If anybody can lead me to some good info on talking to your kids about an upcoming separation I would appreciate it very much.<BR>The age range is a bit broad <BR>10<BR>6<BR>and 4<BR>so I am sure it would be best to talk to them each separately but if anybody has some useful information that would be great.<BR>Thanks<BR>Nicole

Hi Nicole,<BR>I went through the same thought process recently and was trying to find the right things to say. The only book that I found was "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce". I forgot the author's name, but she does have a few pages that talk about how it should be presented to children. My children are 7 and 4, and I found the information helpful. I remeber it saying that you should not just make it a geography lesson. Mom is living here, Dad is living here. She also said that you have to be careful that children think of themselves as invincable and will try to 'fix' your marriage. I recommend the book as helpfull reading.<P>Jim

Jim,<P>Thanks for the info.<BR>We are planning to talk to the kids on Saturday, and I am finding it so hard to find the right words.<BR>I want them to know that we will always love them and we will always be their parents even though we won't be living in the same place anymore and won't be married anymore.<P>Like I said finding just the right words is going to be very difficult.<P>Thanks again

Patient,<P>My heart goes out to you. I went through that already and wouldn't go back to that time for anything.<P>You will find that this is just the beginning of the questions though.<P>The only thing I will say is that my children didn't try and fix the marriage, they actually were relieved that it was over. <BR>Which I found rather strange, because we didn't fight, we didn't talk, we didn't even sleep in the same rooms. <P>But they all told me that they didn't want me to go back to their dad.<P>**shrugs shoulders** you can't predict what kids will do.<P>-Kat-

(((((((Nicole)))))))<P>Oh my heart goes out to you. Just remembering that conversation with my girls (11, 9, & 6 at the time) brings tears to my eyes. I don't know of any books so I'll just share with you what we did.<P>We ALL sat in a circle on the floor and explained to them that we both loved them dearly. Told them of the upcoming separation. After their initial crying we proceeded to explain to them all the details on how their lives would change (school, parenting time, and so on). Don't tell them anything that isn't true at this point, my x-wife told them a bunch of crap and now we are reaping the rewards of that. So after that we sat and answered their questions. Some of the questions were hard and some of them seemed not relavant but it concerned them.<P>The biggest thing you have to convey in that talk is your love for them, reassure them that they have NO FAULT in the separation, and show them that you and husband are a team on raising them. Don't make any false statements, give any false hopes, and most importantly of all give lots of hugs and share in the tears. God, I feel sorry for you for that was the hardest day of my life.<P>Best of luck to you.....<P><BR>Hugs, Thoughts, & A Special Prayer your way