I am having a trust issue with my husband. He has recently started a new position, and has spent some time with one of his female coworkers. They went out for drinks while I was out of town. I spoke with him afterwards, and he was quite tipsy. I point blank asked him if anything was going on? He said "NO" I know I am being insecure, but still feel uneasy. What is your advice?<P>------------------<BR>

I agree with you...and I don't think you're nuts or a quivering blob of insecurity/jealousy or anything. <P>Having drinks with co-workers is common, unfortunately, in today's society. I'm just not too happy about him doing it when you're out of town. I come from a small town in Iowa where people would go nuts if they saw a married man out on a "date" at a bar with a female co-worker! The rumor mill would be going wild and that kept alot of people "in line" and out of the bars. <P>My H had a dinner date with his ex-g/f once when I was out of town on business. They work, or used to work I should say, together. They didn't think it was a big deal and they would have lunch together and stuff like they had been for the last 15 years (5 "broken up" and 10 together). I had to put my foot down. I told him this was dating behavior and it wasn't acceptable for married people to be dating. Period. The end. Any questions? <P>If your H "needs" to be drinking/dating while you're out of town then you need to get some counselling before the next step (infidelity) happens. You gotta nip this in the bud. <P>Actually, counselling doesn't necessarily work, the liberal Calif. counselors here think dating is just fine when you're married. ARRRGGGGHH! So I had to put the shoe on his other foot and planned a date with my ex-b/f while H was at work. Of course I told him about it first...and he freaked out! Got all insecure and "little" ...said "I hope you don't have an affair or if you do you'll tell me about it before you jump in bed with him." Now his ex is out of the picture and they've both moved on with their separate lives. All the talking, counselling and begging didn't work, action worked! <P>Best of luck Marilyn...it's a b*tch and I feel for ya.<BR>________________________<BR>Grrrrl Power!<BR>

Thanks GP!<BR>I appreciate that! They did actually go out when I was in town also. I should say go for a beer. He told me it was not different than going out with one of the guys from work. I simply said, OK you need to go with the guys not the single gals! I told him it was totally unacceptable. I told him he needed to choose between that lifestyle or us. I have been married for almost 6 years, my H has never given me any reason to think he would have an affair. I know he loves me and his children. I know I have alot of insecurities from past relationships that I continue to bring into this one. He knows that too well, and reminds me when I question him about this woman. This is the first time that he has had coworkers that are female and at his level of work (Supervisor) so I know he needs to have that relationship, and there are times they need to be together, not at a bar, and not when I am out of town.! Talk to ya later.<BR>Marilyn

Hi! Thanks for answering my note. I feel almost sure I'm doing the right thing. I don't think you are just being insecure. I don't believe there is any reason he needs to go for drinks with his co-worker to have a work relationship with her. I don't believe married men and OW and alcohol mix at all. He is just asking for trouble eventually. A work relationship belongs at work. Or for drinks if you are invited too. Trust your heart and your instincts Marilyn. I'm starting to and I wish I never stopped. There's a difference between that and insecurities. Just broach it to your H in a non threatening way. Don't attack his ego, but let him know that it doesn't feel right with you. Maybe he is trying to tell you that he needs something that he feels he is lacking. I don't know. Close your eyes and listen to your heart and be positive.