Hi everyone_<P>So is everybody else suffering the withdrawal that I've been feeling while the forum has been down?<P>To top it off I had a long post Monday morning that I was hoping to get answers to. Oh well. I'm still actively seeking suggestions to get the OW to LB while I continue to Plan A. Remember, she is young, inexperienced, and naive so I can't come across as too coniving and vindictive or she'll only gain points.<P>This Sat. is the supposed pizza date with the kids and the OW, but I'm not sure what's up with it. It was supposed to be his first outing with the baby, but he's already backed out on taking her. He was also supposed to watch all of the kids after pizza as I have plans, but now he has asked me to get a sitter. He says he has to go into work at 3 am Sun. morning and needs to get to bed early. I'm sure it has nothing to do with wanting to spend time with the OW alone. She is supposedly in town for a family event and my WH now claims that he doesn't think she will even be able to go for pizza. Sure, sure - I know he isn't allowed at her parents house, but I'll bet any money she'll be able to get away that night and he wants to see her so now he has to think of lies to get out of his committments to me. Don't worry, I bit my tongue and got a sitter.<P>During the same phone call where he changed all his plans for Sat. night he proceeded to scream at me that he's sick of people telling him he's messing up, that he's an adult and can do what he wants. I calmly asked him what had happened because I haven't told him this in ages, he said nothing in particular, but he's just sick of people making judgements. I calmly reminded him that he lives in a small town and people talk. I also added the point that although he is correct and he can make his own choices, that he chose to have an affair and then leave his wife and four very young children. This is something that very few people approve of and therefore one of the consequences will be people talking and giving opinions.<P>During the call he was very angry. I'm not sure why. Part of me thinks he feels confused about what happened last Sat. (we almost slept together) and was trying to engage me in a fight in an effort to rebuild some distance and tension between us. Too bad, I remained calm. I also think he feels guilty, I mean little miss homewrecker is totally in love and committed and here he is fooling around with me. With her coming home this weekend I'm sure the guilt is worse and he's worried she'll find out. Too bad! He has also told me that the OW can't handle the pressure of people saying things about them, to them etc. Who knows, maybe he wants to take her out this weekend and is worried what people might say or do. All I know is that they weren't thinking about anyone's feelings or opinions when they started and continued all this so now as adults they better be prepared to deal with it. Hopefully it will cuase problems for them.<P>Anyway, all the above stuff happened in a phone call on Sun. I didn't hear from him Mon., but when he picked the kids up on Tues. he was very friendly. He hung out at the house for quite awhile and made a lot of references to nice things from our past. I asked him to read HNHN. I told him I really felt I had gotten so much out of it and thought he might too. He hates to read so I told him how I knew I was asking a lot and wouldn't push, but that I really felt it was important for everyone involved, him, me, the kids, even the OW. He said he couldn't promise me anything, but would take it. I thanked him and dropped it.<P>I hope to hear from some of you soon with any input or ideas. I've missed you.<P>K

K,<P>Steve said "don't post", but I thought I'd try anyway. I too have been REALLY missing this forum. Maybe it was good that it wasn't there. It's kindof a substitute for figuring out and doing things on my own.<P>I'm amazed by your H. It seems clear that he's not going to be able to keep OW - but he doesn't know that.<P>While this forum was dead, I looked around a little and found the Vagahn's web site and read an excerpt from "Beyond Affairs". I know you've been around here - and struggling with this for a long time. Still, this might give you an idea of how your H felt in the beginning. You have to buy the whole book to find out what happened - but reading just this chapter, well -- it made me think. It's almost an advertisements for the glory of affairs. I hope the rest of the book tells the downside.<P><A HREF="https://www.vaughan-vaughan.com/shop/samples/ba-sample.pdf" TARGET=_blank>Sample of Beyond Affairs</A><P>-AD<p>[ October 11, 2001: Message edited by: AbandonedDad ]

K<BR>It's hard to leave or cheat on someone if you aren't mad at them. You are so right, he needs to be angry in order for this weekend to go well for him and OG. You have changed the "rules".<BR>It is also likely that she is finaly, after the reality of seeing three of his kids, waking up. She is at college remember!!!!!!!Her friends can't be saying "Cool, four kids who hate you, cool, lucky you". Not happening.<BR>Our D is doing the same thing. We have been so mellow and she doesn't know what to do with the change.<BR>I read that when "they" see that we truly have changed, they will try to change us back. I have a friend at Ala-non who said that when she stoped drinking, even her family would stick her favorite drink in front of her, go figure. She was so past it that they couldn't handle the change.<BR>Keep, your resolve, be confident that your are on the right track. I know I am and I believe you are too.<BR>K, "time is your friend". Mine too.