Wife away on business trip, probably not alone. Knew something wrong was happening 12/20/00. Just today found evidence of physical affair. The degree to which she has decieved me and lied to me is beyond my comprehension. She has lied to her twin sister, her mother and the rest of her family while trying to trash me in the process. It is unfathomable what she has done to me and our family.<P>I know my story is not so unique but can someone spell out some options for me? My parents died many years ago and I have aunts, uncles and cousins in Chicago and a brother in town. My problem is what to do with the kids--now in Kindergarten and 2nd grade. At this moment I feel she has no right to them and yet I know that's not right. I suspect she will deny until her dying breath which means that reconciling is impossible. <P>It's weird that I thought I had been Plan A'ing for many months and now I find out. How do I process this without turning our worlds upside down? I want to be the better person but my feelings are to hurt her and destroy her reputation. I know, two wrongs,...<P>Pls. advise.

B4andAfter,<P>I have some advice for you. Educate yourself before you do anything rash. I would strongly recommend that you read Surviving an Affair by Harley. I would also recommend that you read as much of the material here as you can.<P>I think once you read this material you will have a better idea of which direction you want to go. I hope it will toward rebuilding the marriage, but I realize that the affair will have to come out in the open first.<P>For the time being I would recommend that you not tell any relatives and friends. Do however gather any and all evidence you can. Might even consider a PI if she is pretty skilled at hiding evidence. <P>Many states are "no fault" so it doesn't matter what anyone has done in the marriage, but if you have evidence it might lead to your W admitting what she is doing more readily. Most affairs start to die once they are exposed to the light of day.<P>So do some reading, get your evidence together, and don't act hastily.<P>God Bless,<P>JL