Well guys,<P>Down I go AGAIN.<P>My H phoned the kids four times recently but couldn't get through. He left messages on the voicemail, which I just checked today.<P>1st call Sat. 7.28pm left a message<BR>2nd call: 7.31 pm "I'm going out now..."<BR>3rd call: 7.39 pm OOPS, pushed redial.....Guess who he was with. Chitter chatter blah blah blah. Didn't hear words clearly but it was her.<P>4th call doesn't matter.<P>Why am I hurt over this??? When I have given up on him? Maybe it is because I know that she was in MY house, probably slept in MY bed, (it was morning there), and she was listening to MY H when he was trying to ring his kids.<P> [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ October 15, 2001: Message edited by: Nina too ]

Nina,<P>It hurts because this is one monster roller coaster ride! <P>The feelings of the separation are still raw. It takes A LOT of time to completely heal from all of this! You need to remember, you just left a few months ago. Let the feelings happen!<P>(((((NINA)))))<P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks Mitzi,<P>That was quick....<P>I was doing really well until today.<P>I hate him, well he got his wish.<P>Jacky

Nina,<P>It hurts because you can't believe that someone you loved so much, could really be that out of tune with you.<P>You really question is he really that DENSE or is he just plain MEAN.<P>It is hard for you to comprehend that someone you were close enough with to create children would hurt you in a way that you wouldn't even consider hurting a stranger.<P>Hang in there, It really will get better and even the hate will even out.<P>Good luck<P>-Kat-

Jacky,<P>If I had a dollar for everytime I said that I hated my ex, I'd be a very rich woman! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But even after all of the things I've been thru, I still don't actually hate him. I'm sure when it doesn't hurt so much, you'll feel quite the same. Sometimes it's hard to feel anything but anger, since that is an emotion we use to protect ourselves. It's easier!<P>Keep your chin up! <P>Mitz [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hmmm....<P>I feel so vengeful right now. I would love to send a flaming email but i know, I know, what good would it do? Still, he is getting EVERYTHING he wants, and I'm left here being treated as a NOTHING.<P>Tell me why I can't tell him where to go. Tell me why I can't let him know he is scum. Why can't I tell him how much he has hurt me, tell me why!

I'm right there with you on this one. I have said the "I hate him" words over and over. I just wish it was true. If it was, this wouldn't hurt so bad....<P>I do however, hate her. As the LeAnn Womack song says "I'll think of a reason later!"<P>Praying for you. Lynn

Nina,<P>For you own self worth is why.<P>Write it down, then rip it up....then burn it<P>Sometimes that feels really good too<P>-Kat-

I don't have any self worth left.

Nina,<P>Don't you dare let him take that from you.<P>I know if you look around your house somewhere, in the closet, maybe the cupboard, did you put it in the Cedar Chest.<P>SOMEWHERE in that place that you live is your backbone. Get it out dust it off and put it in.<P>YOU MY DEAR are a wonderful person and NO ONE can ever take that away from you.<P>Look in your childrens eyes and see the woman that they think is the best thing since sliced bread. Then come back and tell me you have no self worth.<P>-Kat-<P>oops sorry that was really strong..<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{NINA}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Nina,<P>I guess its time to return a hug or two.<P>(((((((((((NINA))))))))))))<P>I agree with Kat. You know if you give up, mainly on yourself, he has won. I want you to look at your kids. I was once one of those little guys looking at my mom so hurt and I had no idea what was going on. It got so bad that they literally tried to kill each other. Yes, what he has done is bad,cruel,evil what ever you want to call it but those kids are watching to see how you handle this. Those kids are the reason why you have a purpose on this earth. One day they will look at you and know how much you love them and how amazing of a woman you are. Stay strong. I know it hurts and you have every right to call him every name you can think of. His love may have wavered but your kid's love is bottomless. Do what you have to do to get that anger out. Then come back and take REALLY long deep breaths. You are such a strong and amazing woman. Look at what you did for me. I was at a point where no part of me wanted to live for another second and you gave me the strength and the wisdom to pull through. Get it out of you. Do whatever it takes. But remember you do have the ability inside of you to be a strong and incredible woman. Take care of yourself.<P>Brandon

Thanks guys, I have just run out of strength today. I feel like a NOTHING. What is bad for me too is my friend in SA knows OW well, and probably has known the progress of this thing better than me. I just wrote her an email telling her i just couldn't handle being friends with her now.<P>I know that will hurt her.

Jacky, <BR>You have every right in the world to feel angry, to want revenge, to hate him for what he's done. It's perfectly natural and human. But as others have said, don't let him do that to you! Don't let him make you stoop to that level, don't crawl down into the gutter just because he has. <P>No one can take away your self-respect or self-worth. You can only give them away.<P>If I were you, I'd pity the poor [censored]. Any sensible person realizes he's throwing away everything important in life - the love of a fine woman, the admiration of his children, and [eventually he'll have to realize] <I>his</I> self-respect - for a piece of tail. He's obviously insane. <P>The hurt you want to give him will come in good time- he's in the process of doing to himself, and he's not going to have anyone to blame it on but himself.

Nina,<P>This is probably going to sound pretty superficial.<P>I have found that a long Bubble Bath with a good book (usually one I don't have to think about to much while reading) with a cup of tea while in the tub does wonders.<P>Then Do my nails, my hair and give myself a facial.<P>Careful though cuz I have been known to chop off my hair in times of REAL stress....(going for that FINE I AM A NEW PERSON look)<P>Anyways, Pamper yourself, have a hot fudge sunday, pop some pop corn and put in a movie that YOU love (preferably one he hated) there is some satisfaction in mentally sticking out your tongue at him while you are watching it.<P>And know, that you only have YOU to please while he is struggling with guilt, the fog the OW and the rest of the world judging him.<P>Hug your kids, Hug yourself and remember YOU are a good person.<P>-Kat-

Laughing here,<P>Guess "dabigtrain" and I are on the same wavelenght with thoughs of that poor soul. Oh when he wakes up and realizes what he gave away.<P><BR>-Kat-

He never will wake up...I think they are very happy together. Sorry for being so down, and thanks guys, especially dabigtrain, who I know doesn't post much anymore.<P>Jacky

Jacky,<P>Just keep thinking...<P>AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH<P>TTPSB TTPSB TTPSB TTPSB TTPSB<P> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>ANNA

Hi,<BR>I am going through a divorce too. I am glad I found this site. I was really depressed up until today. Today, my sense of humour came back. Ex-husband is already getting married to somebody else although we are only separated. He lives in the Middle east. I don't feel bad today. I just make funny comments about them, esp. her family. She seems really dumb. It's catty but it makes me feel better and I see things in perspective. <BR>We got married in Dec 2000. He left for the middle east 1 month later. I went there 6 weeks ago and lasted 1 month and left when I found out he was unfaithful and was engaged to somebody. He denied it up until the last minute but I left the country. So now I know everything I was told was true. he was also meant to be engaged to 3 other women too. <BR>I think he had this girl on the side in case we split up so as not to lose face. She is very rich. <BR>I think now that I am too classy for him and he knows that and that's why he changed his mind about the engagement when I arrived in the country. He wasn't sure if I would come or not (we were apart 8 months). As you can guess our marriage was not very strong to begin with. <BR>He's been very *****y to me since I left during our phone conversations but I act very sweet and kind and told him 'all the best.' <BR>I was depressed but I am already thinking about the type of man I want to go after. I feel my soon-to-be ex lost his one-chance-in-a-lifetime to have someone like me. And he is the loser. He was already sounding wistful after his engagement party saying he had tried and I didn't give him enough time, he had alot of problems and so on. I cut him short and said I didn't want to rehash the past and I wished him well. <BR>He is a drug addict, an alcoholic and sex addict. <BR>So I think everything is a blessing really. The infidelity gave me an excuse to get out.<BR>It helps that I forgive him for everything, wish him well and understand that his hurtful behaviour is caused by his addictions. But I have goals and dreams and he frankly was getting in the way. He was dragging me down and as hard as it was in a sudden moment of lucidity I cut him loose. <BR>I am healing because I just feel he is marrying down from me and I just make fun of him in my head. <BR>I just wanted to post this because I really feel good for the first time in 20 days and I am looking forward to my life. <BR> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh Nina,<P>I wish you lived closer...where do you live by the way??? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <P>I am going through the same thing today. My H was here since Thursday, complicating our lives. He brought my daughter's van in for some work. He made some aweful, cruel remarks to me and then left for Memphis and OW. They are moving here next week into an apartment. (That I think is incredibly cruel!) But my feelings don't matter anymore if they ever did. Anyway, I called him last night on his cell phone to thank him for the car stuff. He was on the phone in his hotel room. He got off by saying...I am sorry, I have to go, I love you too. I couldn't even stay on the line. <P>He called me back a few minutes later and said he had been talking to his parents. Right. Why does it continue to hurt so bad. I have been in tears all night. Please God, get me out of this hole!!<P>Sorry...venting again...I am just so depressed tonight..<P>Anyway, take care...I know exactly how you are feeling. My self-esteem is gone too. I am barely hanging on. I just can't believe our future is gone. I am so lonely and empty inside. It is so hard to keep going on for the kids. I don't feel the paing lessoning...do you?

Hey Jacky,<P>I'm sorry this happened to you. I think I can only imagine being on the other end of something like that. Fortunately, I haven't seen OM since he came to town, nor have I called my W when he was there and heard his voice. But I know that would knock me for a loop. To hear then laughing together or talking earnestly about something...<P>Things are going a little better for me today, maybe it's some kind of law of nature - conservation of misery. If someone is more miserable, somebody else gets to be less miserable. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] If that's the case, I thank you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Let it go, let it slide, time heals all wounds etc. etc.<P>-AD