Hey everyone i'm having the worst roller coaster of emotions...I keep trying to forget about my stbx and approaching divorce. I still love him so much and he said he didn't love me the way i thought he did..But then when we talk he asks me if there is someone else..I tell him no, but maybe i should say yes to make him think i'm not waiting for him..I still love him so much but i have to hide my feelings and not let him know...It makes me to vulnerable otherwise..Help what should i do i don't want the divorce but the stbx and i are in different states and he is forgetting about me with each passing day why can't i forget...Why did he do this to me..He promised me he wouldnt leave..

(((((((((((((jc'sm)))))))))))))))))<P>You are in need of some comforting words. I am assuming you live in the US, and if that is right, it's very late. You need to find some way to sleep. You need to sleep because your little son needs you. Can you try? Have a warm bath or shower, warm milk? Sleeping pill?<P>Your H is in a fog, and it seems to you that he doesn't care about your child because he doesn't want to talk about him. Well that is because he DOES care, and he avoids the conversation because he doesn't want you to know it. They WS's never like us to see how they really feel.<P>One thing you shouldn't do is tell your H lies...it will come out, and then how bad do you look. Tell him the truth, no there is no-one else because i love you. Although if he doesn't like to be told that, then don't.<P>You need to try and find some way of getting rid of that frustrating feeling you have. That is why you can't stop thinking about it. Some people suggest exercise, some meditation, some read self-help books. It's your choice as to what you want to do.<P>I'll tell you something I did not believe until it happened top me: when you truly, truly let go, you will feel better. When you take baby steps to a life without him, you will feel better. When you do strong things you will feel strong. You will feel much more in control of your life, and that will make you feel better too.<P>No the hurt does not go away overnight....but it has been a little over three months for me, and moving on, this last week was the BEST thing I have done so far...and if H comes back, well we'll see.<P>Love and lots and lots of healing light,<P>Jacky

Hi me again,<P>I notice that when we write in response to your threads, you don't reply. Is that because we don't help much? You don't know how? You forget about the post?<P>I am only asking because if you write back, you will receive more help.<P>In case you don't know how to<P>When you see someone has written back you click on your own topic, right?<P>Then read it.<P>Then go to the end of the page.<P>You'll see Post Reply written down there somewhere.<P>Click on it and it will give you a text box to respond in.<P>Please keep answering us, cos if you don't we can't help you any more than we already did in that thread, and we would all like to see how you are and how our advice was received.<P>love and light,<P>Jacky

Thanks for the reply..I feel weird putting my problems on a board so everyone is welcome to see them..And i know i've come to realize that my stbx avoids any subject that bothers him. The baby, divorce etc..But he seems confused..I have been to but i realize now i'm not going to continue and wait until he makes up his mind whether or not he wants to be a daddy. That isn't fair to my son, he doesntdeserve to not have father in his life.And i'm done trying to convince my stbx to want our baby in his life..I just don't understand how he can be so selfish. I can understand he doesnt love me and really doesnt want anything to do with me but the baby had nothing to do with our situation..I told him i'm not going to wait for him to decide whether or not he wants to be a father...The sad thing is i know he's scared and not ready..He doesnt want the responsibility of being a husband or a dad...He's not the man i married...The man i married wanted our marriage and our son..

jc's mommy:<P><B>Thanks for the reply..I feel weird putting my problems on a board so everyone is welcome to see them..</B><P>Well that's what we are here for, to see and to help. I felt weird too at first, but there are such a lot of caring, wonderful people willing to share with you, that you should never feel bad about coming here.<P><B>But he seems confused..I have been to but i realize now i'm not going to continue and wait until he makes up his mind whether or not he wants to be a daddy. That isn't fair to my son, he doesntdeserve to not have father in his life.And i'm done trying to convince my stbx to want our baby in his life..I just don't understand how he can be so selfish. I can understand he doesnt love me and really doesnt want anything to do with me but the baby had nothing to do with our situation..I told him i'm not going to wait for him to decide whether or not he wants to be a father...The sad thing is i know he's scared and not ready..He doesnt want the responsibility of being a husband or a dad...He's not the man i married...The man i married wanted our marriage and our son.. </B><P>The experience you mention here is SO typical for the WS. Denial, rejection, no attachment, a wall, so you can't see their feelings. I think they all have to get a licence or something.<P>Tell me, have you read EVERYTHING on this site yet? The articles, etc? They really help give you a plan of attack. <P>Have you filed for divorce yet? Have you tried any of the Plan A stuff? Have you done EVERYTHING you could, so that if you do put an end to this, you will be at peace with yourself?<P><BR>20 questions, but they are necessayr, so we know where you are at.<P>Take care of you and your baby.<P>Love and light,<P>jacky

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jc's_Mommy:<BR>Hey everyone i'm having the worst roller coaster of emotions...I keep trying to forget about my stbx and approaching divorce. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OK, right now, stop thinking about elephants. <P>Thought about elephants, didn't you? The only way to <I>not</I> think about something is to think about something else. <P>I know it's hard to put those thoughts away- it took me months to get to the point where I only spend half my waking hours on it. Exercise is a good suggestion, work or hobbies are good too. Writing things out, either in a journal or here, helps me immensely. Give all those things a try and see what works for you.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But then when we talk he asks me if there is someone else..I tell him no, but maybe i should say yes to make him think i'm not waiting for him..<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nothing will be gained by lying, by "making him jealous." The only way to make him think you're not waiting for him is to <I>not wait for him.</I><P>Your H has not forgotten you- he has forgotten himself, lost him soul somewhere and can't find it. Don't blame yourself; it's not your fault. <P>Prayers for you,<BR>B

The way i'm feeling today is i don't want to be with my stbx anymore but i still love him. So maybe it was stupid of me or not but i emailed him and told him how i felt. That i know he cant say he didn't love me and i can't say i didn't love him that would only be a lie. But i told him im not going to try and change his mind anymore i'm just going to accept what is going to happen and learn from what happend. So that next time i don't make the same mistakes.