I'm back...and exhausted. I feel like I've been fighting a whole war by myself.<P>When I called H last night, he finally admitted to cheating on me one time years ago. I thanked him for telling me the truth, but told him that when we have a chance to sit down and talk (I didn't get home until late, and I needed to sleep), I will need to know more. I told him that I love him, always have, and that we can work through this. He swears that nothing ever happened between him and the last OW. <BR> <BR>What am I feeling right now? Mostly relief!! I think that we've finally taken a step toward rebuilding our marriage.<BR>God answered my prayers.<P>More later.<BR>

Hey Sweatpea !<P>Thats great I am so happy to hear that you have made progress, I hope that it continues in the right direction, good luck and enjoy the re- building remember its not all clear sailing from here but it does get better.<P>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<P>

Thanks, Jenny!<P> I hope that when H and I have our talk tonight, that he can continue to be totally honest with me.<P> He is still pretty defensive with me. He said that he felt like he was on trial because of the ultimatums I left in my letter. All I wanted him to do was cut out all contact with the current woman (which he has agreed to do), tell me the whole truth about everything, and go to counseling and church with me. But, he said that we could talk about it...<P> He's also still on this "You don't believe anything I say, anyway." kick that he's been on for the past year. I'll have to be able to get it across to him that it's going to take time for me to completely believe him. After all, he has been making this same statement while lying to me for the past year.<P> He also doesn't want to tell me who he cheated with. It may be that it was some whore he picked up in a bar or something somewhere. But, I don't buy his excuse, "I don't know who." ????????? How does he cheat ONE time and not be able to tell me who? He should at least be able to tell me something--even if it's nothing more than "I picked up a hooker in a strip-joint." I'm going to explain to him that I have a right to know so that I won't be in the position of being friendly and chatty with a woman who shares a secret that I don't know about with my H. I will assure my H that I won't cause any sort of scene, but that he must tell me; otherwise, I will probably always wonder about every woman we know.<P>We will definitely have to get past the "I admitted it; just forget about it." stage. But, at least we now have a start, and I finally have a little hope.<P>I think that he was shocked because I didn't go ballistic when he admitted cheating. But, after all, he wasn't admitting anything I didn't already know.<P>So, I feel like the weight on my shoulders has lessened considerably. I feel such incredible relief to have finally gotten some of the truth out of him.<P>I think that my disappearing on him was something he never expected me to do--and I think it shook him up a good bit. Our daughter said that "Daddy was all torn up.."<P>When I called our daughter yesterday to let her know that I was all right, she went off on me. She was so mad...saying that she knows all about everything....and that I was blowing everything out of proportion. I was so hurt that I finally just told her that she needed to ask her daddy how he managed to give me an STD if he had never cheated.<P>This morning, she told me that she was sorry--that she just didn't want to believe that her Daddy had been cheating. She really had him up on a pedestal. I'm sorry I had to knock him off of it.<P>Anyway, his discussion of the whole matter with our kids (in such a way as to make them think I was nuts and to align them on his side), is about the only thing I really went off on H about. I hope he understands now that he shouldn't have mentioned it to them--that it was totally inappropriate.

This sounds weird, but congratulations! How I envy you your H's honesty.<P>Good luck on moving forward!

I do appreciate his finally telling me the truth--or at least part of it. We still have lots of talking to do, even though he's trying to stall.<P>It was late last night when I got home, and we were both exhausted. He let me sleep in this morning, and when I got up, I went in to work. This evening, he asked me to meet him at the bar, so I did, an then we went to eat supper at a little cafe (No, not HER cafe!). We got home at around 8:30, and took our showers. He was watching TV when I got out of the shower. I went into the den, and he reached for my hand. I asked him when he wanted to talk. He said, "I thought we talked last night on the phone." I told him that our phone conversation was a start, but that there was a LOT that we need to discuss. He didn't say anything, but just kept rubbing my hand. I really felt that he was just scared, so I just kept holding his hand for a moment. Then I went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He came into the kitchen on his way to bed and asked me if I was ready to go to bed. I told him, "We really HAVE to talk. When do you want to do it?" He finally said, "Tomorrow night. I'm too tired right now." So, we went to bed. I kissed him and told him goodnight. He asked, "Are you going to sleep?" I said, "Yeah." Anyway, I lay there or about 30 minutes, but was too fidgety to sleep, so I got up for a while before going back to bed around 11:00. And, here I am, awake again at 2 am!<P>I have so many questions for which I need answers! I just hope that we can manage to talk without both of us getting all angry and ready to kill each other!!<P>Anyway, I do think that H wants to sweep this whole matter under the rug, since he has admitted to cheating one time, years ago. Ain't gonna happen. I've waited 13 years to get the damn truth out of him, and I'm not about to backslide into the same ol' rut. He is going to tell me WHO the OW was, and also explain other things.<P>Therefore, I have decided that there will be no sex for now. There will be no "Having sex will convince her that I love her, so we don't have to talk about what I did."<P>So, I am going to wait until tomorrow night to see if he will sit down and talk. If he still will not talk or wants to stall, I will move into our camper tomorrow night. My own modified version of Plan B. I will not move back into our bed until I feel that we are really starting to rebuild.<P><BR>