I wonder if anyone else feels the hopelessness of facing divorce that I do. My husband and I are separated and have hit the fork in the road that looks hopeless either way. Life with him (he doesn't really believe in MB philosophy because he's very selfish)or life alone. When I look at a life ahead without him it looks less stressful but much more lonely. I have figured out that the majority of available men (in their 40's) out there fall into one of the following categories:<BR>1. Left his wife and family.(A quitter?!?)<BR>2. His wife left him. (Too many LBs and no ENs?!?)<BR>3. He never married. (By 40 . . . ?!?)<BR>4. A widower. (There's hope)<BR>Without going into detail, I think you get the picture. Does anyone else see it that way? Where does one meet an honest, family oriented, responsible man?

L4A,<P>You left out a few options in your men category. <P>5a. He is a nice guy and his W cheated on him. (perhaps a situation you can sympathize with.)<P>5b. They simply grew apart and there was nothing really wrong with either of them except their career demands.<P>THere are more options but you get the point.<P>The world is not as hopeless as you think. I would also offer one thing to consider. If you read this site much, you see that most people realize how they failed their marriage and become much wiser people. Therefore, potentially much better mates.<P>People do learn from their mistakes and others.<P>So don't be down about your future. Just see if there is something you can do about the present.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

I agree. L4A, There are a lot of great guys out there and many are available for the same reasons mentions by Just Learning. Keep your chin up and remember that "your glass is half full" always. I know that you might be a bit discouraged but give it time.

Thanks for responding! And for the words of encouragement!<BR>My concerns about 5a. and 5b. are:<BR>wouldn't a "good catch" suggest and participate in counseling or make the necessary changes to correct any problems? As I've learned on MB, there are many ways to overcome marital problems, especially when a couple just grows apart. It seems the end comes when one partner totally checks out or gives up. Any man I would have respect for would not check out or give up (unless it is one of the rare cases where abuse is involved). Am I wrong?

You know what? If ever I find that I want to be with another man, I will be bringing him STRAIGHT here to learn all this stuff. I have said this before....ALL engaged couples should be MADE to do a MB course.<P>Love and light<P>Jacky

L4A,<P>I would have to agree that there are many more varieties of men. I'm in JustLearning's catagory 5a and have fought hard to save my marriage, but, as I told my W ... if she divorces me, it would be at least 3 years before I would marry if I ever did. A year to heal and 2 years to get to know somebody - not that I think it would go by some neat schedule [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img], and I don't really expect it.<P>I think you have to prepare as if you would spend your life unmarried. Learn to be happy with that. Hey, it's not so bad and has many advantages. Get out and see some friends, travel a little as you have time and can afford it. Just enjoy life alone. Do some of those things you never had time to do. Invest in yourself. That is not a no-win situation. You might be surprised at how good it feels to be untangled from the struggles of a bad marriage.<P>I don't remember your situation. Do you have kids?<P>Nina too (Jacky),<P>My W and I read HN/HN before we married and did the surveys. One of my mistakes was in misuderstanding the policy of joint agreement. In POJA, you must stand up for yourself too. Don't give in to anything you don't enthusiastically agree with. I was too passive, gave too much of "whatever you want" to W. When you disagree, you have to say so, for your own integrity. My W never enthusiastically agreed to apply POJA - so I guess that means ???? what ???. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<P>-AD

I thought there would be no hope either and it would be hard to find any good woman out there for the same reasons you listed. Duh I was wrong. I found out that people divorced for all kind of reasons some i agree they needed to divorce where there was abuse, others i don't understand just like mine. The one thing I am learning is there are many great divorced woman out there, and for the life of me I can not figure why some of there husbands would not want them.