Hey All,<BR>Well I'm much better today. After being up half the night and second guessing my decision I know I made the right one. I made the right one for me, him and our children. <P>so any good looking, sweet handsome men out there? No just kidding! I think I'll stay away from dating for a few weeks anyway. <P>I do have to say this though. Since I have again started to date I have been asked out 4 times. It's like somebody lit a sign that said, "Single woman here". <P>So anyway it was all worth it and I wouldn't have changed a thing about the last 6 weeks. I had a great time, I feel attractive again, and I know now that I won't be single or alone for ever. Maybe now I'll be a little more careful of the situations I get in as far as dating.<P>Thanks again for all of your support,<P>Jillybean

(((Jill)))<P>When you're happy, you attract people! I can't believe how much I've been "hit on" since I left my ex. When we were dating and I was happy, I was "hit on" a lot (ooh he could not STAND that), when things were really bad and I felt down I didn't even get any second-looks, which made me feel even worse than I already did. Now that I'm happily dating again it seems like I have to beat them away with a stick!<P>I will be celebrating the first anniversary of my 29th birthday in a few weeks, but when I went out last Friday night with my niece to a college night spot, I was guessed at "21" not once but twice!! D*** that feels GOOD!! I didn't want to dance with any guys, but I couldn't turn right or left without someone making eye contact or reaching for my arm to talk to me ... it was crazy!<P>I really think it's being HAPPY that drives men wild. When I'm with my boyfriend I am so happy, and by the look on his face it must look good on me!!

Jilly,<P>NIOL is right, when you are happy you attract friends. <P>I think you did the right thing too. I think this guy needs space from you to make a decision regarding his wife and family. You guys were such a new exciting relationship and this was clouding his view of what he really might choose to do. It would only prolong a possible different choice for him down the road, which you may have ended up being the one more hurt. I am glad you see all that. <P>This guy, if you want him, I think 6 months to a year down the road when his head is cleared of his divorce, he may come back to you and you can start again, it's like that saying, "Set them free if they come back they're yours forever, it they don't they were never yours to begin with."<P>You seem to have such a good head on your shoulders. Take care.<P>ANNA

Niol,<BR>Yes, I to think that men like the chase and if a woman looks happy its more of a challenge. Hell, I'm 36 almost 37 and I've been carded in every bar I've been in the last few weeks. Granted I'm dressing sexier ect. <P>Anna,<BR>I to think I made the right choice. It hasn't been an easy one but the right one. Just so you remember she was a ex wife not his wife. I would never,never date a married man. Just seems to me that she is really screwed up and didn't know what she wanted until it was almost gone. <BR>I mean even though they have been divorced for along time he kind of waited for her to change her mind. When he met me he gave up on her and well you know the rest. I just kind of think that either he is really more insecure than I realized or else he really loves her alot. So maybe all in all this was good for everyone involved. I'm not saying I don't hurt, I do. I really wasn't ready for this to end yet we were still having to much fun. But I am a adult here and I will get over it. I don't think it would take me much to run back to him right now so hopefully he has thought this through too and won't call. <BR>One more thing I noticed was I no longer even think about my ex. That is one positive about this that I hope lasts.<P>Thanks again for all of your support,<P>Jilly

Jilly,<P>Sorry I said wife, I knew it was exwife and errored.<P>Well, she may be a screw ball, cold hearted woman, but too often I see husbands go back to those screw balls, while everyone else just sits and wonders why...<P>Take care, and I hope the right person comes a long for ya. When he does, make sure he has a brother and then fix me up too. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<P>ANNA

Anna,<BR>I certainly will do that. I have to find Mr. Right first. The hard part of this is I was actually pretty happy without anyone but now that I've had that taste of a relationship again I don't want to just be single anymore. Marriage I don't know but I would like someone special in my life again. <P>Oh well I know that he is there I just have to find him.<P>Jill

Jilly,<P>I can see your point about wanting that relationship back. I want to start dating immediately after my divorce is final. My problem is the more time that goes by with being alone, the more I find I am not physically attracted to any man out there. Today this is really bothering me, I've almost been in tears several times over it. Every where I go I look at men to try to find something physically attractive about them. The other day I was looking at men in the mall, just trying to find a physical attraction, I couldn't find one. Today I was looking at pictures of male models and I find a fault that turns me off in every guy I look at. I just keep wondering, "What is wrong with me? I want to start dating as soon as my divorce is final. Why am I not physically attracted to any man?" I don't think my feelings are normal.<P>Well, ya got any thoughts I'd sure appreciate them.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Anna,<P>Of course you aren't physically attracted to any men right now.<P>You are extrememly use to having someone in your life.BUT that someone was very cruel to you.<P>So there is part of you that says....OH YES I want a man.<P>And there is part of you that say not just NO...but H*LL NO...not gonna give someone that power again.<P>So your brain solves the problem, You would date if you could find someone you are attracted to...OOPS...well not him or him or him either, and so on and so on.<P>Once you have healed enough to know that you will NEVER put yourself in the hands of an abuser again....Some man will come along that attracts you<P>-Kat-

Anna,<BR>Kat is right. You have been through alot. **** is not a great looking guy. I mean if I didn't know him as well as I do I would not have fallen for him. It is what is inside of him that I have fallen in love with. <BR>Someday you will meet that certain someone.<P>For me I just got off the phone with ****. It is so hard but he called me, says he misses me ect. Nothing like getting your heart torn to shreds. <P>So don't be in a hurry yet to find someone. My life was alot better a few months ago.<P>JIll

AWWWWWWW ((((((JILLY)))))) wanna sit and have a cup of coffee together and just chat?<P>-Kat-

Well Kat to be totally honest I'm sitting here working on my third glass of jack daniels punch. So if you'd like a drink instead come on over.<P>Jill

Kat whispers Good morning Jilly,<P>Hands her glass of juice and a couple of asprins. Hows the head?<P><BR>((((((jilly)))))))))<P>-Kat-

(((((((((((((jilly))))))))))))<P>I am sorry for your pain.<P>He called you? Good or bad? I don't know, this is a very difficult relationship because he still lives with the ex, and you can bet she has a lot of claims on him. <P>I feel really sorry for her...a few have put her down for being the idiot XW...that isn't fair and we all should know better here. The fact that she put pressure on him for seeing you shows she thinks something of him. Okay, I don't know the full story, and I would bet that you don't either, but I think I recall that she is WS? <P>So she says to XH move in with me....c'mon, you can't tell me she doesan't want more than a financial arrangement! <P>Here is my honest opinion on all this, and I am truly sorry if you don't like it.<P>She says move back home to help the financial situation. He does it....why? My H certainly would not do that, never in a million years. Why does she want him? Why does he move back home?<P>Jilly, please for your own well-being, do not get involved in this....believe me, I think you could be seen as the OW in this, and that is not good...he and she are both setting you up that way. You will always come second.<P>Don't answer his calls.<P>Find another super delicious, scrumptious man to take your breath away, and leave this guy behind. He is still attached, whichever way you look at it.<P>I hope I didn't offend you or hurt you....truly that was NOT my intention in any way.<P>Love and light to you,<P>Jacky

Anna,<BR>I'm fine, got up for work at 5:00am and am on lunch break now, so far no headache. <P>Jacky,<BR>I totally agree with everything you are saying. That is why I have tried to break this off. Yes EX is the WS. Yes, I do feel sorry for her in away. I do think though she is one of those controling people who want to have everything their own way. she didn't want him until I did. He waited and pretty much planA'd her until for 2 years until I came into picture. Now all of a sudden she loves him and can't live without him. PLEASE!<BR>But he needs to do what he needs to do for himself and his family. So yes, I am still backing off for now. He didn't ask for this to happen to him. He had given up hope on them getting back together. Is he stupid for even considering this? I don't know, I guess if he waited for her for two years then he must still love her and maybe they have a chance at being a family again. That is what is best for the kids. <P>As for me I'm not going to wait this out life is to short so I am going on the prowel again so to speak.<P>Jill

Kat,<P>I think you hit the nail on the head. Very good point. Now that I think about it, when I try to get to know men, I'm doing the same ting, I am looking at the character flaws too much too. My brain is telling me don't give up this independence, you were controlled for 17 years, don't let anybody into your heart to do that, don't let anybody close or they may make your life miserable. I think I'm worried if I trust someone totally they will break that trust. <P>Jilly, <P>Thanks girl, for your comments, some day I hope I find the right man I can trust. I just don't need to give up. I am going to try to overcome looking at all these character flaws with a microscope.<P>I saw what you wrote to Jacky. You are right. I think you really have your head on straight. It is so sad he can't seem to totally let this woman go, even though she's so bad for him, but hopefully some day in the future he will.<P>Take care girl. Ohhhh, you accidentally put Anna, in an intro instead of Kat. Reread above.<P>I must get back to the boring housecleaning now.<P>Later,<BR>ANNA

Hi All,<BR>Well doing even better today. Funny how talking to your Mom and kind of really put perspective to everything. I know now we made the right choice to end the relationship. Here I am 37 yrs old and still need my Mommy [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]. <P>Well I guess it's back to the drawing board for me. Got asked out three times this week. Didn't know if I was ready for it or not but I'm going to go out on Sat. We both like classic cars so we are going to a classic car show. At least this guy hasn't been married for 17 years and has one 18 yr old son. Much less problems.<BR> <BR>I've just decided life is just to short to wait for someone to get their head out of their *** so to speak.<P>Jill

GOOD FOR YOU JILLY....keep your chin up and "keep on truckin"<P>-Kat-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jillybean36:<BR>Well I guess it's back to the drawing board for me. Got asked out three times this week. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Jillybean, you must be hot stuff. Have a good time at the car show.

Thanks Kat!<P>Dab,<BR>No I wouldn't say that just live in a small community and the word is out I'm dating again. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Well so much for doing better [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] .<BR>Yestrday I was in the town BF lives in to see my daughter who is in collage. He knew from the last time we talked that I was going to be in town. So he calls me and asks me to meet him for a pop with the kids. I did and why I don't know. I had never seen his kids and fell in love with them right away. He told me he loved me and just can't let me go. We just are not sure where to go from here. If yesterday is any indication how I feel for him than I'm screwed because I have never been so happy to see someone in my life. It was a very difficult afternoon to say the least. We live 60 miles apart from eachother. So that alone makes it hard. It would be alot easier if my kids were either smaller or grown. At their ages they don't want to switch schools and I won't make them. I know I can't uproot them now. <P>So I'm still where I was just maybe hurting again a little more. <P>He doesn't expect me to wait around for him forever just for awhile to get his ducks in a row. I just don't know if I can. <P>I know I probably sound stupid right now. I mean this is not my H. It should be easier than this. I just can't change the way I feel and its kind of scarey. Is it because this is it. Is this true love? Do I even know what love is? I have never in 17 years felt about my H like I feel about him. Is this worth fighting for?<P>I know maybe this isn't the right place to post this. But this is something that due to my divorce I am going through. <P>HELP!!!!!!!!<P>Jill