Is it healthy to want to meet the woman that your husband had an affair with? For me I feel like it would be a healing process. I emagine her as being a barbie. If that is truely how she looks, than I will have something to work at for myself, not for him! but if she is nothing to write home about , than I will recover much faster. I guess by now you can see where this is going. It's a self esteem issue. Has anyone ever done this before. If so has it helped? I am to much of a lady to do this but boy would I love to ring her doorbell with my 5 children & show her how many lives she has destroyed. I had the opportunity to blast him for it. Now I would like the opportunity to blast her.

Hi bula,<P>Well, you wanting to see OW is very normal, but ill-advised. Rather than help the healing, it is likely it will open you to more pain.<P>If you have a self esteem issue, and you think it is possible that your H would like to see you as more attractive, then you can work on that without ever seeing OW. Get your hair done, make sure you are well groomed when you see H, lose weight if you have to, LOOK AFTER YOU!<P>And we would all like to give those OP a kick ion the butt for wrecking our lives, but it would just add fuel to their fire.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Jacky, I guess I sent a wrong signal. My husband had the affare because due to my 5 pregnancys, we had a lack of sex. He didn't do it because I was falling apart physically. As far as looking better for him. No way! It would be strictly for myself. After what he did to me, there is no way that I will change anything about myself for his needs. How do you go on without thinking about the ow? <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nina too:<BR><STRONG>Hi bula,<P>Well, you wanting to see OW is very normal, but ill-advised. Rather than help the healing, it is likely it will open you to more pain.<P>If you have a self esteem issue, and you think it is possible that your H would like to see you as more attractive, then you can work on that without ever seeing OW. Get your hair done, make sure you are well groomed when you see H, lose weight if you have to, LOOK AFTER YOU!<P>And we would all like to give those OP a kick ion the butt for wrecking our lives, but it would just add fuel to their fire.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

bula,<P>there is a book and site I found about affairs ...askpeggy.com <BR>It is normal to want to meet the OW for some.<BR>The book beyond affairs is good to read. He didn't have the affair because of you- he chose to do it on his own. Please don't accept the blame for it.<BR>lght

meet other OW & OWH, OWH nice looking, she was a big disappointment, she was over weight which my H told me about every pound I gain, it did give me closure & I wanted to go home & take a bath after seeing what he slept with, my H is not great looking,it must be the sex which I hardly got, he was always too tired or didnt last. OW ask her H to leave & they are planning to remarried, Im glad, saw her dirty house & what she looked like, with 3 small boys, H is used to a clean, quiet house.<BR>married 17yrs.<BR>d-d oct 23 1st hearing<BR>12 yr son

Bula,<P>I guess that depends on what you are really wanting to find out..what if she's not what<BR>"you" think he would choose? <P>What if she's total opposite of everything<BR>you are? Would that make you feel any better<BR>about yourself?<P>The only thing you can do anything about is change you..from the inside out..make you the best you, you can be..and do it for yourself..<P>This will make you feel better about yourself<BR>to where you'll be attractive to a whole host of men..just because of the attitude that you carry..having self-respect, (something I think a lot of b/s and w/s lose during/before an affair) I say this because most do things that they wouldn't typically do..and act completely out of character..<P>example- before your h's affair, would have even considered looking over phone records?<BR>or following him around to see where he is going?? (not that you have done this, but some here have) yes, you trusted your spouse before hand..(at least some had trust before hand) but, your own basic instincts of trust have been shattered, and you don't even trust your own thoughts, or feelings..and if you don't trust yourself..then you lose some<BR>forms of self-respect..<P>So work on you, and your ability to trust yourself..and know that your not crazy..(even though others may try and convince you otherwise)