I'm starting Plan B. Even though I told my H the reasons why I was going to avoid contact with him, he still didn't understand. I'm hoping this letter will explain.<P>I want to give it to him tomorrow but I would appreciate any comments,etc. I have it saved so it can be easily edited.<P>Thanks to everyone and I promise this is my last attempt at writing a Plan B letter. <P> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] pp<P><BR>Dear (H),<P>I&#8217;ve written to you many times in our relationship. Mostly when things are strained between us and it is too hard to face you. This is probably the hardest of all letters I have ever written because it will end my relationship with you for now. I can no longer accept the fact that you live under the same roof with someone you have slept with. I just can&#8217;t block it out anymore. You say I&#8217;m making more out of it than there is but when you say you don&#8217;t know if you love her or not, it is clear that you are more than roommates. This is just like many other times where your words and your actions don&#8217;t tell the same story. I have always told you I only wanted the truth, not matter how much it might hurt me. Being lied to on purpose hurts more than anything, even if you are just holding back to try to spare my feelings. <P> I need to break away from this so I can keep some of my self-esteem and pride. I simply cannot be in your life while you are still involved with her. If you move out of there and agree to never have contact with her again, I will gladly open my heart to you again. I want to make you happy but I cannot totally sacrifice all that I believe in to do it. I just can&#8217;t go along with what you are doing anymore. It isn&#8217;t right. It isn&#8217;t healthy for me. I have to find a way to get over my feelings of love for you and move on. <P>As we discussed Saturday, I have tried and tried not to let your words and actions convince me that there is hope for us. However, because I love you so much and I want to be with you more than anything, I continue to get my hopes up about the possibility that you want me to be in your life. Then, when time passes and you have not made any efforts to work on our marriage, I just feel more disappointed and upset. <P>The pain and disappointment is becoming to hard for me to bear. It is clear to me that you want to be with me on some level but don&#8217;t know how to keep me happy and have your single & uncomplicated life too. The past 9 months have been quite a rollercoaster ride. They have been filled with hope and disappointment, joy and tears, fun and sadness, love and anger. <P>Saturday, I realized that I could no longer continue like this. Right now, I can&#8217;t just be your friend. I&#8217;m not trying to hurt you or to punish you. I just need space and time to detach myself from you emotionally. I don&#8217;t see any other way.<P>Until you end your relationship with OW and move out of her house, I will limiting my contact with you as much as possible. I will try to have kids dressed and ready in the mornings if you want to continue to take them to school. I will write you notes that the children can give you about any upcoming events that affect the children or leave you voice messages.<P>I hope you can respect my decision. This is not what I want but since I can&#8217;t have what I want, I have to find a way to continue living. It will be easier on me if you also try to limit your contact with me. I can only beg for your cooperation. Please help me find a way to get over you. <P>I still love you and I still pray you will agree to marriage counseling so we can try to build a new marriage together. However, as long as you are living under the same roof as OW, I cannot allow you to be part of my life. <P>Enclosed is a calendar marking your visitation. Please try to explain to the children why you are not coming home. I do not have an answer for them. They need to understand that you did not leave because of them and that you love them. I have tried to explain it to them but they still have questions, which I can&#8217;t answer. Love them enough to tell them the truth.<P>If you want to talk to me about our relationship, I will listen but until you have ended your affair, there is no hope for our marriage to be rebuilt. <P>Please respect my decision to live without contact with you. Write or call me when you are ready. Please don&#8217;t think I&#8217;ve given up on our marriage forever. I just don&#8217;t see any reason for me to continue on trying to be your friend or wife when you are choosing to live with another woman. I hope you try to understand my feelings.<P>Your wife,<P>Well, what do you think?????<P>I know it is too long but it doesn't seem so bad on paper. I've always been too wordy. Anything and everything anyone could suggest will be welcomed, good or bad. I need help!

Pleaser<BR>Do you have a copy of Plan B letters that others have written? If you would like to compair, there is information and guidelines to follow on plan B letters, "most memorable posts". This may help. I've read some of them and they usually start out with acknowledgement of your own part in the demise of the marriage. Anyway, read a few and see what you can get from them.<P>I know this is such a horrible time for you. I does sound as though this is the proper step.

Marry,<P>I kind of hate to admit it but I've already written several letters which go into get detail about my part in our marriage troubles(which I really didn't know existed). This letter wasn't intended to be a true Plan B letter by the book example because I have already been through all that stuff multiple times. ( I've posted a couple of letters here but I think some got zapped with the re-load)<P>Because I am so vocal and emotional, there is very little that my H hasn't heard. I don't LB often but I tend to get very upset and clingy. Another type of LB, I know.<P>Thanks for replying!

(((((((((((((((Lynn))))))))))))))))))))<P>I think the letter is fine. He needs this spelled out for him. I wish I could take away your pain, instead I will just send you lots of love and light.<P>Jacky

[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <BR>I think your letter doesn't show much resolve. It sounds almost pleading. Have you tried a confrontation? I think you are having trouble letting go of this marriage which is understandable because of the children. <BR>But you are very hurt by the current situation of seeing him with another woman. <BR>Have you tried forgiving him and understanding him? It might help you to let go. <BR>If you really want him back then you have to show him respect, say over and over that you respect him as the children's father, lay it on thick. But at the end of the day when he comes back, how are you going to feel? Will you be able to forgive him and not be angry about the past? <P>I really feel for you, you are in a difficult situation. Anna. <BR>I don't know what your husband is like, whether he is a good guy or not. If he's one of the former, try "Fascinating Womanhood" on him to get him back. If he is a sex addict and was cheating on you without any reason then try a confrontation or just accept that he is an addict, forgive him and understand that life with somebody like that is imposssible.<BR> [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I think you did great! Remember, there is no right and wrong way to do it. You expressed your love but told him to make a decision without lovebusting. Just remember to follow through with your words - you know actions speak louder than words. I am sorry you are here. You are doing great. Stay strong and keep posting.