<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: cantletgo ]</p>

HI CLG,<BR>Sorry for all your pain and living with this (EA?) for all these months. I don't really know what to say but I do think that was really a stupid thing for your H to accuse you of purposely getting fired? DUH! I mean who in their right mind would purposely get a termination on their record. With or without him, you will still have a career to maintain. I don't see how your losing your job affects him in any way, esp. if OW still hangs out in his office all day long every day... Anyway, sending lots of hugs your way today... & a prayer. Keep being strong in the Lord.

cantletgo,<P>WOW! sounds like alot of fun.....<P>Here is my suggestion and I am only going to deal with your job, ok.<P>Even though there was a scene, there is also hanky panky and this company should have some type of policy in the handbook about moral conduct. Its often around the sexual harassment section.<P>If I were you I would make a case for your reinstatement on the new job at the different building.<P>Send a letter to the manager...he or she will end up with it anyway as HR would never be able to make a decision like this.<P>In your letter I would first apoligize but then explain that your husband is having an affair with a co-worker and that you had just found out and it was intollerable for you to have it placed right in your face. And it is worse yet for the company to not only sanction this type of immoral behavior, but to fire you...the hurt and injured party, only makes a bad decision worse. <P>If the company has a policy on morals then mention that.<P>Ask the company to not punish you for your husbands and this womans bad behavior rather to reinstate your transfer to the other office which would solve and close the problem. <P>If you get no satisfaction then follow that up with a 2nd request to reconsider as you would hate to have to drag everyone from this office including the manager to your divorce procedeing... which you could very well have to do.<BR>Also, you mention an abusive supervisor...how so?<P>The down side to this is that your H may lose his job, so its a tough place to be in. <P>I cant believe your husband had the nerve to yell at you for losing your job. And you love him why?<P>I really hope for the best for you.<P>Take care now.<P>Randy

<BR> cantletgo - I don't have advice. I do understand and sympathise. My WS is having an affair w a divorcing salesman in the office we both work in. This makes it seem that the A is everywhere, and saps my strength and peace. Also, I have to fight to keep it from killing me...<P> Y'know, I do have advice ( a little ). Focus on what you feel, on you, and underreact to the mess. <BR> <BR> My prayers are with you, better things are ahead for you. Hey, what is it you've always wanted to do....<P> Dan

Cantletgo, Listen to Randy he has some very good points. In your letter I would refrain from going into detail regarding the incident, because if they don't give you your job back, you may have some legal recourse.<P>Randy, +2 points because you typed what I was thinking and saved me all that time of typing it myself. <P>Take care Canletgo, if this doesn't work out, you'll find another job and things will get better.<P>ANNA<P><BR>

It seems odd that <I>you</I> were the one who got fired when it was the OW who grabbed you.<P>You might want to contact your company's ombudsman, cantletgo, if your company has one. Also, I don't know whether you only <I>assume</I> you have no legal recourse or whether you have actually checked. I wouldn't assume anything.<P>Of course, anything you do may risk the jobs of both your husband and the OW. The fallout from that may not be what you want...<P>

Do you have a labor department in your state?<P>Can you contact a lawyer or legal services? It sure sounds like a sexual harrassment case to me.... Even though no one was harrassing you.<P>Do you have the yahoo messenger chats logged? Email? Any other proof? Get all the proof you can to prove there was any kind of sexual or pre-sexual relationship and see what kind of lawsuit you can file - who knows, the company may be liable for your emotional harm and losing your job with a wrongful termination.... It is definitely questionable, but I would sure as heck try. Do you know how many marriages would be helped if you won?<P>You go girl....<BR>TnT

<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: cantletgo ]</p>

Hi cantletgo,<BR>Have been thinking about you and just wanted to say WOW! You didn't waste any time getting your interview(s) lined up! GO WOMAN! Good for you and I wish you all the best in your new job.<P>Another thing that I wanted to tell you is that God is our husband, with or without a man, and God is our family when we have no physical family. Be encouraged and know that you are never alone. The only "test" in all of this is to see where God is on your priority list and will you trust Him through it all and with or without your marriage. He is still God and He will never leave you nor forsake you. HE is faithful!<P>Find forgiveness in your heart for OW, that is, unless you wish to be "tied" to her as long as you harbor that resentment! EEEUUU! Shake her off!

Maybe I have the whole wrong take and I might take it on the chin here, but at this point, you need to worry about yourself. Why do you really care if WS and OW lose their jobs? You need to get whatever recompense is coming to you. Do you have children and need child support? If not, I'd go for it and if they lose their jobs--well. . .<P>He's having an affair right under your nose, seeing OW in front of everybody, showing absolutely no concern for your feelings and yet you are worrying about him. He's showing you no respect whatsoever. You need to let him know that he's not calling all the shots here. He can't have his hoochie and his job if he wants to stick it in your face all the time. Let him know by your actions that if he wants to spend time with his OW during the day, that you are perfectly willing to see to it that they both have all the time during the day they need to to get together. (I hear that romance in the unemployment line is sooo much fun.)<P>I think that Plan A is a good thing and one needs to do it. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, at least you can go to the grave knowing you gave it your best--but your best does not (at least in my humble opinion) mean allowing someone to use your faithfulness to undermine your ability to earn a living.<P>If you work for the government--so much the better. they hate harassment/sex in the workplace kinds of suits. I'd get the most aggressive lawyer in town and start sabre rattling. Government people do not want publicity nor the expense of a trial. I'd find myself a lawyer--a really mean one (like mine ) and cut him/her loose and when the dust settles, find out if WS's little slut is really worth it.<P>Hang tough.<P>Lou<P>[This message has been edited by hurtinsoul (edited October 04, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by hurtinsoul (edited October 04, 2001).]

Take this free advice for what it is worth. Go get an attack-dog lawyer and sue your employer, the OW, and your H. Seems to me there is potential harrassment here, as well as constructive discharge and who knows what else.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ANB3:<BR><B>Take this free advice for what it is worth. Go get an attack-dog lawyer and sue your employer, the OW, and your H. Seems to me there is potential harrassment here, as well as constructive discharge and who knows what else.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I agree.<P>I don't know the details but my STBX's OW lost her job in the company they both worked for after he was transfered over seas. It sure sounds as if you have a case, maybe on more than one front. Don't let them get away with it. A case like this could stop other WS from starting.