Hi everyone-<P>Things are going well, but it is now that I feel my patience at an all time low - help. Plan A has been going very well. As you know I survived the weekend while my husband took the three oldest kids to a hotel with the OW. My WH and I have been talking more, not about anything important, but talking at least. Yesterday I asked for a backrub (carrying around a 2 month old is deadly!) and he gave me one - YES! He has been calling every night from work to check in and he is back to talking to me as well as the kids. Last night he asked how my dad was doing. I told him o.k. but that I didn't want to get into it on the phone but would like to talk about it when he has the time for me to really talk and is ready to be a friend with a shoulder to cry on. He said no problem - progress? <P>This morning he came and picked the kids up for school. He is on 3 to 11 so he doesn't get to see the older two otherwise. We made small talk and I thanked him. Nothing earth shattering, but nice.<P><BR>So what's my problem? Last school year when he was on 3 to 11 he started showing up after work and spending the night. He always said it was for to see the kids in the morning, but you know how it went. Now that things are going smoothly with us I want him to show up again and he hasn't. Instead he does show up in the morning. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want to have sex with him, I just want him to show up. Do you understand? I guess I shouldn't get so uptight about it, he's only been on the shift 2 nights, but I guess I want miracles.<P>I guess my point is that now that I really think I'm doing Plan A correctly, it is almost easier to do when things aren't going well because when they are I just want more and it's then that my patience wains and I risk LB'ing.<P>Thanks for letting me vent.<P>K

SR<BR>I undestand the feeling that it's almost eaiser to stay calm when things are rough but think about the effect you have had with your new approach. Time is your friend. Continue with your resolve. (I sound like a Chinese fortune cookie) Let him make all the moves, he's coming around. Look at the result with the NEW YOU!<P>It sounds as though he realy IS thinking since last weekend. Do you think this would be where you are if you had reacted the old way? He may be slowely trying to find out if this is for real. What ever it is, he is feeling that calling and seeing the kids is SAFE.<BR> <BR>Part of plan A is not bringing up the A (hard, hard, hard). Working on yourself, which you have been doing. No LB's and you have been a role model at that. Don't educate, this is a hard one for me. I think I have all the ansewers LOL.<P>Even here I'm telling you what to do (slap me).<P>Let him come to you, make all the moves. Relax, he's coming around. You are getting results.<P>Truly, though I know what it's like to go back and forth with my own behaivor. We all stumble. That's part of the ONION PEAL theory. We have to keep trying it the old way at times to realy convience ourselves that the new way is right.<BR>I can't be hard on you when I have done this so many times myself. <BR>You are doing so well, I just want to support you, not be hard on you. <P>------------------<BR>Marry

Thanks Marry-<P>I've been feeling down since the kids returned. I'm not quite sure why. You are right about one thing, it is hard to break old habits. Now I know why they say patience is a virtue! I am trying not to push and let him make the moves. This is very hard for me. It's funny, but I am one of the most impatient people I know yet whenever I say that people always ask me what I'm talking about saying, "you're always patient and laid back" - hah! <P>It looks like the next two weekends will be away from the OW and I'm going to use it to my advantage. He asked about Halloween plans and I said I hadn't made any set in stone. I'm going to tell him that if he doesn't mind we can both take the kids. This should grate on the OW's nerves a bit. It was one thing when the A was not discovered yet and he told her stuff we did together for the sake of the kids only. Of course we were at the same time doing a lot of stuff that had nothing to do with the kids if you get my drift. Anyways when I found out I brought this up to her, he lied to cover his butt and she believed him. Well now I'm babbling, my point was that I don't think she'll be so keen on family outings now that he's officially with her especially with past info. I've told her in the back of her mind. Boy do I sound vindictive. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. It's my turn to be the supportive undemanding one now.<P>A funny thing happened this morning and I am always one who takes things as signs. After I logged in here I went to the library to check out some easy reading. What book was sitting out on top of a new arrival shelf? Dr. Harley's His Needs- Her Needs. It was freaky, our public library carries almost nothing on affairs and relationships yet here it was. In an effort to remain optimistic, I checked it out and have begun reading it already.<P>How are things with your D? You sound like you're doing great! Thanks again for the support!<P>Take care,<BR>K

K<BR>It can be very tireing to be "at our best". Then when the time is over there is a let down. Remember what it was like togo through finals, we had to realy get "gered up". Then when it was over most of us got sick, it's such a let down. Maybe that's how you felt about the weekend, or maybe your expections weren't met. Anyway it does sound understandable to feel down right now.<BR>One of the things I have apreciated about MB is that I'm chalenged to work hard on changing ME. Patience is hard for most of us, especially in todays fast food world. Everyone thinks that my husband is laid back but the truth is he is NOT that way at home. Most of us are different at home. It's too bad because that's where we should be at our best, with our kids and mate. I have learned that I take my husband for granted and I get short with him when he doesn't "see" what I see. I'm working on this!!!!!!!!<P>Your PLAN for the next couple weeks is NOT vindictive! It's smart!!! I've read many post where the BS gets to a place where they are the understanding, patient, kind one and the OP lb's all over the place. Actually, Harley says to create this. It's SMART!!!<P>Finding that book was meant to be, truly. If things go well, maybe your husband will read some with you. My husband and I are reading that book and Love Busters. It's a hard one because Plan A is "Don't educate", hard.<P>We are supposed to see our daughter tomorrow night. She is having an event for work and we are invited. I realy won't be able to talk to her much but that's OK. What is trubling me is that she owes us money and is supposed to be paying back at 100 pr mo. She also recieved cash from one of my clients to be given to me and she has spent it. I will not bring it up but I will have to deal with it and I hate being put in that position. Maybe she sill surprise me!<P>Is your H ADD or ADHD by any chance?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Marry

Hi Marry-<P>Good luck with your daughter. Be patient, I know what you mean about having to hold back. I guess we're both learning. I just feel so enlightened now that I wish I could turn back the clock to before this mess started. I am working on me and it shows.<P>My H comes to get the 3 year old this morning. I'll Plan A it again. I pray this will work.<P>As for the ADD or ADHD thing, I'm not sure however I have thought about it.<P>K