I am a MW currently involved with a MM for six weeks now. My husband has numerous problems and hang ups regarding sex. I know what i am doing is not going to help my marriage but I honestly feel that there's no way "to get it back" with him. I am seriously thinking about leaving him in the future for ME not MM but I feel so bad about hurting him, his two daughters 13 & 15 and his family. Does anyone have any advise for me? <BR>Thanks

Do the hard thing. Remember your vows, seek counselling, and do what is right.

Please stop now !!!!!!<P>If not for your spouse than for yourself.<P>You are heading for disaster.

There is a possibility that the problems you are experiencing with your husband have a lot to do with your own emotional reaction to having an affair, and not much to do with your relationship with your husband. I have seen many people backwards validate a decision like this by changing the way they looked at the past in order to justify the present. I saw at least three "friends" (all of them women) do exactly this. They would tell everyone how awful their marriages were, how they married the wrong guy, how it would be better for everyone, etc. Having known both the husband and the wife for years, and based on what I knew of their marriages, my opinion was that they had all gone crazy. Turns out they were just having an affair. It's weird how I can use the plural because all three of these women were great friends and they all started cheating within 6 months of each other. Now that they are single moms with all of the economic realities and time constraints associated with that, things aren't as great as they had imagined. One girl looks like she will be moving in to her parent's basement with her three kids. And what do you know? The boyfriend doesn't want to help in all three cases. One just wanted a free lay, the other is too busy golfing, and the third can't even keep himself together, as he got a summary boot by his own wife once she found out.<P>In any case, I think you have a whole bunch of problems already. If you do decide to stay married, your husband has a right to know about this. It won't be easy. If you decide to divorce, I can tell you from experience that isn't any easier. It seems easier when you have a relationship with someone else already, but eventually that relationship will end (they almost all do). At that point the emotional reality of what you have really done to yourself begins to set in. Prior to that time everything you are doing appears to only hurt others, but strangely seems to make you feel better. Many recovering cheaters call this the "crazy time". By the time you are ready to "forgive" your husband and come back, chances are he will already be over it and on to a new life.<BR>

1st affair.....You are headed towards disaster! Of course you can't work on your marriage....there is a 3rd person involved! You need to get out of that situation right now. Did you ever stop and think of what you are doing to that MM's wife?<P>I suggest that you read, "Surviving the Affair" by Harley. Also, start posting in the "infidelity" forum. There are a lot of great people on that forum who have been in similar situations as yourself.<P>I hope you will do what is right......

HI! please read my posting in infidelity' God I'm stupid, Wake up & smell the coffee.<P>I've been there, I've cheated with a married man. It's not worth it!!!! He's just in it for sex, and anything emotional he's not getting at home. Please understand, he'll never marry you!!!!!!! He'll never leave his wife, why should he? He can have you both, he's playing a game. He'll say whatever it takes to win your heart. If his marriage was over, he'd tell his wife right away. Because he would have respect for himself & her. But he won't! Because as long as you are married he's safe. If he lies to his wife he lies to you too. Please stop before it's too late.<P>Don't get caught up in this, it will kill you!

It will kill you...CarolG is right. Try to speak with your husband honestly...see if he's willing to deposit points in your love bank again, because that is what you're missing and finding it elsewhere. <BR>I was recently involved with a MM and he basically chose me over his wife and we were both ready to leave our spouses. We even talked about where we were going to live, bills, etc. But, when it came down to the actual act he decided he had to work it out with his wife (probably for the sake of his 3 year old daughter). My H knows I was going to leave him when the MM called me and said he loved me and wanted to live happily ever after. I felt I had to make a choice and chose the OM right in front of my H. I went to a hotel and then things changed. The OM has now been in counseling with his wife for a month and he says he is fighting every step of the way and still misses me terribly. So even though he loves me he will never leave his wife.<BR>So, even though your not at this point yet...it might lead to it and it is the most horrible feeling in the world. Please talk to your husband...maybe it will help.<BR>