Me and my wife have been togehter for a little over a year. I am 30 and she is 35. It is the second marriage for both of us. She had two children prior to our marriage and I had one. Since our marriage, we have had one child together, now 7 months old. The problem is that she never wants sex. In the beginning we were making love almost nightly and it seemed that we had the perfect marriage. Since then, she comes up with all types of reasons not to have sex, being tired is her favorite excuse. When we were having sex on a somewhat regular basis, we were both much happier. Since we have slowed to almost a complete halt, we argue about everything and we both seem to be depressed. When we are like this, I feel like I have no energy and I don't want to do anything, I have no drive or desire. I have told her this and she says she has always been like this and she is not going to change. She says she enjoys sex on the few occassions that it happens but, I think that if she really enjoyed it she would desire it more often. If I don't initiate intimacy, we could go months without sex and she would not even notice, meanwhile it is all I think about and it drives me crazy. I have asked to to see a counselor or a doctor together and she is unwilling. She says there is nothing wrong and we don't need help. Our feel our relationship is on the brink of disaster. I am so frustrated and confused, what can I do?

My instinctive reply is one of two possibilities. The first to consider is post -pardom (sp?) depression. This would be an area I am certainly not equipped to give advice, but I would suggest you ask her to discuss it with her OB. Second, your W could feel that there are emotional needs that are very important to her that, for whatever reason, she feels are not being met. I feel like being "tired" is a cop-out. You may try asking her to delve into her feelings and try to see if there is some resentment she is harboring toward you that is causing her to not feel close enough to you to engage in "the act". Unfortunately, us women have a tendency to NEED TO FEEL a certain closeness or bond with our mate BEFORE we can be receptive to sexual desire. Or possibly she has issues that relate to a lowered self-esteem regarding her body after the birth of your child. Anything is possible, just ask her to consider your marriage important enough to open her mind enough even to herself to admit what's the core of the problem. Well, that's my opinion, for what it's worth.......hope it helps. Could you do me a favor and check out my topic in the Emotional Needs forum "Question about H's lack of sexual drive" and give me a man's perspective???? Thanks so much and GOOD LUCK!

My instinctive reply is one of two possibilities. The first to consider is post -pardom (sp?) depression. This would be an area I am certainly not equipped to give advice, but I would suggest you ask her to discuss it with her OB. Second, your W could feel that there are emotional needs that are very important to her that, for whatever reason, she feels are not being met. I feel like being "tired" is a cop-out. You may try asking her to delve into her feelings and try to see if there is some resentment she is harboring toward you that is causing her to not feel close enough to you to engage in "the act". Unfortunately, us women have a tendency to NEED TO FEEL a certain closeness or bond with our mate BEFORE we can be receptive to sexual desire. Or possibly she has issues that relate to a lowered self-esteem regarding her body after the birth of your child. Anything is possible, just ask her to consider your marriage important enough to open her mind enough even to herself to admit what's the core of the problem. Well, that's my opinion, for what it's worth.......hope it helps. Could you do me a favor and check out my topic in the Emotional Needs forum "Question about H's lack of sexual drive" and give me a man's perspective???? Thanks so much and GOOD LUCK!

I understand it is a very frustrating thing, I went through the same thing after my second child. You have to realize it takes a good year for your body to go back to normal. I'll tell ya after birthing a child it sure kills the desire for a while. Another thing is when you have alot of children it makes a person very tired and when you have a baby you are giving so much affection to that little baby and always have them on you that when it comes to giving any more affection your spent. If you can you should try and go away for a weekend without children, It would do wonders. Start making dates with her and go out more. I know babysitters are expensive but it is really worth it. This will definately help. Try and be patient and remember the demands that a little one has can be very draining. (especially with more than one child in the house). <P>

Your wife probably does have ppd (post partum depression). Please understand, that in the first year of a baby's life, the mother IS tired. I have two, and I am always tired. Do you realize how much work goes into it?<P>I would suggest that your wife speak to her doctor (family or ob) to find out if she is suffering from ppd. Alot more women than we think have it.