My husband just told me 5 days ago that he wants a divorce. This didn't hit me totally out of the blue since I felt something horrid was up. I was just too scared to talk to him about it. But I never really thought we would ever divorce. We've been through hard times before and got through them. We've fought for years over what he considers "my faults". I know I'm not perfect - not even close to it. He has put down every single part of me - from intelligence, emotional, physical, sexual, to how I am as a wife and a mother. I feel like this is all my fault, even though I know it isn't. For years I've supported him - stood by him through everything that has come our way. I thought I could depend on him - that I could trust him. Now I feel lost and alone - anger and hurt - wondering how I am going to get myself through this - how I am going to get my 2 sons through this. He has agreed to go to counseling with me (we start tomorrow). He says that maybe they can help him figure out if there is anything worth saving - if he still loves me. I want to go to save my marriage and I don't want to go because I don't know if I can take hearing how everything is my fault. He's told me that he doesn't feel that I'll ever change - so why is he still willing to go to the counselor? Is he just trying to pacify me? I'm trying to figure out why this is happening - do I want to save our marriage - am I truly everything he says I am? I know no one has the answers for me but I wish someone did. I don't know what to do.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hope9497:<BR><STRONG>My husband just told me 5 days ago that he wants a divorce.<BR><I>We've fought for years over what he considers "my faults".<BR>He has put down every single part of me - from intelligence, emotional, physical, sexual, to how I am as a wife and a mother.</I><BR>He has agreed to go to counseling with me (we start tomorrow).<BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think it's GREAT that he has agreed to go to counseling with you. That is a start. Try to go into it with an open mind and hopeful heart. It is scary, and you might hear things that you don't expect to, but the longer you can stay in counseling together, the better.<P>Do some browsing here and in Emotional Needs. There is SO MUCH information that can help you. I assume you have already read some of the articles, if not, please do.<P>And before you go, do a search for "verbal abuse" and look at some of the links. I say this because I recognise some of the signs that I had myself. Everything was my fault, nothing I did was good enough, etc. Depression took hold of me and I believed him. If he is verbally abusive, the counselor should be able to pick up on this and help you both.<P>Good luck!

Marriage is a two way street. If a marriage fails there are always two sides that play a role. Remember that! <P>It seems to me like you are very unhappy with yourself. I would suggest one thing to you. Work on you, as a person mentally and physically. Make a goal to get up every day and make it the best it can be. Work on being the best person you can be. For everyone this is different. If you are unclear on what you want and who you want to be, make a couple lists. Things you like about yourself and things you dislike.<P>Once a week or once a month, depending on the task, choose one thing you want to work on changing or improving and keep at it until you are satisfied. <P>Counseling is good but You can not make him happy, only he can do that. You can however, make yourself happy. In the end this will carry you through and make you strong enough to handle what ever comes your way!<P>e_w_s

Thanks for the advice. I'm reading everything I can trying to figure this out. I guess we'll see what the counselor says tomorrow. I know there will be no sleep tonight - not that there has been much of that lately. I think the only thing (other than my boys) that is keeping me going is my belief that God will not give me more than I can handle. Even through all of this I still love my husband. My brother told me one time that you have to keep trying in life but you also have to stop before it kills you inside. So I'm going to keep trying but I won't allow it to destroy me. My boys don't deserve that and neither do I. Just wish it didn't hurt so bad. Thanks again - I needed it.