Helpme<BR> I've been there and know how it hurts. Your whole world as you knew it is gone (for me anyway). I felt so many things at once, all I wanted to do is puke! When I wasn't crying and asking the infamous question, "What am I going to do?" I wondered what she was doing, like forgetting about her husband and kids - living life as if she were single or what, throwing away the 8 (then) years of marriage with 2 children. We didn't say much the rest of the day when she told me she wasn't happy & wanted to divorce. <BR> We've always been very honest with each other and when I tried to talked about us she just didn't want to (that's another story in itself) but I needed to find the root of the problem. If you feel the timing is right bring it up, or try to reserve a time when you both feel up to talking.<BR> Coming to this forum made the all difference in my relationship. I read MANY other postings here, learned about "lovebusters" and fed from those. When I finally posted my (hopeless) situation, I received so much helpfull advise, but at that time, nothing seemed helpful! One thing that was consistent, was to MAKE myself feel better. Do things that makes YOU feel good and happy, something simple like getting a new hair style etc...Keep busy with the kids and try not to fall into the "I'm so miserable, everything's upside down and what am I going to do" rut. You basically have to push the hurt away and focus on POSITIVE energy. "the cup is not half empty, it's half full." Realisticly, do you enjoy being around someone that's miserable, unhappy and never smiling or laughing? I looked at myself and SAW that with me. It's so hard to push away the hurt when everything around you - your world - reminds you of your spouse and unpleasent situation.<BR> There are givers & takers, I WAS a taker. I changed that whole thing by being a giver...... and not a servant. No begging, pleading and being "needy" but being sure of YOU and your happiness. I gave so much over the next few months, and it didn't seem to be doing anything, nothing, physically or mentally. Remember to be positive and cheerful. People enjoy being around/with positive and cheerful. That's what helped me open the line of communication. When you finally open that mature line of communication you'll begin to feel better. <BR> Be strong within (avoid begging, pleading and being needy) and for your kids. I started to take mine to church (I've never gone before) and we'd take off for the day to have fun but I couldn't get her off my mind. She'd ask the kids what we did, all I'd say is "we had a blast". When we were going somewhere, I'd mention to her, "You're more than welcome to come." and leave it at that, although she wouldn't go with us. I guess in time she felt abit left out and started showing some interest. Eventually she'd go here and there with us, I think for the kids she did at first. Thereafter she discovered we can still have fun and I still make her laugh.<BR> It has been a LONG rough battle through all those feelings and hurtful words I've heard come out of the most important person in my life. I too was at the point of taking my own life, but my children need me as I need them. Yes, I need my children. They remind me of the simple things that are essential and overlooked by so many couples.<BR> I'm very happy to say that my wife and I have worked through the lowest point of our relationship and it IS stronger that it's ever been! Find and keep the line of communication, trust and honesty.<BR> OH!!!! COURTSHIP! YES, even after 8, 10, 20 or 50 years! Courtship should always be in your relationship. I wish I knew that before learning the hard way! Never stop courting the one you love!<BR> I hope after muttling through my rambling you find something helpful! Keep smiling, be positive, and ensure the happiness of your children as well as for yourself!<P>chance

thanks for your story chance I hope mine ends as happly but not from where we are now thank you again <P>LMS (helpme)<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday

Chance,<P>You sound like some great guy. You're advice is great. <P>Thanks<BR>Theressa<P>LMS,<P>I hope you are feeling better soon. Hang in there. I was told when I separated from my husband the following, and I know its true.<BR>"You can be bruised but you are not broken".<P>I hope this helps, take care<BR>Theressa

Thanks Theresa,<BR>I honestly believe the courtship thing! If people didn't allow the courtship to fade from their relationship, the snowball effect (one problem compounding another other, and so on....) wouldn't begin.<P>Hmmmm. Why couldn't I figure all that out way back when, before going through all that pain?! I plainly didn't know, and I credit it all to my child life, the most impressive time of life. I never saw anywhere in my family not to mention being raised by a single parent who never remarried. Oh well, lifes a ***** but it's what you make it out to be.<P>chance

double post deleted<p>[This message has been edited by Alice (edited August 11, 1999).]

oooops, I thought I stopped the 1st post before it sent. =)

thanks to both of you guys and chance dose sound like a really nice guy!<BR>well I told him I loved him and if this is what it takes for him to be happy again then I'll give it freely, but left a thread that if he changed his mind that we would datefor a while then remarry and I told him with out a doubt there would be NO bed tag. <P>hey I think I'm startin to deal with all of this ok. <BR>yeah I'm going to be ok thanks guys<BR>LMS<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday