacked if the wording is "you dont" Try doing somthing different from your usual style of discussing issues. I do want you to know that I can and do relate on how absolutely heartbreaking to have your H invalidate feeling and never get conflicts resolved because he doesnt want to discuss them. Or being told to shut up when your making a valid point because his maturity level is that of a 13 year old. I know that your probably so resentful of him....I came real close to ending it. And it wasnt until I was ready to walk out of the marriage that he has made changes. But Fedup, 9+ years?!! How have you taken the emotional abuse for so long? Your selfesteem, is there any left? If you do anything please go talk to a psychologist. Go by yourself then see if your H would join you. My H demanded that I never go to talk with someone about him (talk about Narcissism). I did it anyway. and told him so....It really helped. The main thing I learned is that I Didnt trust H with my Heart...because he never gave me his. Coldness, meaness, never wrong, If I asked him to do anything he told me to quit telling him what to do. EX: Would you mow the grass sometime this weekend. Never happened. I mowed our grass for 2 years. He let my plants die while I was out of town because I "asked" him to water them. Oh I could go on and on and on....but its better now...however as you can see...I have a lot of work still cut out for me in the forgiveness dept. Some of the things he has said to me in the past out of sheer meaness because he was angry at somthing that happened at work or whatever or who knows what....they will forever be in my head. So for you, I hope this change in behaviour is a new thing. Perhaps it can be fixed. Remember, you cant change anyone but yourself.<BR>My heart goes out to you.<BR>ruby