Well I do not post here very often. I sit and read what is going on in everyone else's life as most mirror mine. But this has been a really emotional week for me.<P>First of all hubby stops by and hands me the divorce papers. He tells me to sign then ASAP. I was very stunned as I was in the driveway on my way back to work. I look at him like he is a crazy man (FOG) and tell him I will not sign anything until my attorney looks them over. He thinks I don't have an attorney so I hand him her card. HE about freaks. I tell him I will let him know tomorrow.<P>After he left, and I compose myself, I look though all these papers and I just lost it. This man whom I have been with for almost 19 years (married 17 years this coming Wednesday) wants me to have NOTHING! Just child support and a house that is falling apart around me. <P>On top of these papers is a hand written note that he writes to me about how we need to talk and work this out so we don't have to involve lawyers, and that if we can't get along it will only hurt the children financially. (The more I read this, the more I took it as a threat). <P>To make a long story short, I saw my attorney the next day, and the 1st thing she said was where is the grounds for divorce paper. I tell her I haven't a clue, that this is all that he gave me, and she told me she will handle it from here.<P>STBX pages me the next day and tells me he needs to get this paper back ASAP! I page him back and say its in my attorney's hands and if he wants to talk to me about the DIVORCE he will have to go through her.<P>I am feeling just sick about this. About the end. I am scared to death, because he makes like 3 times what I make, and I have 3 children and me to think about. I am scared about the future. I am scared for my kids.<P>I hope all of these feelings are normal. I have never been through this before.<P>I am sooooo stressed... OS (16) thinks he is the man of the house - I have to remind him he is not - MS (15) says he wants to die and is now on anti-depressants and is seeing a therapist and D (9) is just not understanding and is starting to cry. Then there is me trying to hold it all together, and having a hard time doing it.<P>I keep hearing this will get better, but god, how I wish it would hurry up. I am told it may get worse before it gets better, but I don't know how much more I can take!<P>Any advice to help me through this process would be appreciated! <P>Thanks for letting me vent!

So Sorry Bladybug for your troubles, I don't usually post here but after reading your story I can relate. I am M 18 yrs. 3 kids 15, 12, 9 all three of them are having similar problems. My H had A d-day for me july 24,2001 H moved out 1 month ago, he also makes 3 times more then me, I am sacred to death about my kids and me and our future, he also wants a D has not served me with papers yet but he to has no grounds for a D. I went to speak to a lawyer to find out my rights of course every state is different but H cannot file D papers in New York because he has no grounds. I am having my share of problems as well, he is never here for the kids he is always working, he is a cop and we live in N.Y. so he is working lots OT. Anyway not much advice but know I am where you are, Just take one day at a time or one hour at a time. My prayers are with you Sally

having fear of things is normal, we tend to fear what we are unsure of, you did the right thing by seeing a lawyer, you must protect yourself finacialy, and do not givr in thinking he will come back, treat the D as a bussiness arrangement adn work on paln A in the mean time, take your time and let him make the moves.

I really don't know your complete story. I can tell you that you must treat this divorce very unemotionaly. You need to think only of your children and yourself now. Don't do a thing unless you speak to your attorney first. If he is out of the house then keep him out.<BR>As for the children, start bringing the middle to a child phycologist. He needs to talk. Go to a bookstore and get a book on divorce and children. As for your husband, from what you said do not trust him. He is only thinking of himself and not his children. Be good. and plan B.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bladybug:<BR><STRONG>Well I do not post here very often. I sit and read what is going on in everyone else's life as most mirror mine. But this has been a really emotional week for me.<P>First of all hubby stops by and hands me the divorce papers. He tells me to sign then ASAP. I was very stunned as I was in the driveway on my way back to work. I look at him like he is a crazy man (FOG) and tell him I will not sign anything until my attorney looks them over. He thinks I don't have an attorney so I hand him her card. HE about freaks. I tell him I will let him know tomorrow.<P>After he left, and I compose myself, I look though all these papers and I just lost it. This man whom I have been with for almost 19 years (married 17 years this coming Wednesday) wants me to have NOTHING! Just child support and a house that is falling apart around me. <P>On top of these papers is a hand written note that he writes to me about how we need to talk and work this out so we don't have to involve lawyers, and that if we can't get along it will only hurt the children financially. (The more I read this, the more I took it as a threat). <P>To make a long story short, I saw my attorney the next day, and the 1st thing she said was where is the grounds for divorce paper. I tell her I haven't a clue, that this is all that he gave me, and she told me she will handle it from here.<P>STBX pages me the next day and tells me he needs to get this paper back ASAP! I page him back and say its in my attorney's hands and if he wants to talk to me about the DIVORCE he will have to go through her.<P>I am feeling just sick about this. About the end. I am scared to death, because he makes like 3 times what I make, and I have 3 children and me to think about. I am scared about the future. I am scared for my kids.<P>I hope all of these feelings are normal. I have never been through this before.<P>I am sooooo stressed... OS (16) thinks he is the man of the house - I have to remind him he is not - MS (15) says he wants to die and is now on anti-depressants and is seeing a therapist and D (9) is just not understanding and is starting to cry. Then there is me trying to hold it all together, and having a hard time doing it.<P>I keep hearing this will get better, but god, how I wish it would hurry up. I am told it may get worse before it gets better, but I don't know how much more I can take!<P>Any advice to help me through this process would be appreciated! <P>Thanks for letting me vent!</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I read your story this morning & felt compelled to reply. I am about to take this ride. My husband & I are at the end. Your husband sounds like mine as far as trying to get an uncontested D, when the time comes. He makes a great salary & I am a trapped mother of 5. Speek about it being a mans world! I am feeling your pain. There are no other words of comfort except to say that you are not alone. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bladybug:<BR><STRONG>Well I do not post here very often. I sit and read what is going on in everyone else's life as most mirror mine. But this has been a really emotional week for me.<P>First of all hubby stops by and hands me the divorce papers. He tells me to sign then ASAP. I was very stunned as I was in the driveway on my way back to work. I look at him like he is a crazy man (FOG) and tell him I will not sign anything until my attorney looks them over. He thinks I don't have an attorney so I hand him her card. HE about freaks. I tell him I will let him know tomorrow.<P>After he left, and I compose myself, I look though all these papers and I just lost it. This man whom I have been with for almost 19 years (married 17 years this coming Wednesday) wants me to have NOTHING! Just child support and a house that is falling apart around me. <P>On top of these papers is a hand written note that he writes to me about how we need to talk and work this out so we don't have to involve lawyers, and that if we can't get along it will only hurt the children financially. (The more I read this, the more I took it as a threat). <P>To make a long story short, I saw my attorney the next day, and the 1st thing she said was where is the grounds for divorce paper. I tell her I haven't a clue, that this is all that he gave me, and she told me she will handle it from here.<P>STBX pages me the next day and tells me he needs to get this paper back ASAP! I page him back and say its in my attorney's hands and if he wants to talk to me about the DIVORCE he will have to go through her.<P>I am feeling just sick about this. About the end. I am scared to death, because he makes like 3 times what I make, and I have 3 children and me to think about. I am scared about the future. I am scared for my kids.<P>I hope all of these feelings are normal. I have never been through this before.<P>I am sooooo stressed... OS (16) thinks he is the man of the house - I have to remind him he is not - MS (15) says he wants to die and is now on anti-depressants and is seeing a therapist and D (9) is just not understanding and is starting to cry. Then there is me trying to hold it all together, and having a hard time doing it.<P>I keep hearing this will get better, but god, how I wish it would hurry up. I am told it may get worse before it gets better, but I don't know how much more I can take!<P>Any advice to help me through this process would be appreciated! <P>Thanks for letting me vent!</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

(((bladybug)))) I am so sorry for your pain. I have my divorce this Friday. So I have basically been through the negotiating stage. In the beginning we didn't talk and threatened to take everything to court. But after we had been separated about 2 months and emotions were a little less raw we did speak and came to an agreement. My advice, don't try to rush things, leave it to the lawyer. If you have questions about where you stand legally speak to your lawyer. Don't worry about when things will happen, legal proceedings take time. Try in the mean time to spend time with your children and maybe join a support group in your area. If you still love him, keep to Plan A/B. <P>Take care of yourself.<BR>Pantha

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. I know that all of this will take time and to heal may take months or years. It is still so fresh and the wounds are deep.<P>H told OS today that the reason he doesn't come over to the house to help him fix his car is that he and I don't get along right now, and now that the divorce is started, it looks like it is going to get ugly and we will not like each other after this is over. <P>HELLO! Why did he even mention that to our son. I thought this wasn't suppose to involved the kids (or thats what he says).<P>My kids are getting so many mixed signals from him. One minute he is nice to them, and then the next minute he is cursing them out... I have been journaling like crazy. I just printed out what I have and its like 65 pages long. <P>All in all I am not sure if I want to plan A or plan B. I think I have been plan B'ing since H left in July. But it really is not use to plan anything as he REALLY REALLY wants out. Still swears there is not OW - but my gut tells me is is lying! <P>But that old saying that goes what goes around will come around - will catch up with him one day - and when that day comes he will have lost a family and be all alone!<P>Gosh, I think I am getting at the angry stage today! <P>Beth

Bladybug:<BR>Good plan A will not leave you peril. Also Plan A/B is not for every one. I am in Plan A and I am riding roller caoster of my life and poping stomach medicine like crazy plus anti D. Your H is in the fog that every one talk about. Just think that H is really mentally sick, what he does or not doing is not H thet you love & care. Take a good look at your self (self reflextion), could you live w/o H, the H that you fond of ?. Not financially, you are protected by the law. If you say nope then ask the second Q, 10 yers from now will I regeret my decision ?. If you say nope then it is time to pick up your self girl and hit 'em hard !!! (blue chantrell). See the mirror and say you are good W and person and you deserve better than this. Many people survive this so can you.<P>If you say yes, I might. I sugest you pick up the phone and get help from MB and say it is emergency. Meanwhile educate your self w/ wonderfull material of basic concept of MB: EN, LB, Plan A/B get reading material from local library or bookstore on His/Her needs, SAA.<P>Keep posting, we are all here for you no matter which course you choose. You are the one will have to live in it.<P>Hadi