I just want to say i will be ok. I know that in the end i will survive i may even make out ahead. What bothers me is the dreams i lost maybe it is the loss of dreams that hurt us so much. Dreams hold us together inside they make it possible to live thought hard times. Dreams are what are always out of reach but you can almost touch them. When my dreams die i die. When they get destroyed i get destroyed. And if i do not make new dreams i live in limbo. A place with no time or reality a place that is not nice to visit. A place that will kill you if you stay to long. THIS IS A HARD THING, TO MAKE NEW DREAMS WHEN HALF OF YOU HAS LEFT AFTER SO LONG.

Ronnb,<p>I saw that nobody had replied on your thread for 5 days. Actually, I tried to reply several days ago, but something went wrong.<p>I know what you mean about the dreams. I had this dream of a perfect family with a godly woman. She's the only woman I ever even kissed. She wants a divorce, a younger husband. We have a baby girl. Whatever happened to my family? If she divorces me, I will be what I never wanted to be - a divorced man, living apart from my child. If I remarry, I will be in a whole other mess that I never wanted to be in - with the "my child", "our child" (and probably "your child") stuff to deal with, with visitation, child support and all that mess. Now, I think it is better to just be alone. I don't really believe that, but achieving anything like my dream seems pretty unlikely now.<p>I hope you do OK, Ronnb. You sound confident that you will be.<p>-AD

It is important to grieve all of our losses and the dreams are one of them, it is hard when everything we believed is shattered into tiny peices. I have found the bueaty is when we start to pick up the peices and dream new dreams and develop a better life for ourselves, We have the ability to empower who we are, so pick yourself up bush yourself off and take a few more steps forward, there are goodthings to come down the road for you. take care of yourself

well i got the pumpkins out one for randi and one for kelli. randi went out treating with her friends in the costume i got for her i have been handing out candy. i made a good day for randi she had a nice holloween. i have had many bad things happen to me in the last 1 1/2 years, surgery, moving, laid off, new job, separation from wife and child. also a new town a new state for me no close relatives. no time to make new friends out here i am not in the mood for that now. it is easy for people to say move on get over it. 1200 miles is moved on, you can not up root your life more than mine has been. really i have done well under this situation i have no mom or dad to turn too for help all my friends are all over the U.S. closest is 1200 miles away. i have a support network for randi if something happens to me and she has written instructions.