<BR>I have been monitoring these discussion board and this is my first posting. Last week I was very angry and this week I am very depressed. My situation is a little different then what I have been reading. My H left me and my two boys (6 and 2) about 2 months ago. There is no affair going on by either of us. He just wasn't happy anymore. He said he tried and he couldn't try anymore and he doesn't love me anymore. We have had our problems in our marriage but divorce was never an option for me. Whenever he would get upset, divorce was always brought up. We have been married for 8 years and now my life is up in the air. The boys help me stay focused but I am worried about our future. I trust my H completely in supporting my kids and I but this wasn't how I wanted to raise them. I am really scared of being on my own but there is a sense of relief. <P>My H is very moody and my counselor says that I have lived co-dependent in a bad way on his moods. If he was happy, I was happy and so on. Looking back from this point, I can see that very clearly. There is also some family history on his part too. He was not raised in a very good family environment and I can see some of the environment in my family now. I thought that I loved him so much but since we have been separated those feelings are slowly disappearing. I have no idea why but I feel guilty because the environment at home is so peaceful now and I feel free. It is complicated to explain but I have tried. <P>I don't know why I am depressed now. I went through these feelings for the first few weeks that he left and then I guess I was numb and then angry. I guess I am starting over again with the feelings. Is that normal? I don't cry much though because I just can't, the tears aren't there. I hate that our marriage has come to this but I have tried to get him to stay and stick it out, work out our problems but it was to no avail. I can't make him stay if he doesn't want to. I guess that is really the hardest thing to accept, the fact that he doesn't want to stay and he doesn't want our marriage anymore. It really hurt to be told that he doesn't love me anymore but I am dealing with that better because my feelings for him are not that strong anymore. Who knows when my feelings began to die. This whole thing is so confusing. I feel like every day melds into each other, time passes by, and I am not really aware of my surroundings.<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>Kathy

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AbandonedMom:<BR> I thought that I loved him so much but since we have been separated those feelings are slowly disappearing. I have no idea why but I feel guilty because the environment at home is so peaceful now and I feel free. It is complicated to explain but I have tried. <P>I don't know why I am depressed now. I went through these feelings for the first few weeks that he left and then I guess I was numb and then angry. I guess I am starting over again with the feelings. Is that normal? I don't cry much though because I just can't, the tears aren't there. I hate that our marriage has come to this but I have tried to get him to stay and stick it out, work out our problems but it was to no avail. I can't make him stay if he doesn't want to. I guess that is really the hardest thing to accept, the fact that he doesn't want to stay and he doesn't want our marriage anymore. It really hurt to be told that he doesn't love me anymore but I am dealing with that better because my feelings for him are not that strong anymore. Who knows when my feelings began to die. This whole thing is so confusing. I feel like every day melds into each other, time passes by, and I am not really aware of my surroundings.<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>Kathy[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, those feelings are normal..yes, it's confusing..and that you realize that you are<BR>actually happier and not walking on egg shells all the time says ALOT!!<P>I know the feeling of wanting to go back to an abusive relationship..because you are unsure of your self..and wonder can I really do it alone?? and you question everything..<BR>that is all normal..if you haven't read the book Boundries..then please read it, and do the work book, there are other books as well, like "The Verbally Abusive Relationship"<BR>(I hear that one is really good, one I plan on reading soon) but you need to see if you can find a support group, if there is a local womens shelter call and ask them if they have one, and then go..a lot of them also have counseling for children..but just know that you do have value as a person and you deserve to be happy and have peace in your home..as do your children.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Yes, it is very very difficult, but your feelings are Normal, and you will go back and forth on them.. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] ,m