my wife of 9 years has just told me that she wants a divorce. i dont want one and am ready to give up and do it. i have been trying hard to tell her how much i love her and i am sorry for things i have done. My question is how do you stop loving without hateing. I dont want to hate her for this. She is a butiful woman and a great mother. I dont want to hate her but dont know how to care for her as a friend. i am totaly confused and feel helpless. please help if you can.<P>Seabee

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by seabee:<BR><B>My question is how do you stop loving without hateing. I dont want to hate her for this.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Your question is a good one, although I wonder if it's the question you really meant to ask. Do you really mean "how do you stop hurting inside without hating"?<P>Either way, I don't have the answer. But I think there is a price to be paid for killing love, whether or not hate is part of the execution. And I would rather feel my hurt than hate.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by GnomeDePlume (edited October 02, 2001).]

For me, the hatred went away with time. I was angry because something was taken away from me that I valued and did not want to lose. The trick is to keep yourself as healthy as possible, emotionally and physically. Plan A the best you can and work on yourself. even if the marriage fails you will feel better about yourself and can begin to heal and then the anger and hatred give way to a much duller sense of hurt. As you feel better about yourself, those basd feelings for others --your wife and if there is another man then him too, will subside. I have gotten to the point that I just feel kind of sorry for her and really sorry for my kids. Of the four of us, I thinkI am doing the best--go figure, a year ago I was a total mess.<P>Time, Plan A, and caring for yourself and everything will work out one way or the other.<P>Good Luck<P>Lou