Hi, everybody,<BR>I just feel so upbeat and terrific for the first time since I left my husband. He was having multiple affairs and is soon to be married. I just understand him to be very cheap about marriage getting married to someone so soon. <BR>I wouldn't take him back for anything and I am already looking at other men. <BR>He is really cheap in my eyes and understand he is marrying his second choice because he hid this affair secret from me and revealed it only after I left. <BR>So I feel very good. I don't want somebody like that who has to make do with his second choice. I don't want him back.<BR>I am very gracious to him and this helps me to get on with my life. <BR>He is just not very important to me right now.<BR>He had many social problems brought on by his addictions and that is also a great plus that I am divorcing him because I am getting rid of the stigma of being married to somebody like that. <BR>I need somebody who makes me laugh and has a great personality and my ex was the opposite. He really took himself too seriously and had an inflated ego of himself. That kind of man has no sense of humour. <BR>That is the litmus test with me in the future. If the guy can't laugh at himself, then I don't want him. Addicted men are deep in denial so they can't see themselves as fools sometimes as we all are now and then. <BR>So I am snapping out of it, and accepting that all these things happened for a reason. The infidelity was meant to happen so I could leave him and because fate has somebody better for me. I shouldn't fight it and I don't want to. <BR>I am a great person and I like myself. He lost me. And the fact that I am so sweet and kind to him during this separation and he is very defensive and bitter shows me that I can never admire someone like that anyway and I can't stay in a marriage with someone I don't admire.<BR>By forgiving him I rise above him and see him as he really is, a very troubled person.<BR>But I wish him all the best, good luck, a good life and secretly thank him that he got rid of himself for me! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by MsAnna:<BR>[QB]Hi, everybody,<P>I wouldn't take him back for anything and I am already looking at other men. <P><BR>Dear MsANNA,<P>Just be careful that you dont jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.<P>Take care now.<P>Randy

MsAnna,<P>It is good to hear that you are getting on with your life and that you feel good about yourself. This is a very important step. From what you have said you probably will be better without him.<P>I do have some advice that comes from my experience. Give yourself some time after your divorce before you start dating anyone. A year is the usual suggested time frame. This will give you the time and space you need to grow even more confident of yourself and to recover from the pain of your marriage. Take the time to get your pursue your interests, make friends and enjoy yourself. Usually an entire year is needed to recover.. it's as though we have to live through every anniversary, holiday, etc to reclaim them as ours. If you do this, then when you do start to see other men, you will be so much healthier.<P>Z

I agree with the others....take a little time out of the dating scene and take care of YOU!<P>Most of the people on this site who've started dating again would all say....they wished they had waited a bit longer or glad that they did wait. <P>Even tho you are feeling great,you need time to decompress from your marriage. <P>Just my opinion.<P>Also, read Dr. Harley's concept on the "Buyer and Renter" in relationships (on this page, about 1/2 way down...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8115_prob.html" TARGET=_blank>Buyer & Renter Info</A>). It pretty much describes what you said about your H.<P>Aloha,<BR>Ms.O<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: Ms.O ]