I've had a wonderful weekend - because my stbx has been out of town (with OW) and I knew I wouldn't have to run into him anywhere.<P>Suddenly, I'm falling apart. I'm obsessing. I'm shaking. I'm going to explode.<P>I took an Ativan but it hasn't hit yet. Hope it calms me and doesn't make me more of a wreck.<P>I'm obsessing about wanting to tell him that it's really f**king rude of him to be screwing around while he's still technically married to me. <P>I'm obsessing because I'm going to have to deal with him tomorrow about the support agreement we can't agree on.<P>I'm obsessing because I wish he would die. It would be so much easier.<P>Please help talk me down.

Please don't let him do this to you. I don't know you and your situation but if I'm gathering it right he's already hurt you so much. Him dying or hurting him would not make anything better - it just causes more pain. Look above that - you be stronger. You can do this - it's not easy but it's possible. God is protecting you. You might not feel that right now but inside of you He is there and He'll take care of you. Somehow this is going to get better but it won't get better by causing more pain. You deserve better.<P>Hugs and Blessings -<BR>Hope

Ms. Bailey,<P>First breath in, breath out. Slowly. Now.....<P>You are better than him, that is why you will not tell him off. You are going to prove to yourself tomorrow just how much nicer and better you are than him. <P>Right now, get yourself out of the house and go for a long walk. Is there a park close by or somewhere to walk at that you like. Don't procrastinate either. You need this badly so please go. Then come back on here and talk to us some more.<P>You can do this girl. Think of those wonderful goals for yourself, you are the only one who can make you happy, no one else can do this for you, but you can!<P>See ya when you get back beautiful lady,<P>ANNA

Hey Sister....<P>I'm so sorry to fhear that you're feeling this way... I do know how you're feeling... Whe I would feel like that, I felt totally immobilised... I would smoke cig after cig and drink diet coke by the tons. <P>Go and throw omething around your garage, go outside and start yelling at him like hes there... one therapist told me to try and bring up some sad feelings to try and level things off. I like to go for car rides.. turn up the radio... have a glass of win to take the edge off. <P>I can offer ya all advice...and I know how hard it is not to want to go and kick him right in the face. I would think of all the revenge I could get on him. Nothing physical but all other kinds of stuff. <BR>Have you moved any of his things out yet???<BR>Maybe a pile of his things or two might help.<P>What would help is when I would pray to god for peace, to stop the obsessing thoughts, that I knew it do me any good to dwell on the two of them.<P>What he has done to you is horrible...<BR>I also the feelings that him dead would be alot easier.<P>I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing.<P>Its just not fair.... you did nothing to cause this... he had the affair..<P>Blessings,<P>Scoick

Thank you, ladies. I'm a little better, a little calmer.<P>I went out and drove around looking at what I'll be able to afford. When you've been living in a 200k house, looking at 80k, well, needless to say, its kinda depressing. I probably should have found something more positive to do with my time, but I did get to spend it alone, just driving around, so it wasn't all bad. <P>The other concern I have is that I could buy a house and have a mortgage payment about half of what I'd have to pay for renting a 3br whatever... but the market here is so depressed I may never be able to leave if I buy something!! It's a dilemma. I don't know yet what's gonna happen with this house because even if we list it now it's not going to sell for a long time - possibly a year or more. He wants to make noise that if I'm living there with the kids after the divorce that it should cut into my property settlement(because I can't afford it). If that's the case we'll move out and then he can worry about taking care of the house.<P>YadaYadaYada. <P>He's already got 95% of his stuff out of here, so there's really nothing there to mess with.<P>Thanks for listening. Sometimes that's all we need, isn't it? We KNOW our thoughts aren't worthwhile or real, but they can sure get in there and mess around with your head.<P>I want to change my name - but I still can't come up with anything - which is how I got billbailey! Gonna have to think on it. Any ideas? <BR>t.

BillBailey,<BR>Listen, I'm feeling the same pain and going through the same situation...the same exact situation, except my wife is out and about. I really don't now how I'm making fwd progress. My posts are in the resolving conflict section "wife not in love with me anymore." Alone and myself posted in there. <P>Sometimes the best way to pull someone off the ledge is by brute force..a strong tackle. I wish I was your neighbor, close friend...I'd really love to help someone...hell I wish I had a close friend I could trust who would pretty much give me the Dr. Harvey lessons of life, kick me in the [censored]. you need someone who is going to let you fall on them completely for a bit...<P>BTW, I know you've heard this before but NO ONE will ever hurt you like this again!<BR>Every time you look at yourself in the mirror stick you chin back up in the air, you'll cry, I sure do but sometimes I feel confident...try and do something positive. I know it wears off quick but do something else positive...Allen Jackson has a great positive song out...There's a hole in the wall where our pictures used to hang...hell he made the hole big enough to drive his truck through.<P>Now all of you can ask what the heck I'm talking about, LOL. Did you understand the Scripture in the bible the first time you read it?<P>GFB,<BR>m_jg_2000@yahoo.com<BR>Together 8 years,<BR>Married 4 1/2,<BR>Wife's affair ?? and still going

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goinforbroke:<BR><STRONG>I wish I was your neighbor, close friend...I'd really love to help someone</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Goinforbroke,<BR>FAIR WARNING: I got in a really punchy silly mood here - so don't take any of this too seriously...!<BR> <BR>You know, I really do need more friends. I've only lived here 10 months - and have only made one real friend. Yeah, the chump moves me 5 hours from "home" and friends and then dumps me. Real pal.<P>This summer my one friend had a gran mal seizure and wasn't allowed to drive for 3 months. They would have had to lock me up for good if they did that to me! We went everywhere together - Hey, going to the grocery store - be there in 5 minutes. She says I saved her life. And now she's helped save mine.<P>Sometimes I think we need the therapy of helping others. And sometimes we need to REALLY LISTEN to what we're telling them - because we need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.<P>I would love to talk and talk and talk to you. You can never have enough money, be thin enough or have enough friends. ha.<P>t.<BR>ps - I'm thinking about changing my name here. The more I think about it the more it looks like it should be yakkityyak. My mother referred to it as oral diarrhea. Whacha think?<p>[ October 21, 2001: Message edited by: billbailey ]