Folks,<BR>Below is a copy of my email to my wife about the OM and her trip out of town this weekend.<P>My email:<BR>On another note, I have had something on my mind and one thing I am trying to change about myself is That I wont hold it in anymore. Over the last several months I have done much thinking and checking And such. Things have come to light that I never dreamed would happen. From all that I have seen and Asked I realize that there is something else going on. I don't have a problem with it if it is. It is just That I don't like having my ability to make descions (factual ones) taken from me. They have been. I asked You back about a month ago about someone else. You said no one. When I dropped a name, I learned all that I needed To know. The fact that you could never come clean and discuss it rationally and truthfully with me hurts deeply. I don't believe you went to Myrtle Beach this weekend. I believe you called me Saturday afternoon to make sure I Didn't make a trip up to "check on you". I didn't and I wouldn't. I already know. You have never had a desire To sit down with me and discuss anything (not talking about getting back together)concerning any of this. It is for This reason that I must take action for my own well-being. Not legally or such, rather I must go on what information I have. Paige, all I want is the truth. You have my word, that I will NOT use it to get anything changed legally or With the children. I just wrote it here. Save the email. I am happy with myself and am getting better and enjoying life. I just don't want to waste anymore time. I want to know whether I should just move on with my life. Please don't think me mean and heartless. I am not. But if you have ever had any love for me, then speak with me truthfully. I want to be happy and I want you to be happy. I must be able to preserve what love I have left. It has never been my intention to push or rush or even try and get us back together. I am not trying that here either. Things are going pretty well I think. However, I just want to know how to proceed. I care for you and the kids. I will wait for a long time if need be, but I just want to know. If it is true, let me go. If it isnt then I will accept your word and take that path.<P>I can stand on my own. I will be okay. Should I move on in EVERY aspect of my life? If you don't know, then say so. Paige, I am not going to change the support I give you and the kids. The truth sets us free - all of us.<P>Thanks, I am not trying to be a pill, but try and put yourself in my shoes. That is all I am asking.<P><BR>Her response:<BR>I am embarassed you found that person's name. The reason I never spoke to you about it was because it was nothing and I was embarassed. Mary introduced me, but I can not and have no desire to start anything with anyone. I spoke to him one time and now you have blown it up in your mind that I am involved. Please give me a break! I was in Myrtle Beach...alone...and its really not something you should concern yourself with. As far as I am concerned, it is over.<P>Now, a footnote. This guy lives out of town. Charlotte I think. Anyway, why would her girlfriend here, introduce her to someone who doesnt live here? Interesting.<P>Any comments

Rob,<P>Did you read my post on your last thread?<P>You need to drop the OM for now. You are going to push her further away. Not towards you. She is showing signs of coming out of the fog. When and if she decides to come back, then sit with her and tell her everything must be radical honest if the marriage is to work.<P>I know it's hurting you right now, but I think you should take a huge, huge step back and give her the space she needs to come out of this fog.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Anna, you are right. I just lost it. I am so tired of the lies and half-truths. Should I email back and apologize and just tell her its okay. I dont want to push her farther away, but I just get so frustrated with not being able to make decisions. I guess that is the wrong way to look at it. I CAN make decisions. I just have to decide whether or not I want the marriage to work and if so, then do what is necessary for that to happen. Should I apologize? Ideas?

Rob,<BR>I don't think you should appologize. Your email was justified just perhaps not the right thing at the right time. I think emailing her again right now would just do more damage. I know it's difficult to do, but I think you should just leave it for a few days. Don't contact her until Monday or Tuesday and then only to say hi and ask how her weekend was. Don't bring it up again.

Rob,<P>First, get other opinions before sending an apology. I am only giving my own opinion, which sometimes changes if I see a different point of view. Sometimes I just get proven wrong in here. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Yes, I think you should send a letter of apology. I think you should say something like this.<P>W,<BR>Thanks for responding to my email and for your complete honesty. I had no proof for my accusations I made. I accused you unfairly of lying to me. I was wrong. I am sorry. Your honesty about the fact there is no man in your life right now gives me even more respect for you.<P>Love,<P>ROB<P>Ok, now, I know you are probably thinking she is lying why should I sent this, but you only have circumstantial(sp?and to lazy to look up) evidence. If you are wrong how do you think she feels that you are basically saying she's a lyar and a cheater. <P>Ok, now, if you are right about your instincts and she is cheating,your accusations are just going to make her more angry, but you telling her you trust her and respect her total honest, may just get her feeling guilty enough to do something about it. Probably not at first but eventually. I can tell you this too, if she's lying, I'll bet you after you send this letter, you will know by her reaction. If she doesn't fess up, or stop the relationship, then her the letter will give her guilt and it should make her even more angrier at you.<P>Well, just my opinion, be patient and get soem more responses, PLEASE!!!!<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Rob, <P>One more thing, if you do the letter keep it SHORT and with no hidden inuendo's or accusations.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Thanks Anna and Jane,<BR>I did apologize and frankly, I believe her. Anyway, I am not going to bring it up again. I love her and want things to work out. If they dont, I will be just fine. I have had the opportunity to date, but chose not to. I am becoming comfortable with myself and being alone. I am starting to do some woodworking this weekend. I think I will keep plan A'ing. I think I may have just LB'd big time, but I wont give up. Dang. I cant believe I loved busted. I was really comfortable with things and I was making progress. I hope I can recover from this set back. I WILL try! HOw are you guys holding up?

hey rob, kim here...<P>i would have told you not to apologize also. it is not wrong to want to know the truth, but i also agree that yo should back off on the om issue. she is getting frustrated with the whole topic, thus, the "it's over" comment... <P>if there is still any type of opening with her use it to be kind, caring and patient. but, DO NOT BE A DOORMAT!!!<P>i was strung along by my stbxh as long as i allowed him to be the contolling party. she cannot give you what you are looking for i believe because she doesn't even know what the heck she is going through on am emotional level and maybe spiritually too. but because she is confused doesn't mean that you have to suffer in her confusion and inability to make any committments. <P>i know i have mentioned this to you before. work on yourself, your self-esteem and being the best man you can be. not for her, but for God and you, and any other person that God may put in your life. <P>Stop questioning her about the status of her love or about her intentions for the continuance of the relationship/marriage. right now she is running from committment. my h did the same thing and I fueled it by constantly asking him what, when, where, how and why.<P>this past weekend my daughter and i moved. after living with him for 21 years i am on my own. i feel like a big girl and no one is in control of kim but God and me...<P>How good i feel. my stbxh is swaying towards reconcilliation, but at this point he has strung me along too long, and i am not even sure if i want that anymore. <P>i have been the bs and i have been the ws. when we seperated the first time i got a boyfreind, but lied to h about him. i say i was the ws because i was still married to him, but we still were seperated. so in man's eye i might not have been too wrong, but in God's eye very wrong... you feel me?<P>ne way, my point is i understand the feelings of both sides and i can understand your frustration as well as paige's frustration.<P>just take it easy and love rob... God will do the rest, and whatever the rest is, it will be right because it was God, not rob, not paige, not kim and not mb...<P>stay up,<P>with love <BR>kim... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]