BillBailey, Now known as (almost there)<P>So many of us liked your idea of a new forum just for people coping with being forced to move on. We all have our different reasons of why we must move on, but we all respect that at times each of us may have to make those decisions due to our spouses continued behavior.<P>So here's a thread just for all those who have found it necessary to try to move on with a new life. It's not an actual forum but we can make suggestions to each other on ways to cope with and deal with our decision. Or just post how things are going with trying to move on. <P>Even, if a person is not positive they want to move on, or if they are sure they still want to try to make their marriages work, I hope we can all post on this thread, because of what we are all going through, we all deserve to find ways to at least make us happy and keep us busy in the mean time.<P>So any suggestions out there on how to cope with life during and after divorce are very welcome from all.<P>As the first poster on this thread, BB, I would like to suggest to you, one way I am finding that helps me to move on is exercising, walking or swimming. It's a great way to relieve stress. Is there something you are doing just for you? <P>Take care BB,<P>ANNA<P>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]<p>[ October 23, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Good Grief! I'm so honored! <P>I know that some people have a problem with the concept of Moving On, but I also know that there are those of us who really need a place to go - and haven't found it anywhere else. We probably came to this site initially because we were in denial, part of the grief process, and wanted so desperately to find a way to recover our relationships.<P>We are the ones who were not even given a chance to Plan A or B - the decision was taken from us. We were not given a voice in the decision to divorce. <P>I'm sure this is strange to some of you, and believe me, it came as a total shock to me, because we normally think of a divorce as something that occurs after we've tried to work out our problems and failed. And after 22 years of marriage, you figure you've got it licked and you're looking forward to that empty nest. Empty. Yeah.<P>I'm working with a great therapist, trying to learn how to treat myself with more respect. It's a long sad story, and I'd never have believed it, but I turned into my mother and married my father. Unfortunately, my mom has passed on so I can't talk to her - and it's kind of awkward talking to my dad, who did the very same thing to my mom that has just been done to me. Too weird.<P>Anyway, Mom made it. Mom was strong - once she got rid of 185 ugly pounds. And I will be, too. It's just gonna take some time. I don't know how long it takes to stop wanting to hurt him (I won't do anything phsical), but I guess when I don't think any of those thoughts for 30 minutes, I'll be on the road to recovery.<P>I didn't expect to end up writing all of this - what I really planned to say was thankyou, because I was ready to stop coming in here - because it makes me want to hope that maybe I was wrong, maybe there's still a chance. I had a horrible denial session with myself a couple of days ago and unfortunately tried to beg him (again) to go to counseling with me. It was rather humiliating and I've promised myself never again. <P>I guess I'll have to keep coming back now - and just stay away from the messages that make you think there's still hope - when there isn't.<P>Well, good grief AGAIN. Thanks for listening. I think that's the most important thing about this site. My H moved me to this little bitty town 10 months ago - and a month ago said adios. I only have one real friend here and I worry about wearing her out with my sad tales. Ya know?<P>Thanks. I really appreciate the ear.<BR>Teresa

I never had a real chance to plan A or plan B and I still resent not having a say. I was one of those who thought everything was ok untill the day I came home and found a letter telling me how she was living a lie and had to leave, shortly after I found she was in another town living with OM, I went through all the stages of grief took the antidepressants, went to the therapist for months, and bargained with god, i finally surrendered and realized that I had to move on for my own sake, I could no longer hold on to something that wasn't there, after almost a year I still hurt, dread the thought of the holidays fast approaching, yet I know I will survive, this site has helped me to understad better and has helped me forgive some and helped me look at myself, I plan to continue here so I will be better in the future and can us the mb principles in new realationships

Well all not really sure that I belong here either. But do think I am preparing for the worst case senerio<P>Talked to my boys about the fact that H is eventually going to leave. They both said they knew.<P>They feel angry that he came into their lives, said he was their friend....then looks like he is going to desert them just like their father did.<P>But that is not what this is all about....this is suppose to be moving on .<P>Made a list today on things I am going to do for myself.<P>Try and quit smoking....(that one might be tough)<P>Excersice...love them endorphins<BR>Get a job - Money would be a good idea if he is gonna leave<BR>Quit sitting home and waiting for him to do something with me.<BR>Maybe join some kind of club or activity.<P>anyways is a start to a new life.<P>-Kat-

I have to answer to this one...<P>I never had a real chance to plan A or plan B. He(ws) had his mind made up.<BR>As my therapist said to me (cause I'm always trying to figure this out) a major decision was made on your life and you had nothing to say about it.<P>I too thought I had a happy marriage... he even mentioned 1-2 months before his affair started that he was very "happy, content with my life"... so what the heck happen???<P>Like I have said so many times before... I was thrown in the garbage like a worn out pair of tennis shoes....<P>Now the hard part is the coping skills... some days I seem to skip through the day... then I see his number on the caller ID and get angry. I tell the kids to pick up the phone.... believe me, I'm not too nice to him when I do pick up the phone... usually I just say "what". I'm always disappointed in myself for my behavior...but I refuse to be his "friend"... that is what he wanted... oh yes,... he was going to live in the neighborhood, come over for dinner, holidays and birthdays.... I asked him what he was smoking !!! Why I ask myself would I want a friend that would S**T in my face. I did say... oh, are you going to bring your girlfriend and the BBQ sauce.<P>My main thing that I always want to know is... How long till I get over this bitterness,anger and yes I still get quite sad at times. (I had a major melt down about 2 weeks ago). I mostly listen/talk to people who have "been here" . Most say "it just takes time... about 5 years and you'll know and when you do, you will feel so much better" I must admit that I always wonder when my "time started"... I've been told that it was most likely when the divorce was final.... due to the fact I always thought he would come out of the "fog" and want me again.... but no dice.<P>I have taken up bike riding....and I must quit the shopping sprees..(temporary happiness). I started back to school last fall... to further my education. Don't even ask me how I have done this... people I work with are amazed. but I keep moving...<P>Every night I pray for peace in my heart,soul and spirit. I also ask that I stop thinking of him and her together...etc..<P>I do have other advice... and I was given this advice by someone who has been here...<BR>You do not want to know the details of the affair or any info on the W**re. This is very true... I just found out the W**re has my name too.<P>When I have to talk to the Pig, I keep it business... I told myself... "no more daggers to my heart".... I think it would have been better had he just killed me and got it over with. Ya known, he never asked me to go hunting with him until the affair came out...hummmm ..I didn't go...<P>I've dated a few times... talk about weird... I feel like I have my shoes on the wrong feet... I never thought I would have been in the dating scene. I'm honest with my "dates" I want friendship, no committments. I don't think I'll ever get over this some days...I know I will and so will everyone else... I guess it just "takes time". I don't know if I can put my heart and soul into another and what if this would happen again. I have had someone hurt me in a way... but I now know you shoudn't date toooo soon. <BR> <BR>I know I'm rambling etc....but it feels good to let it out... yes ... I think I could be burning out my friends... at least that is how I feel sometimes. <P>I had no choice, but I'm..."moving on"<P>Blessings,<P>Scoick

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by scoick:<BR><STRONG>My main thing that I always want to know is... How long till I get over this bitterness,anger and yes I still get quite sad at times.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's where I am - and everyone says Give yourself time!! It's only been a month!! But the pain is so incredibly fierce that sometimes you just don't feel like you'll live through it. If I didn't have my two wonderful kids to be responsible for, I really don't know what I would do when I get so down that I can't get back up.<P>What can you do to make the pain lessen? You can't turn off your thoughts - they won't stop obsessing. It makes me so angry that I know he's going to be with her this weekend - and he's still married to me. That is so wrong.<P>The only way I can deal with him right now is thru email. That voice and face have been so special to me for 24 years - and I can't just turn it off. Apparently he's been "leaving" me for about 10 years because he shows absolutely no remorse, no pain whatsoever. Like he can't stand to be around me or deal with me. Boy, that hurts.<P>When I saw your "signature", Scoick <BR> - good grief, we're almost twins!! I'm so sorry. I wish I had answers - but I can't even find them for myself. <P>I found several quotes in a book called "Women on Divorce", written by female writers, some divorced, some not, that I'm going to look up and share. They really really hit home.<P>Teresa

Hi everyone,<P>Well like most of you here, I think this is where I finally fit in. I was trying to do Plan A but now all there is since WS moved out is that I made this so easy for her. I guess the hardest thing to take like many others here is that here is a woman so dedicated and so in love with me, wanted so badly to get married and after only seven MONTHS of being married runs away with someone else. Man I don't know how to take that. How do I not feel that I was doing something so bad that I ran her away so quickly. I never once doubted her love or devotion to our marriage. Like many others, I didn't ever even get a chance to try to work on our relationship. After some talking she even admitted that what was wrong with us could/can be so easily fixed. She keeps saying that there was nothing wrong that I did but we just don't want the same things in life. I think after six years we know what each other wants and everything she made up was baseless and I showed her that. The most infuriating part is that she couldn't even tell me a reason even a bad reason why we can't work on this and get through it. She just ran away. Like someone else said its a huge ego crusher and you do feel like an old pair of tennis shoes thrown out. <P>I'm moving on but what choice do I have. Because of where I live I can't afford to live here by myself. SO that means quitting my job moving out of state and trying to find a job in a market where everyone is scared to hire. We do nothing wrong and we have to bare all the pain and trouble while WS is out honeymooning and living it up with someone who can support her. Where's the justice? Oh well I was just going to write a short response saying how much I like this thread and I guess I rambled.<P>Stay strong everyone.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goodguy:<BR><STRONG><BR>I'm moving on but what choice do I have. Because of where I live I can't afford to live here by myself. SO that means quitting my job moving out of state and trying to find a job in a market where everyone is scared to hire. We do nothing wrong and we have to bare all the pain and trouble while WS is out honeymooning and living it up with someone who can support her. Where's the justice? Oh well I was just going to write a short response saying how much I like this thread and I guess I rambled.<P>Stay strong everyone.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Brandon, <P>I'm glad to see you are moving on and not dwelling on the situation. You are one of the most stable, head on your shoulders people I've ever met. <P>Moving on does not mean giving up. You are still plan A'ing but you are also finding ways in the meantime to make yourself happy. You are not sitting on a pity potty moping around all day. (although, we all have to use the pity potty from time to time). [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I love seeing that with every day you are getting stronger and happier, you know that you want your wife back, but that if she doesn't come back, you can still be happy and not let this thing control you. I'm very proud that I am becoming your friend. When this is all said and done, you will know, you did your best to get her back. <P>I bet it is really frustrating, though, to have someone tell you that there is nothing you have done wrong. How do you change in plan A if someone tells you that?<P>From my understanding one reason Dr. Harley has people plan A is for those spouses who's EN's weren't met. You start meeting those EN's and you do this for 6 to 9 months to show them how much you've changed, that your change is stable and not on some whim. So, if you have to move into plan B, she will actually have something to miss when your gone. If no En's were met then what will they miss if you go in plan B, but in your situation meeting most EN's to begin with, then plan A must be very frustrating.<P>Take care friend,<P>ANNA<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

scoick:<P>Is your husband married now or just still dating? I think you can still plan A. I have to say this, I think if you don't want him back for what he's done to you then you still need A or B for yourself not for him, <B>but</B> if you do want him back, which deep down I think that is where all the anger and sadness is coming from, then I think you may need to Plan A for a while. I think you still can.<P>Plan A means try very hard not to LB. Talking ugly to him and so forth, is all Love busters. Even if you don't want this guy back, I am going to suggest to you that you plan A for the next three months (at least) you try to be so nice to him to the point that you feel like gagging. No more saying things like "What are you smoking or What are you on?" or answering the phone mad at him. Treat him with respect (even though he doesn't deserve it), compliment him, tell him how great he looks, write him a letter telling him how sorry you are things didn't work out for you two, tell him the things you loved about him and missed about him. Before you send this, post it on MB and get some reactions. No LB at all in this letter. In the letter only say things that would boost his ego. When you see him in person only say things that would boost his ego too.<P>You may be asking why do all this, you don't want the jerk back, he doesn't deserve your kindness. Well, you need to for yourself. You need to show him what kind of person he left. The true you. For your own sake you need to make him wonder if he made a mistake. Then if he ever wants you back and you just can't take him back, I think it would make you feel good to know you could of got him back. If you do accept him back that's good too. You can use the skills taught on MB and so can he. Also, if this doesn't work in getting him back, I think you will feel better about everything. I think some of this sadness of never having a chance will help. Heck I don't want my husband back, but the nicer I am the more he hates it, because the more it makes him see his own faults and not my faults. He loves it when I Love Bust, because then he can say, "Look what kind of woman she is boy am I glad it's over." Don't give your ex that priviledge.<P>I really truly think, you need to plan A for you.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jabber:<BR><STRONG>I never had a real chance to plan A or plan B and I still resent not having a say. I was one of those who thought everything was ok untill the day I came home and found a letter telling me how she was living a lie and had to leave, shortly after I found she was in another town living with OM, I went through all the stages of grief took the antidepressants, went to the therapist for months, and bargained with god, i finally surrendered and realized that I had to move on for my own sake, I could no longer hold on to something that wasn't there, after almost a year I still hurt, dread the thought of the holidays fast approaching, yet I know I will survive, this site has helped me to understad better and has helped me forgive some and helped me look at myself, I plan to continue here so I will be better in the future and can us the mb principles in new realationships</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Jabber,<P>How true. I think we all hurt at times no matter how much we are moving on. We just need to learn as many coping skills as possible. I think if for you, you needed to move on for your own health, then that's the best reason there is.<P>Take care guy,<P>ANNA

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by -Kat-:<BR><STRONG>Well all not really sure that I belong here either. But do think I am preparing for the worst case senerio<P>Talked to my boys about the fact that H is eventually going to leave. They both said they knew.<P>They feel angry that he came into their lives, said he was their friend....then looks like he is going to desert them just like their father did.<P>But that is not what this is all about....this is suppose to be moving on .<P>Made a list today on things I am going to do for myself.<P>Try and quit smoking....(that one might be tough)<P>Excersice...love them endorphins<BR>Get a job - Money would be a good idea if he is gonna leave<BR>Quit sitting home and waiting for him to do something with me.<BR>Maybe join some kind of club or activity.<P>anyways is a start to a new life.<P>-Kat-</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Kat,<P>WOW, that is a great list.<P>Of course you belong here! There is room for all of us on MB. We just have to realize though everyone in this forum is either close to divorce or divorced, it's really tough not to LB with each other sometimes. <P>Kat, I just love your list. I am going to start my own list today. I have a lot I need to do. BTW, by you moving on, if your marriage works out then, I think the list you came up with just may help that to happen. You list is going to do nothing but better yourself. Your husband may just see these changes and really like it.<P>Also, try nicorette gum!<P>Take care girl,<P>ANNA<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Teresa, AKA Ms. Bill Bailey,<P>I saved the best for last [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img], since I dedicated this to you, I wanted to post to you last.<P>You are so right, some of us no longer have that option to plan A. In a way I think I plan A'd 14 years of my marriage and just didn't know it. A lot of the concepts at MB I did most of my marriage. I think that is in partly due to do the things I was taught through Al Anon. Al Anon has a great program of bettering yourself. Although there are so many things that I could of used in my marriage. I do feel robbed of being able to use these. How can you plan A with a guy who says he may beat you up again?<P>Anyway, I think people should start moving on whether plan A'ing or not. I think there are things we can do to prevent the shock of plan A just didn't work. I think it's great to use some of Kat's ideas and to make list to make sure that if things don't work out, you won't be totally devastated by this. Such as Kat's list included getting a job. If she wasn't thinking in terms of moving on, she may have been putting herself in a really bad financial situation. Kat's plan of moving on I think includes continuing to plan A but also mentally preparing for the worse too.<P>I think it's great you have a good therapist. I think you will do it, just like your mom did, but because you have her as an example, you will even do it better than her.<P>Ok, here's the start of my list.<P>1. Get off my pity potty I've been on. <P>2. Spend less time on MB, I am spending to much time here.<P>3. Work out more than I am. <P>4. Get back to lap swimming, my most treasured thing I love to do.(which is also #3 too)<P>5. Find out what I want to be when I grow up and go for it!!!<P><B><I>Hey, Ms. Bailey, Schoik, Brandon, Jabber, and everyone I'd love to see your list on here too!</B></I><P>Bye for now lady,<P>ANNA<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Anna....<P>You must have been reading my mind. Yes, I think of swithching over to plan a instead of plan B**ch that I've been on. I never had said on nasty thing about my exh until he filed the papers.... nothing... in fact I never hung with people who bad mouthed their spouses because I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world...<P>I know Plan a would be better for me... I really think I would come to peace a bit quicker than the road I'm on now. <P>I have read many of your posts.... are you a professional counselor?... you have gift on giving info to people in a non-threatening manner..... I truly think you have been blessed!<P>Thanks for the suggestions....<P>Blessings,<P>s

Scoick,<P>That is so sweet of you to ask if I'm a counselor. No, I am not. I don't have the educational background or experience a counselor has.<P>For years I mainly did accounting. This is kind of a career I fell into. My husband and I had our own business, and so it was something I had to learn. Not really my choice in careers. <P>Before my children were born, I had a personal lines insurance solicitors license and worked for a leading insurance agency. Also, not a career by choice, just one I fell into. For the most part, I loved about being in insurance. However, I don't want to go back to insurance, because the hours are so strenuous and long. I am a mother first and a career woman second.<P>I have to admit I have thought of counseling as a career. I guess because helping people fulfills one of my EN's. I have had friends and family members tell me I should consider counseling, as well, and also a counselor that actually counseled me said she thought I had a gift for it. I am considering going back to school. If I do, I am either going to go into the computer field or become a counselor. I recently learned a data base language and I really enjoy it too. When, comparing the two choices, they may sound different but really they are very similar. The more conceptual abilities the person has the better they would excel in either of these careers.<P>Anyway, I have a lot to think about on what I want to be now that my life is changing so quickly.<P>Take care and thanks again!<P>ANNA<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

I will get to my list in a minute -<P>I've been doing tons of reading lately and most of it is about divorce, but also divorce from a woman's perspective. Go to the library - great stuff.<P>One of the things I really had a problem with was the idea that I had to accept responsibility for my part in the failure of my marriage. I really couldn't wrap my arms around that one. I never cheated. Heck! I'm trying to learn how to look! I did everything I KNEW HOW TO DO to have a good marriage: put my husband on a pedestal and treat him like a king. <P>The thing is, I guess somewhere along the way - probably after he'd already withdrawn -I learned that he didn't want to really really talk and I accepted his excuses that it was all stress from work. Sometimes its easier to let sleeping dogs lie. And maybe I did take the easy way. And maybe, later on, I did take my marriage for granted. Heck, you figure you've got it made when you make it 20 years!<P>The point is: I did what I knew how to do, which wasn't enough. How many of us get marriage training? Now there's a class that might be useful!!<P>I didn't know NOT to give up so much of myself that I probably became pretty boring to him. I don't even know who I am anymore, because I gave up so much of myself to be a good wife and mother. The ME part got left behind.<P>A lot of these divorce-help books make it sound like an adventure finding out who you are as a single person - and I'm starting to like the idea. I really am. I want to find out who I am, all by myself, without being an appendage or part of a couple. Just me. And maybe someday I might find another strong soul to share my life with. Maybe.<P>I'm absolutely sick to death of hurting so bad and I've decided that the only way to stop that is to get over it. I've grieved for 5 weeks and I'm tired of it. I want the pain to stop. I'm going to put all of that energy into ME and thinking good things about ME, which I have a very difficult time doing.<P>I'm sorry. I've really gone on and on - but I guess if there's a place to do it it's here in Moving On in the D/D forum!! Thanks for the ear!<P>My list:<BR>1. Smile more.<BR>2. Make eye contact with people.<BR>3. Think good things about myself everyday.<BR>4. Work on my study program to start a new career.<BR>5. Cut back - and ultimately quit smoking.<P>I'll work on my list - that's just winging it.<P>Okay, one last thing. Has anyone else noticed how you're hornier now that your bed is empty? Or is this just me sliding into that "prime-time" and he's gonna miss out??!!<P>t.

Ms. Bailey,<P>Sounds like you have made huge leaps to this new you in just a short time. You are an inspiration.<P>I can't wait to see how we do on our list of improvements in the next couple of weeks.<P>You go girl!<P>ANNA

I don't know that I've made huge leaps but I hope it's more than just being stuck at the top of the rollercoaster for a couple of days!!<P>I've actually had a couple of really really good days. I felt really good yesterday - like a human being again. I'm kind of worried that the reason was because my stbx has been out of town (business, and then with OW for weekend) - and I didn't have to worry about seeing him anywhere. <P>He's probably going to contact me tomorrow because the court says we're supposed to have an agreed temp support agreement to them by Tuesday (I'm going to talk to my lawyer before I talk to H)... and I know I'll have to see him Thursday evening because our daughter is being presented with an award.<P>We spent 3 years separated because of his job (before we moved here a year ago) where we only saw him every other weekend. I think it was really good practice because we're not suffering much over the loss of his presence.<P>But yes, I am feeling strong. I want to hold on to this feeling because it feels so good to feel normal again!

Anna...<P>I've been thinking about my list the past couple of days. I feel like I'm in the "stuck" mode lately....<BR>2years ago this week was D-day for me.<BR>I honestly think there is something wrong with me that I feel like I can't get beyond this. Maybe its the moon or something? I have no idea. Maybe even its my cycle... I think I should start to write these things down so that I can find a pattern somewhere.<BR>when I get in this mode I feel like I'm just doing what I need to get through the day. I honestly mean when I say that this whole affair thing came out of the blue for me... He told the OW he was unhappy... but not me... He said he "didn't want to hurt my feelings"... was it going to be easier for me this way... that he left me for someone else??? I guess atleast once a month I guess I get on the pitty pot... tears still come soooo very easily for me. I thought we shared everything in our marriage/lives... he had other "heavy flirtings" while away on business... I'm just shocked and can't get it out of my mind the things he said to me... nothing matched his actions during our marriage... always called me his baby... etc...etc... When he left, he never looked back .... It still breaks my heart to no end... I'm two years down the road since d-day... and as I type this I'm crying.... I jsut try so hard to figure allllll of this out... was I so blind??? stupid, thats what I think...stupid !!<P>So what I'm doing for myself...<BR>I've gone back to school to further my career. I'm a LPN and will (hopefully) get my RN in Dec/2002.... Don't even ask me how I'm getting passing grades... it must be a blessing from God. Actually I go through the day just in motion... I have a huge Microbiology exam tomorrow and I'm not even sure what the heck is going on !!! yikes..<BR>I've been in this position many times beforeand hopefully the good Lord above will bless me again .<P>I try every single day not to DWELL on what has happen... I try to look for to the future... but sometimes its so hard... "we" had great plans for the future... planned and talked about it all the time... we were proud of where we were in life... then the affair.... now ya know what I think?? OWE is going to get it all!!! what we both worked for... I'm the outsider !!<P>I guess its just a sad day... I'm tired of bothering my friends with my stuff.<P>I'll keep working on my list... Thanks for the ramble..... maybe this is what I needed?<P>blessings,<BR>s

Hey lady -<BR>We've got to do something to help you start feeling better about yourself. I really hate to see you feeling so down.<P>It's a mental thing. Let it go. He's just not important enought to devote all this energy on him (or ow). You're what's important. You've got to let all of that garbage go and work on you and being the best you can be.<P>I've been smiling because I actually finally feel good enough to smile - and guess what? People smile back at me!! But you've got to get the ball rolling. Start with these:<P>Shower every day - even if you don't feel like it.<P>Put on makeup and fix your hair just like you're going on a date - every time you leave the house.<P>If you've lost weight and things don't fit right, go shop the clearance racks for something new that fits. I'm going to Goodwill tomorrow for a pair of jeans that fit my current cute little butt!! But I'm going to Goodwill because I don't know if the extra couple of pounds will stay off now that I'm eating again. <P>You don't have to spend a fortune to do something for you. The library. It's free. Mine has sofas where you can sit in the lovely peace and quiet and read.<P>You probably have a discount movie theater - or video store where you can see/rent a movie relatively inexpensively.<P>I'm not saying you're saying that you can't afford to do this or that. I'm saying I'm knee-deep in it and I know what I can and can't afford!!! I'm going to work some temporary positions for awhile, here and there, just to put some extra money in the bank. Our d-day is scheduled for 01/07/02, so we'll see what happens then. My training program just started and is scheduled to take about 6 months. I also want to go to the local tech college and take the test they have that tells you what you'd be good at. And see what kind of programs they have, too.<P>Do you have real, live, can touch 'em friends to talk to? Yeah, I know you feel like we wear them out. But if they're really friends, they're still there for you. Find a support group of real bodies. My therapist thinks this is really important - so I guess I'm going to do it. It would be really easy for me to become a hermit - but I can't let myself!<P>This is an official boot in the butt. How did it feel?? Please, do something good for yourself - just for you. And do it soon.<P>And email me if you need to!!

Scoik,<P>I know how you feel. I too feel there are days I am just going through the motions. Hey, you just show this jerk what you are made of. You show him that "YOU DID NOT CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE!" as I'm sure he thought you would. You show him just how strong you are. Some day he is going to look at you and you can just rub your success in his face. <P>You are doing better than you think. You may be feeling like you are going through the motions but you are at least trying and that's all we can do. You will someday feel the way you used to. Trust me. Someday that special man will come in your life and will be so much better than anyone you've ever met and as you spend the rest of your life with this person, it will become clear that your suffering was for a reason. God just knew you deserved better.<P>You take care girl. Don't let anything stop you from finishing that list.<P>ANNA