I seems like I'm new topic crazy but my other 2 threads are so long, I thought I would start a new short one.<P>Tomorrow I'm going to Family day at my H's work with him and the kids. I wasn't going to go but if I don't the kids won't get to either. They are very excited about this. I know my Plan B is ruined by this but I haven't actually Plan B'd to well anyway since I see him every morning when he takes kids to school.<P>After the family day thing, the kids and I are going to Charlotte to a function at Discovery Place. THere will be a cocktail hours, buffet dinner, photo op with Jim from Mutual of Ohama and his animals and we get to go to the Omnimax movie. I had originally invited H to go with us because I wasn't sure I could handle kids in such a formal enviroment by myself. My mom is also is Biloxi, MS this weekend so it is just me.<P>Monday when I was furious at H, I un-invited him. Also my Dad is paying for us to stay in a really nice hotel with indoor pool so kids can play. I got room with double beds.<P>Am I crazy if I ask H to go with us. Am I risking everything by trying to get some help with the kids? I don't know. This is all so confusing. I don't plan to be his wife during this trip but I need help being a parent. Has anyone else been faced with this situation?<P>Also I have no idea if he would go anyway. He could also drive a sep vehicle and just drive home instead of staying in hotel. He could get his own room but at $95 a night, that would be a bit ridiculous. Then again, the courts might take things the wrong way if we shared a room .<P><BR>AAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!<P>I hate this. I have 2 potentially great things planned for the weekend and both of them have become hassels because of my marital separation. Why can't the courts see that we are still parents no matter what. <P>Lynn

Lynn, <P>I know how you feel about the whole parenting thing... I feel it every day when I am the one to meet my kids' every need.<P>But think what a message it sends to him if you go by yourself, and have a good time, and you DO NOT rely on him...think Lynn, really think! that sounds like Mike, huh? I wish he was here to back me up!<P>Also, you have already said to him he can't go...don't go back on that, it shows weakness, and he will be smirking in his boots. You want to show him the best you there is, and that includes not depending on him for anything....consider it, huh?<P>And btw, why can't he take the kids to his thing on HIS own? Why should you have to go? That is not fair. Did he tellyou he would not take them unless you went? That could be a GOOD sign if he said that, though I know you think of it as only keeping up appearances for his job.<P>Take care!<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

When I would say, "I'm not going!" he would get all sad and say things like he really wanted me to go, "I asked you didn't I?", "Please come with me, it will be fun".<P>This has been a major issue for a while. Why am I good enough to take to Family day and not be married too? What does OW think about him taking me instead of him? Does she even know about it?<P>I think because H's brother-in-law works there too and his BIL and sister will be there with their kids, my H didn't want to risk having her there. As far as I know, no one at his plant knows about OW. His boss even came by my house looking for him. Boy was he shocked when I asked him if he knew where he lived...<P>I just hate that two great events will be ruined because we can't truly go to them as a family. It's not fair. I know I wasn't to blame and I didn't start this, but I still can't help but be upset by the missed opportunities to have family fun.<P>I will miss my H and our time together. Why can't I just get angry and stay that way? Are there instructions on how to grow a spine?<P>PP

YEP!<P>Here they are:<P>Take a deep breath, and DO IT!<P>You are looking back too much Lynn, and not seeing the good...you can still have a great day, you really can, and your kids will LOVE you for it.<P>You are strong, or you wouldn't have made it this far...stick to it, it sends him a message,<P>As long as you do what he wants, even in these bad circumstances, he will be one up on you....why let him be?<P>Love and light.<P>Jacky

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by peoplepleaser:<BR><STRONG>I will miss my H and our time together. Why can't I just get angry and stay that way? Are there instructions on how to grow a spine?<P>PP</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Of course you'll miss your time but at some point you'll have to redefine "family". I did. You know what? I've found that since our divorce and getting to a half-way emotionally healthy place my family time (just me and my three girls) is SO MUCH more rewarding than it ever was when what's her name was with us. WHY? Because, I'm a totally different person, finally I am able to take off the mask that I've worn so long and I'm able to be me. Lynn, it takes time to sort through all this but you'll get there.<P>As for anger, I actually prayed for anger, seriously. I wanted nothing more than to be totally pissed off at what that woman did to my family. Then one day for about 3 hours my prayers were answered and I was finally able to be totally angry at her. That three hours caused me 42 steps backwards on my "getting over her" path not to mention when I looked in the mirror I couldn't believe what I saw. I was allowing her to pull me down to her level. Outside of that 3 hours I can honestly say I did everything to save my marriage and I took the high road through the entire divorce. Who do you think my kids respected more through that process, the one who always had a good word or the one who tried to run me over in her van? So what image do you want you children to have?<P>As for the spine, here is what I did.<P>Step 1 - Look into my girl's eye's<BR>Step 2 - Hug my girl's<BR>Step 3 - Kiss my girl's<BR>Step 4 - Repeat step 1 through 3<P>At some point while doing the above steps I realized that Lisa's actions were hurting my girl's. From that day forward my spine was strong because you can screw me over but don't f*&^ with my girls.<P>Have a good weekend....<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers.......<p>[ October 12, 2001: Message edited by: LostHusband ]

On your weakest moment think all the pain & lies that H cause & said during plan A and in the past, avoid day dream or think a good time of the past.<P>Then look at yourself in the mirror and say:<BR>"I will have fun with what I have left if H are not allow until he fess up."<P>Go and have fun.<BR>Hadi

I am sorry to report that I am setting a bad example for strong women and Plan B'ers. I am going with H and kids to the family day thing tomorrow at his work.<P>One positive note, I have decided not to mention the activities planned the rest of the weekend with the kids. I suppose I'll just deal with them and if they get out of control, we can leave the event and go back to hotel and play in the pool.<P>Go Braves!!!<P>Lynn