I read a lot of ladies talking about the need to be thin to be attractive to their mate. Well, thinness maybe the hangup of many men, but for me (and I am thin) enthusiasm and funloving are the key ingredients to getting up and at it. Tease a little, play a little, get creative, and some good dirty fun. Love making should be FUN. It's like desert, you don't need it to survive (except for the occasional baby), but who in their right mind cann't say "mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm gooooood!" and lick their lips.

Actually thinness is the hangup of many women! All those Fashion Magazines, Catalogs and such.....The fact is that most men don't care, it is about the how enthused the woman is, as you say. Looks come second, when it really comes down to it. The same thing applies to both men & women, if your fat, thin, or medium, there is always someone out there that is gonna like it!<BR>Manufacto

reading that made me feel really good. i have a wonderful and loving husband...i've been married for a little less than a year, but i've gained weight lately and haven't felt attractive. he says i'm still beautiful, but not feeling that way, i haven't been as interested in sex as i used to be. that combined with how stressful his job has been has definitely cut into our sex life. but reading that you guys still find us attractive makes me want to go upstairs right now and jump him. thanks.

what men find attractive is quit broad, no pun intended. none the less, there are limits. as dr. harley writes, one of mens' most important emotional needs is an attractive spouse. he also points out that excess weight is one of the most frequent detractors, even into later years.<BR>i find some women carry excess weight better than others, meaning the weight is distrubted such that the woman remains shapely, that is, the hour glass shape only bigger. some women gain all the weight in the hips and for me that's ok too, up to a point, and i'm pretty much into to hips. some women gain it all in the breast and stomach. i'm less tolerate of this type. the big stomach is a real turn off for me, and that's not to mention how is incumbers the act itself. my w gained most of the weight on her stomach. it gets in the way, she can't actively participate and hinders her breathing. i'm not saying some excess weight is a problem but there are definite limits. i've told my w i resent her gaining so much weight and the expense of our sex life. i compare it to how a woman expressed resentment to her h because he smoked so much he became impotent so they can hardly ever have sex. she felt he prefered smoking to sex with her.

I can't believe you can resent your wife b/c she gained weight. What happens when you start loosing your hair,start getting wrinkles, but starts to sag - is it okay if she starts to resent you for that? If you really love somebody you should love them for who they are, not what they look like! If you start telling her that you resent her for gaining the weight it will only make it worse. She will start to resent you for being so superficial. I have a question what kind of shape are you in? Are you totally in shape with a nice hard abdomen? To compare it to smoking is ridiculous as well, the two don't even compare. You also have to realize when women age thier bodys metabolism slows down much quicker than men and it is harder to loose weight, especially if they have had children. If you start treating her like that it will not come off, you have to be supportive and not negative, because she will only resent you for it. She has to loose the weight for herself, not for you. I suggest you look at yourself and see what you can improve - I doubt you are a perfect hard body, and ask her if she would like do it together.<P>

Although my H and I are going through a really rough time now; he still says that I look like the same woman he married 16 yrs ago. Wich is really a sweet thing to say because I am 40 lbs heavier. Saying things like that can be a real ego booster to a woman because it is true it is hell losing those lbs after 30.

this topic touches a sensitive nerve in many people. i've posted simalar topics and so often i get this same sort of responses, e.g., <BR>am i in perfect shape<BR>what whould i do if the shoe were on the other foot<BR>my h/w gained wight and i still love them because i love the person.<BR>what about when i loose my hair<BR>i should help her loose the weight<BR>what have i don't to cause her to gain weight<BR>i shouldn't complain about the weight, it'll only make it worse<BR>i'm a victim of the medias' fixation with skinny people.<BR>women are victims of the medias' fixation...<BR>i should be thankful, nows that's more to love<P>i could go on and on.<BR>i agree to some extent with several of these well worn responses, and other.<BR>no, i'm not in perfect condition, but i do get compliments. but that's not my point. she doen't have to be in perfect condition and neither do i.<BR>i can hardy prevent the lose of my hair but would use that stuff to make it grow, if i needed it.<BR>besides, women are not as concerned about a mans' appearance. haven't you read dr. harleys list of 10 most important emotional needs? having an attractive spouse is one of mans' most important emotional needs but is not ranked high as a women's emotional need. i didn't make this up.<BR>i find many skinny women attractive and many somewhat over weight women attractive. i like the fluffy feel of a woman with some extra weight.<BR>i love my wife, for the person/woman she is. i do not care for the excess weight for the reasons i detailed in my earlier posts.<BR>i'm happy for all the men that claim to like fat women and who knows, since there are so many of you someday there may be a serious national following and a real beauty contest.<BR>i wonder when we'll start seeing fat manikins in store windors or when we'll have wet tee shirt contest so women, and men might show off their bellies.<BR>you men that love fat women are lucky in that there are so many of them and they are frequently alone and easy.<BR>i'm not writting this to hurt anyones feelings but i know it will. this is just a fact of life. it's the same for short men. i'm 5'6", that's short and i know women perfer a taller man. of course there are exceptions but it's generally true. <BR>ok, have at it.

What I was trying to point out to you is that if you talk to your wife negatively about her weight she is not going to loose it. What have you done positively with her to help her out? Anything? Another thing is do you compliment her on anything else or do you harp on her weight? <BR>I have never had a weight problem in my life, but my H has in the past and by being supportive and telling him I will still love you if your overweight, its not what is on the outside. <BR>Sure they say having an attractive person is a high need on the list for a man - but being overweight doesn't mean you have to stop being attractive. If you have somebody making you feel like crap b/c you are overweight then that will make you feel bad inside and that will be projected in your attitude. <BR>There is one thing you have to realize negative comments only make it worse not better. As well, your wife will have to loose the weight for herself not for anybody else, b/c if she doesn't want to do it for herself it won't happen.<BR>

fed up, you're preaching to the pope on this. when was the old saying, you'll attract more bees with honey than you will with vineger, coined?, a million years ago. come on fed up, can't you tell me something original or interesting?

My two cents. I agree with both posts to a certain degree although I have to say I agree more with Frankie. I don't expect my husband to have a "perfect" body and he doesn't. A few extra pounds doesn't bother me, nor does it turn me off. Being extremely heavy does though and I know if I were to ask my husband that question about my self he'd have the same answer. I work hard to keep my 5'2" petite frame. I watch my diet and I work out regularly. I do it for myself but ALSO for my husband. He's a wonderful partner and I know he's proud to have an attractive wife. I want him around for as long as I can and part of being a good partner is taking care of yourself so you can be there for each other. My husband and I have very good communication between us and because of that the intiminacy follows right behind it. Not only does he stimulate me for the person he is inside, but for the person he is outside too. (I hope I'm explaining this right). There are times when I've put on a few extra pounds and I communiate this with him. The next day he'll have my lunch packed and I notice the cheese is off of the sandwich, or fruit replaces crackers etc...It's his way of hearing me and helping and I appreciate it. <P>All this babbling means a few extra pounds I don't even notice, a large weight gain where it gets in the way of the activities that my husband and I love to share together would upset me. It takes away from "us" and that would be a selfish act.