Hey everyone i guess i need to vent and get any opions on what's going on...Well i talked to the stbx the other day and everything went smoothly until i brought up our baby he changed the subject...I asked him why he always changes the subject when i talk about our baby..His reply was "what am i supposed to say?? He never asks how our son is doing or even tries to acknowledge the fact that he is already almost 4 months old..And my stbx has only seen him one time..He fled to another state and when i ask him when he thinks he may see the baby again he says not for awhile..And when he talks about what he plans on doing in the future he never once includes being a father or trying to be a part of our babys life..i'm fed up with trying to convince him or his family to accept our son they don't deserve him...What a jerk my stbx is how unfair is that to our baby! He is only thinking of himself! I don't understand why he wants our son to grow up the way he did without a father...??

Oh Jc's mom,<P><<<<hugs>>>> I understand how you feel. My H has little natural affection for his only son. My H came from a similar background. FIL was an alcohlic and abuser. H was 3rd out of 12 children. H was the one who wrestled his father to the ground when his dad was drunk or beating his mother. The mother was dysfunctional as well. The children were sent to the children's shelter twice. <P>With all that, H just did not know how to be a father and a husband. Thought we both owed him a living. Providing for his family was not what he did. <P>Perfect setup for an A. It happened. H also has major low self esteem issues. Adding fuel to the fire, the OW said "you have me now, what else do you need." and "your son doesn't need you, he will get over it". <P>It has taken a long time. Our son is 6 years old. I have had to carry the most of the responsibility most of those years. Now I am letting H carry his share. H is now learning to find joy and frustration in being a 'parent'. <P>For some it takes a while. Quite a while. <P>You though, be the best mom you can be. <P>L.

That's the only problem for me i'm starting to resent my stbx. For not being there with me to share in the birth of our son or be here to help support me emotionally so i can be a better parent. I told him that if he is going to just be the type of dad that see's his child a couple times a year..It would be best if he just stayed away and never seen our son..Because i know what it's like to have a dad that see's you once or twice a year and having your dad do that makes you feel unloved or not special enough because a child thinks it's their fault their fathers arent always around i did

Hi Jc's mom,<P>How did he respond?<P>L.

!!WOW!!<P>I was married to a man that could never attatch himself emotionally to his children and I was both mom/dad to the kids for 14 years.<P>I tried everyway I could to include him in the kids lives to no avail.<P>After the divorce, he did pick them up for vistation, but the kids went kicking and screaming, they didn't want to be with him.<P>In the insuing years he has stolen from their piggy banks, rifled their bedrooms, closed out thier college accounts.<P>My children are now teenagers and refuse to see their DAD. He had bypass surgery they did 5 bypasses on him and the children had no desire to go to the hospital to see him.<P>You are being shown early that there is no nurting feelings in this man, your son would be better off with only you to give him the positive input that he needs.<P>OH,my kids are doing well, are well adjusted and I tell them all the time "your father loves your he just doesn't know how to show it"<P>They are aware that the fault is not theirs, but his, he is the one that is emotionally handicapped.<P>-Kat-

My stbx didn't reply back when i emailed him about how i felt with his behavior...He seems like he avoids anything that is the truth..I guess it's to painful for him so he tries the whole avoidence game..But he needs to grow up do they ever?? before it's to late??