Help i feel like i'm getting weaker and weaker and i feel like im dying inside. My stbx wrote me a very honest and sincere but somewhat unfeeling and cold letter..He told me the truth that he wanted to get an annulment only a couple of weeks after we got married.And he stayed married to me for the wrong reasons..And that he wants this all to be over so we can both start our own lives..I'm breaking inside so bad i don't know what to do it's so hard for me to believe that he didn't really ever love me all the letters he wrote me and cards saying he loved me..It's just to hard for me to convince myself that he was confused like he says and he never really meant it..I guess he doesn't want to be with me or love me..I just wish i could make him want to atleast try with a clean slate and see if we can start over again...But i guess i'm not the one for him...It's just to hard for me to accept that i don't want to be without him..I miss him so much and love him. I'm crying as i'm writing this all my counseling isn't helping me i just want my husband back..I want him to care enough to give me a chance..and our son a chance..I just don't want him to give up on us..I don't know what to do nothing is helping

JCM,<P>I know you are really hurting now, but it will get better. My W says the same kind of things - that she never loved me, didn't want to marry me etc. etc.<P>We can make it through.<P>Take care of your son. Hold him tight. He's a precious gift and he needs you. You have to be strong for him.<P>I don't know if I'm helping here - but I'm thinking of you and your pain.<P>-AD

I just don't want to give up..But i guess i have to i have no other choice in the matter..His mind is made up and he is so cold treating me like i'm just an aquaintence..Some that he really doesn't know..Why is he being this way..Will he ever change

Hi, JCM,<P> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] My husband says the same kind of things about me now even though we were one of the most loving couples among our relatives and friends. He wrote me many many love notes before as well. In fact, he was singing "From this moment" to me four times just a week before he decided to turn on me. He is very screwed up. My marriage no longer makes sense to me. I am still in plan A, but I don't know how I can win the heart of someone who is dellusional? I don't know what kind of sin makes a person turn like this. I was so loved by him and than one day I was dropped like an orange in a supermarket that just isn't good enough anymore. I am very hurt though I try very hard to be brave. It is so hard to stick around and take this kind of abuse, but I am very sure of what a wife's role is in God's eyes. I am living each day by His grace. My days are sustained by my and other's prayers. I pray that God's grace and mercy be with you too.

I was married 23yrs and when WS left for other man I heard all the same things, I married you for wrong reasons we should have never been married and all that, why would you stay married so long if you didn't love someone, or why would they marry someone they didn;t love??? this sounds like he is in deep fog. You take care of yourself and keep moving forward. Why would you want someone who doesn't want You?????

((((((((((((((jc's mommy))))))))))))))))))<P>Probably everyone here has heard those exact words said to them...not good huh? They must read a book called Leaving Your Spouse For Dummies, cos they all spout the same crap.<P>And it IS crap...they say these things to make themselves feel better, less guilty, and give them a reason to go, because most of the time these people are unhappy in their lives, and they need something or someone to blame it on.<P>Did I ask before, have you seen a doctor...you sound so, so low and you may be in need of some anti-d's to help you get by.<P>We have all been where you are right now...there are stages we all go through in this process, and you are right there at the start. It WILL become easier to cope with and you will begin to feel stronger.<P>Read all the Plan A stuff you can, and really try to look after yourself for the sake of that little one.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

To JC's Mommy:<P>I know exactly how you feel. Been there. And so have many others on this forum.<P>Why did your H stay in the marriage for so long? Because he was using you. That is what most adolescents who lack maturity do. Life is focused on them. This guy is headed down the path of regret and misfortune. It may not be evident now, but it will come. <P>The best thing that you can do for yourself now is do what is right. Take care of yourself and your child. Get your focus off of your H and move on. When and if the time comes, be open to a real man coming into your life.

HI JC's_Mommy, I surely don't feel qualified to give advice but I do know how you feel. My H told me In July he never loved me etc, almost word for word what you said. Total crap. Even now he has taken it back although we aren't together. His friends even called him to tell him how full of crap he was. This is the only way I got through that, wondering if I had been living in a dream, but then having real people tell me NO it did happen. And re-reading letters he sent me. And I showed the letters to him and he didn't want to read them, it came down to he had "forgotten" it all. Forgotten how he felt, forgotten what he had done etc. He is still totally lost, scares me sometimes. Says he just might not be cut out for marriage etc. I don't know how long your situation is going on but I know that what it comes down to for me is making sure I know I've done everything. To an extent I've stopped arguing and fighting him on his decision, mine may be more flaky than yours at this point though. Basically I've stopped being the enemy in his eyes. If anything was working fully for me I would be the first to jump up and say "do this". But I've found that realizing I didn't imagine our love and he is the one who is "lost" helps. And trying to keep the love alive inside me has to be the hardest part, not the constantly giving and giving to him. Its continuing to want to give that is the hard part. I'm even a counselor myself and can't say I know how to counsel myself, but I would tell anyone to do what you think is right, not what you "feel" is right. And make sure you don't leave it with regrets that you could have done more, tried harder. I'll say a prayer for you myself, it seems to work for everyone but me I've found [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]