Wow, what a day, being hammered at from 10 am to 2:30 on why I want a restraining order, that since I never called CPS that there must not have been any abuse going on, and that my own thoughts of emotional and mental abuse were in my own mind. My attorney said I handled it well, but I have a scorching headache and feel like I have been beaten with sledge hammers. My daughter who has anger issues was called a liar, as was anyone who did mention there were things going on. I tired to explain the anger issues of my D were from being abused, so it tracks back that I never called Child Protective Services. <P>Why is it when there are no obvious bruises, do many feel there is no abuse? I'm so worn out, but we do know the tack that STBX's attorney will pull when I get on the stand in court next month. Of course, he learned what rattled me, too, but I can work on that. My attorney recommended a counselor for myself to work through more of the abuse issues and to be a "cheerleader" for me, to let me know it was OK to be ashamed and guilty for what I didn't stand up for in the past and am trying to now. <P>STBX is trying to be awarded "father of the year" and that I am just keeping the children from him because I don't like him. I came home to find a note scribbled on the phone message by the younger D saying she hates him. I'm trying to protect them and go by their wishes... it's about time I did so. he did beat on the older D, constantly was emotionally and verbally abusive to both girls, and I feel like I am fighting with everything I have and being found lacking.<P>Lori

Lori,<P>I found posting the actual events of what happened when I was abused helped me to not feel so much pain when I told the story. I got very specific. This helped alot when I told my mother, I was much more able to handle telling her without getting so emotional.<P>I am so sorry you have to go through all this. You must be a very brave person inside.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Thanks Anna! I have listed some of what I felt during the marriage, had the kids reflect on their years with STBX, and we all are moving forward there. It's an awful situation to grow away from it all this past year and then have it thrown in my face once again by the attorney making light of it all. <P>I don't know that I am brave... stubborn is one word that frequently comes to mind. I'm also loyal and now that I am on the path to protect my children, I will do it as best as I can. Was a long night, woke up in tears several times. I'm trying to keep focused and prepare for when I am on the stand next month. Hopefully, by that time, I will have found the strength to stand up again for my children's wishes.<P>On a funnier note, STBX saw the "promise" ring I bought myself and I know he is wondering what it is about. It is pretty; tanzanite and small diamonds, and as I bought it I made myself a promise that I would never get married again. My attorney made me change that to never get married to that type of man again, though. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Lori

Lori,<P>I'm glad your attorney made you change that. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>It sounds like you are really doing great and moving on!<P>Take care,<P>ANNA