Well it will be a year Nov 10th since my ex walked out-I have not seen or heard from him since unless it had to do with the divorce. We were divorced in June of this year. Now I am being asked out and I feel I am ready. However, my a close friend and my counselor are screaming no to me...they say I am not ready. Other friends think I am and I think I am. My counselor and friend are older women and are really pressuring me not to date. Has anyone been faced with such a dilema. This is hard for me because both of these women are mentors to me and are good Christian women and they are afraid that I will just jump in the sack. I do not know what to think but would sure like to give this guy a chance. Any suggestions??

Only you can make this decision for yourself. I don't know enough about the situation to understand why someone would tell you not to date. From what you have said, there is no reason not to. Why do you think these people who obviously love and care about you are advising you so?<P>You mention "this guy". Is there something about "this guy" that your Christian mentors are apprehensive about? <P>Think about what you want and need to do. Think about the reasons you want and need to do it. Speak from your heart.<BR>Good luck,<BR>M

I agree that the time line for dating should be up to you but on the other hand I wouldn't discount the wisdom of your elders.<P>You and I are about the same time line, my divorce was final in July. I think I'm probably ready to date, no that's a lie, I'm not. I go out with female friends with absolutly no dating pressure now. I spend time talking with women about our problems or children or just whatever. I guess I don't feel the need to date nor am I ready for any relationship headaches.<P>So my plan is right now to just be an awesome dad to my girls, best buddy with my female friends, and I may look for the possibility of dating sometime next year.<P>Best of luck to you and I WANT DETAILS if you go out........<P>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers<p>[ October 23, 2001: Message edited by: LostHusband ]

White Dove,<P>I'm kinda in a little bit of a different situation. My H and I have been separated for over 1-1/2 years with NO chance of reconciliation. D-day was two years ago. He still lives with the OW.<P>While my divorce isn't even filed yet (and I won't date until it's final), if I was single right now, I think I would be ready. (Of course, it would only take one or two dates to know for sure.)<P>I spent the whole first year grieving the marriage...even ended up in the hospital for stress! This year has been the emotional-moving-on and time-for-me year. It's been great!<P>The timeline is up to you; however, do take into account what friends are saying at some level. WHY don't they think you're ready? Who is "this guy?" [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<P>And what's all this about "jumping in the sack?" I would categorically say you aren't ready for THAT! Why was that even brought up...is there some reason to be concerned about that happening any time soon? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Are you a Christian? Where do you stand on "jumping in the sack" prior to marriage? I know it sounds really old-fashioned and not what most people are doing now days, but as a Christian myself, I don't see "jumping in the sack" as even an option in dating. That is for marriage, in my book. And if that limits my choices, so be it.<P>I certainly would NOT add sex to the already challening experience being a dating, divorced woman will be.....I want my second (and last) marriage to work, and doing things in the right order can only be beneficial.<P>Just my opinion....<BR>Aloha,<BR>Ms.O<p>[ October 23, 2001: Message edited by: Ms.O ]

Why would you discount the professional opinion of your counselor?<P>Why would you go to him if you don't listen/heed his advice?<P>I think you should find another counselor that you respect, and can work with effectively.<P>WIFTTy

I have found that listening to my counselor usually pays off. They are farther removed from the situation and can, often, see it more objectively.<P>I would like to make a reading recommendation, though. "If the Buddha Dated" by Charlotte Kasl. As a Christian, I was not offended by the book and found a lot of good stuff there. It is not a book about finding love but about preparing your heart to love and to be open to receiving love.

I think if you feel ready to date - then date. But that does not mean you have to have sex with anyone. Dating is just that. Going out to have fun with someone. It does not have to be a lifetime committment to that person. Yeah maybe it could become that - but for now all I think you want is a friend and there is nothing wrong with that. Do tell the guy that you don't want to get serious and take it from there. That way he won't get hurt if you want to back out if you do realise that you are not ready to date. But if you are ... well then ...who knows? Good Luck!!<p>Date with the idea of friendship and if love happens all the better!!<p>Pantha

White Dove,<p>I am a little concerned with the statement, that BOTH these mentors in your life are concerned that you are going to **jump in the sack**.<p>Being divorced or going through divorce is a lonely buisness, I have to wonder if you have made statements like: " I just want some one to hold me" or " I wish I had a shoulder to cry on"<p>These statements might be causing the concern you are hearing. Becareful you are in a very emotionally needy place in your life.<p>Step slowly.<p>-Kat-