Found out about H's EA (PA?) with OW exactly 4 weeks ago. Then found out he has been "obsessed" with her since late 2000. He described it as a "headache" that wouldn't go away. H told our marriage counselor that M isn't "fixable" although until 4 weeks ago, I thought we had agreed that the counseling was getting us back to a stable relationship. <P>We've had a terrible two years; he's been fired three times in 20 months. He met this woman at the last job, just as he started having trouble there. After I noticed their daily e-mails, he told me this was the last woman in the world I'd ever have to worry about (just a poor little uneducated country girl with not a curious bone in her body; just clueless.) He was "counseling" her because her adult son is alcoholic and she just didn't know how to cope. H is recovering Alcoholic and considers himself expert in the field.<P>So, now he has a new job which keeps him out of town most of the time. He says he's grateful for the space to be away from both of us. He told marriage counselor and me that he has cut off contact with OW, but he's been lying about everything else so neither of us knows whether to trust him or not.<P>I'm really tired of having all this pain inflicted on me while the two of them are enjoying their fantasy life. I've read on this and other boards that the other BS has a right to know what is going on, too, if for no other reason than the vast majority of affairs die in the light of reality.<P>Does anyone have any experience they would be willing to share? At this point, the only person I really care about is our daughter, age 13, who can't believe her dearly beloved Daddy is at it again (this is A #3. I didn't know about #1 (apparently it was just a PA fueled by their mutual addiction to booze). And #2 occurred right after he got sober, then fired a few months later (3+years ago).<P>Sorry for the rambling. Am still distraught and confused. I know we'll be better off without him, but I'm really in the mood to inflict some pain on them.

Sorry LindyL, I'm not the one to offer advice right now on revenge tactics....I am just bumping your post to see if anyone wants to reply.

Hello--I am a regular in GQII...I just lurk here now and again...<P>I called OW's H instinctively...it wasn't revenge at all...we had done a couple of outings as 'couples,' so I already knew him.<P>Cali

LindyL,<P>He deserves to know. If he knew before you, wouldn't you want him to tell you?<P>-AD

I think he has the right to know... I don't think it would be easy to tell him.<P>He probably already senses something... but can't put his finger on it....<P>scoick

I considered it for weeks, then let it go because it would be a LB.<P>Then, he called me (OW H) towards the end of May. I was going to move back home to Texas needing support after the D. My H decided to go too, so he could still see the kids. Movers were coming, notices put in at work etc. (I live in WA state.)<P>Then OW H calls me, a very sincere compassionate guy. Tells me he hears from a family friend that OW was planning on finding her kids bio dad, signing away custody and following my H to Texas.<P>WHOA!<P>I confronted H, and he dropped her immediately. The fog dissapated quick! A week later we reconciled and stayed here because I do love this state.<P>Anyhow, my advice is to be prepared for the consequences if you call. You may find out the truth about her, and by telling your H he may change his mind (like mine did.) Or worse case, its a LB, now your the bad guy, and her H may come after yours.<P>Think about it carefully.<P>Dara

Hi,<P>In my case, I called the OW's H because I thought he already knew about the affair. My XH was having his tires flattened at work, etc. so I naturally thought it was from the other H. I wanted to talk to him because my H at the time was telling me the affair was over, but I knew it wasn't and wanted to find out if the other H knew anything. Well, he didn't know a thing about my H and his wife (who had just become his XW) in the first place and boy was he angry. It was not a pretty scene since they all worked at the same place.<P>It didn't go good for me. H was fuming. News about it spread around the office. He left me within a couple weeks and moved in with her. But, he also quit that job and got a new one (which I insisted on when he was living at home), so that eliminated the office pressure on them both. He never looked back. I think they are now married but she didn't change her name, probably so that people at work don't give her static.<P>It's not true that exposing it to the light of day usually ends it. It ended our chances.<P>At this time, he has no conscience or regret about what he did to me or the kids, almost like he's in my face about his better life with her now. He doesn't care about anything that is happening to us here, it especially kills me that he has abandoned our children and is now making new ones with her.<P>It can go either way. I can't help but wonder if I hadn't called that man, whether the affair might have died silently and he would still have had "face" and been able to work with me on saving our marriage. Take care.<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: weirded out ]